GUNDAMMIT!
by Dr Megalomania
Summary: Pure sillyness is abound as the LAST CHAPTER is posted!!! that's it, finito, enough!! Can Heero and Duo make up in time, can Deathscythe and Wing Work it out in time and can Quatre and Trowa make out in time?! Plus it's a surprise ending ... UPDATED!!
1. Gundamn Voices In The Dark

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. 

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Prologue: Gun-damn Voices in the Dark!

"Damnit, Maxwell!!"

"What-o?"

"You trod on my foot!!"

"Heeeey! Not my fault if *you* don't watch where *I'm* landing!"

"Guys. . . it's been a long night . . ."

"This is a matter of justice, Winner! Maxwell, I'm warning you . . ."

"Let me guess, Wu-baby, the next words out of your mouth will contain at least . . ."

"Can't this wait until morning, look . . . Even Trowa's tired . . ."

". . . one 'Injustice!!', three 'dishonours' and at the *very* least . . . and I'll be personally offended if you miss this Wu-kins, at least two curses upon my family's name, honour, and/or all of the above. . ."

"Duo, Wufei, I'm trying to sleep. We have a mission soon, now shut up and rest . . . or I'll . . . I'll . . ."

"Stand aside Yuy, this is a matter of honour . . . Maxwell, you will cease your Dishonour . . ."

"That's one, Wu-Wu. . ."

"Duo, stop provoking Wufei."

"You dishonourable---"

"But it's fun, Quat-man . . . oh, and that's Two, Wu."

"--Son of a Bitch!"

". . . that was tame, Wu, that was very tame. . ."

"Duo, I *will* kill you to get the necessary requirement of rest I need for my mission."

"Heero, sweetums, you alllllways say that. . ."

"Shut up!"

"Maxwell! It's a dishonour that I ---"

"Yay! That's three, Wuffie!!"

"--that *I* have to work with *you*. . . it's a complete injustice!!"

"Ding, ding!! That's the Magic Word!!"

"Damn you, Maxwell!! A CURSE UPON YOUR FAMILY'S NAME AND HONOUR!!"

"Yaaaaaay!! I never knew you cared, Wu, both at the same time?! I'm touched. . ."

"Okay, that's enough for one night, Wufei. Duo . . . you *know* we should be working together, not bickering amongst each other."

"Oh my god, Relena?!"

"What?! Duo, what in the hell. . .?!"

"Oh, Q-man, for a moment, man . . . oh, it was terrible. . . for a moment there, I think you were channelling the spirit of Relena Peacecrap."

"Amusing, Duo, Hiiiillllaaaaarious. . . and stop calling her that, it's disrespectful."

"Can all of you make any more noise?"

"Why's that, T?"

"I don't think the Ozzies can hear us. . . you know. . . the ones in fucking Antarctica?!"

"Whoa. . . T-junction . . . you okay? That was a hellvalot for you to say in one go. . ."

"Duo?"

"Heeeeeeeee-roh?"

"Shut up. Baka."

"Oh, Heero . . . it's those very three little words I live to hear from you."

"Baka."

"Yeah, but forever *your* idiot."

". . . Naturally."

"I don't even want to know."

"Of course not, Wu-bad-dah-boom-boom, don't want you to nosebleed all over the--"

The door swung open, light flooding the hanger deck. Duo gazed at his Deathscythe, his beloved Gundam. The huge black and gold mobile suit stood tall between Wing Zero and ShenLong. He smiled, looking forward to the next two or three weeks of nurturing he would have to do. The other pilots gathered around him, as they joined him on the gangway beside the massive machines. Damnit, "Maxwell!!" Wufei growled as he glared down from the walkway, his thin arms folded.

"What-o?" Duo sang innocently, knowing damn well what had gotten the Chinese pilot so steamed.

Wufei growled again as he pointed down, "Look what you did to Nataku!!" He shook his finger at the offending dent in the said mobile suit's foot, "Look at that dent!"

"Hey, not my problem you don't watch where my buddy's landing . . ."

"BAH!!" Wufei huffed, and glared at the offending dent as if his will alone would be capable of removing it. Quatre shook his head as he moved beside Trowa, he gazed at Sandrock, "It's nothing we can't handle here, I'm sure Rashid will put his best men to it at once." He patted Duo's shoulder, "And I'm sure Duo promises to take more care of where he is landing in the future. . ."  

Heero ignored the conversation as Wufei hotly demanded Duo promise himself, he stared intently at his own Gundam, Wing Zero was tilted slightly, a fault caused by an exploding landmine. He 'Hn'-ed, and nodded slightly. Easy to repair, the mission to repair his Gundam would take less effort than to blow up a mere office in Monte Carlo. 

Heero was more concerned about the recent 'improvements' the scientists had made. Early, even by his standard, the scientists had stolen the five hulking mobile suits, and taken them for 'improvements' . . . meaning, at least to the pilots, complete overhauls. There wasn't any warning, nothing in the morning of the next day, except a very empty hanger, the burn marks from the Gundams' thrusters, a group of bamboozled engineers, and, in place of each of the Gundams, a small envelope from each scientist to each pilot . . . with the exception of Duo who got a pile of rubbish and junk food wrappers with a note reading; '_Duo Shinigami Maxwell, I may not be your mother, but damned if you don't make me sound like one. EAT PROPER FOOD!!! While I'm here and not within target range . . . can I also bring up the fact that the mission log disk runner is NOT, and I repeat, NOT a donut/coffee cup holder, please stop sticking gum to the Joystick . . . And another thing, I don't want to see anymore 'bumper stickers' on Deathscythe, particularly of the sort that read: Death Rides Again . . . And Again, All Night Long, Baby!!'. I don't want to know, the other scientists don't want to know, the other pilots, esp. Wufei, probably don't want to know. . . Heero might want to know, but that's on the Q.T, anyway . . . Be back soon, be a good little Gundam pilot, Love, Prof. G_.'

Other notes had been left, such as Master O's '_Wufei, drink much milk, taller you will be, with you the force will be, O._' – Wufei had just rolled his eyes and asked the others just not to ask. Doktor S's note was apparently understandable only to Trowa as that read: _'nanashi, . . . , Doktor S'_. This prompted Trowa to mutter that the Doktor had entirely too much to say recently. Instructor H was just as helpful, writing to tell Quatre that: _'In the possible event that this batch of routine repairs and adjustments go horribly wrong, would you like me to send any remains from Sandrock home in a matchbox or an envelope?'_

J had been just a little bit more helpful, allowing Heero to translate the complex code he had written the message in. 

_'Dear Heero_, (Boy, it's me again.) _in order to maintain the fighting fitness of our much valued pilots_ (Our beloved Gundams need saving from you homicidal, sociopathic, suicidal maniacs!!) _We have decided_ (on impulse, just to piss you off) _to borrow_ (steal) _your Gundams to make _(experiment) _some_ (half a million or indeed countless) _adjustments_ (complete overhaul) _and some minor_ (major) _tweaks_ (moving the coffee cup holder to the left rather than the right of the joystick according to the Theory of Feng Shui). _We will of course _(providing our memories don't fail us) _return your Gundams_ (sorry, that 'y' is a typo) _in fighting condition_ (Heero, the Fire Rocket button is the GREEN button) _and hope_ (pray) _you will continue_ (like you have a choice here) _to fight on behalf of the colonies_ (or whoever the hell looks like they'll pay you the best at the end of the war). _Please give my regards to Relena_ (The freaky bitch from hell, KILL HER!! . . . unless she will pay you the best at the end of the war), _lots and lots of love_ (Love's the one where you want to cause innocent little boys a lot of trouble and take away their childhood by training them to be emotionless killing machines, right?) _Doctor J._ (Psycho bastard with too much time on his hand and claw)'

It was of course, at this point the other pilots realised there wasn't any code, Heero was just making it up as he went along. 

Heero growled quietly to himself, what possible changes could the scientists made? During the first mission, Heero had found nothing out of the ordinary, and the mission had come as soon as the Gundams had been returned. 

"Perhaps they added cherry scented air fresheners." 

Heero snorted almost silently, as Trowa moved forward. He hadn't noticed the taller boy's approached, and had long since given up on trying. Trowa was an expert at remaining undetected, you couldn't see, hear or even feel him near, unless he wanted you to, even if he was standing directly in view. The Circus loving clown came only second in stealth to Duo, no matter how unlikely that seemed.

"I take it that you didn't notice anything . . . strange about your Gundam either."

"Nothing. However—"

"You will discover it." Trowa cut in, he nodded, "As will I . . . even if it means taking Heavyarms to pieces. . . I suspect you will find the same about the others." 

Heero blinked once, his only response. Quatre moved to Trowa's side, not touching but not so far as to forbid it. The blonde boy stared up at his own beloved machine. Sandrock was imposing, even if it was the shortest of the Gundam, standing a few metres shorter than the others. It was strange how the Gundams seemed to mirror the pilots, Sandrock, ShenLong, and Deathscythe were the shorter Gundams, while Wing and Heavyarms stood the taller. Burn scorches marred Sandrock's paler bulkheads, and the gold crown, and Quatre knew too well, that bullet holes marked the Gundam's back. 

He shivered, knowing that staying in the dark, cold hanger wasn't best for the boys. They were supposed to be resting, but morbid fascination drew them to their Gundams. 

"Come on, whatever changed will not change back over night . . ." Quatre forced himself to turn from his Gundam. Duo chuckled and clapped a hand on Quatre's shoulder.

"Oh, I dunno, buddy!" A cold glint passed over the laughing eyes, meaning the joke wasn't all funny, "Last time it did. . ." 

Quatre smiled slightly, knowing how angry Duo had been about the theft. Wufei nodded something to Nataku, a silent prayer as he always did, before turning to address the others. "Indeed . . ." He confirmed, "It has been a long night, and the mission invigorating. Sleep and meditation is required."

As the pilots filed out again, Trowa stayed in the half closed hanger door, picking up his and Duo's forgotten duffle bags. He glanced up at his Gundam as it parodied his face, half of it's face captured in the light, the other hidden by the shadows, the single visible gel green eye staring other blankly. "Goodnight, Heavyarms . . ." He frowned slightly, as the reflections on the eye shifted slightly. He blinked and the lights shifted again, back to their previous position. Trowa shook his head as duo came back to say one last good night to his own Gundam, and pick up his duffle bag.

He nodded to Trowa as the taller boy handed his bag. "Thanks man . . . hey, Q's looking for ya!" He elbowed Trowa in the ribs gently, knowing some ribs might have been bruised during the last mission, "I noticed he had an almost . . . feral look in his eyes . . ." Duo chuckled dirtily, "I don't think the lions are the only ones who'll need tamin' tonight!"

A corner of Trowa's lips stretched up, and then fell back in to uniform with the rest of his face. The jade-eyed boy nodded once, and set off to find his fellow pilot.

Duo shook his head, and glanced at his Gundam again, "Well buddy, looks like it's gonna be a bit of one-on-one action tomorrow. Sure hope you're up to it!"

The door slammed shut again, dosing the hanger in darkness again. Duo's tones still echoing quietly off the walls, and around Gundams as they stood quietly.

"Duo?"

"Heeee-roh?"

"One-on-one action tomorrow?" 

"Meaning—"

"I know what it means. . . can I watch?"

There was quiet laughter from Sandrock and Heavyarms, as Wing leant slightly closer to his partner mobile suit. ShenLong shook his head, creaking quietly, as he staunchly refused to give into the pain in his foot. 

"I don't think he meant that kind of one-on-one action, Heero. . ."

Wing sniggered darkly, and whispered into his partner's audio-sensors, "Hey, a Gundam can hypothesize a scenario, can't he?"

Looking up from his shoelaces, Duo blinked. He glanced down, looking through his legs, Heero was in the mission room, finishing his log. . . wasn't he? 

He glanced up again, long braid swing with the movement. 

If Heero was in the mission room, then why could Duo have sworn he'd just heard Heero whispering in the hanger?

  -----------------------------------------

And Now It's Time For Leave It To Doctor Megalomania!!

DrM: [Grins] I'm Baaaaack!! Heh, heh . . . anyway, yup this is a nice brand new series I'm going to start . . . I demand justice for the Gundams!!

Wing: [bored] Why? We're only mobile suits . . .

Deathscythe: [taken back] We are?

Nataku: Much as it pains us. . . alas!! It's true!! we are only machines!!

DrM: but! But! But! What about the episode when Sandrock tells Quatre to get off?!

Sandrock: Do you have any idea how heavy that boy is?! He may look really light, but I swear. . .

DrM: [ignoring SR] and, and, and . . . what about the end, when they blow up the Gundams?!

Heavyarms: [frowns] what of it?

DrM: [Sobs] I LOVE THE GUNDAMS!!! AND THEY BLEW YOU TO SMITHERINS!!! DAMN THEM, DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!!

Wing: [raises gundamianum eyebrow] yes, quite . . . ahem . . . we've got to. . . leave now . . . [to readers, urgent whisper] RUN!!

DrM: [blinks] what was that, Wing?

Wing: [grinning] I told them to . . . to . . . REVIEW!! Yeeesss . . . review, exactly what I told them . . . [makes quick motions towards the door]


	2. Five Guess Whose Fault It Is

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. 

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter One: Five Guesses Who's Fault It Is.

_Bright and early the next morning . . ._

"Doh-rey-mee-far-sol-lay-*ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH*!!"

Sandrock blinked as Deathscythe practiced his scales, "Arrrgh?! That's not the next audio-modulation . . ."

"Yeah, it is!" The God Of Death enthused, "It comes just before the OZ soldiers go _BOOM_!!"

Heavyarms shuddered slightly as he tried not to laugh at the bad joke. The others just groaned as the Sandrock shook his head, "That's teeeerrrrrrible!!!"

Wufei looked up from his bowl of cereal, and dropped his spoon with a loud milky splash. He stared at the middle of the table with a half dazed, half stunned expression. His eyes widened.

Duo paused in his eating and stared at Wufei, "What?"

The black haired pilot didn't answer, didn't even look like he had heard Duo's question. Quatre opened his eyes, and cradled his tea, "Wufei?"

Wufei blinked but remained silent. Heero paused in his typing to look over the rim of his laptop. The blue-eyed boy shook his head, and returned to his typing. Trowa, amazed by the complete silence – almost, not counting Heero's typing, which happened so regularly, that it had become like white noise – glanced over his paper, and looked around. Quatre was frowning ever so adorab- he caught himself and corrected, Quatre was frowning ever so slightly, Duo's spoon was piled high with cornflakes and ice-cold milk dripping slowly, as the usual talkative pilot stared at Wufei's face, which was still caught in a strange expression. 

"Hm," Trowa muttered, "It looks like Wufei's having a religious experience . . ." He threw a hand up and cried, "He's a Believer, Lord!!"

It was at this point Wufei woke up. 

The pilot began slowly, just blinking quickly, as if in shock. Then he slowly looked up. 

"How . . . in . . . the . . . HELL DO YOU STEAL *FIVE* GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS _WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU_?!"

_Approximately 3am, a few days ago . . . _

Doktor S snickered as Professor G swam through a load of wrappers to get to Deathscythe's cockpit.

"I swear . . . That kid!" Professor G growled as he pushed another sackful of rubbish out of the small space. "How is it possible from such a small boy to gather so much crap?!"

Doktor S shrugged, and sat back . . . only to yelp and jump up as his tush came in contact with a small dagger. He frowned and removed the small weapon. He was just lowering himself down again when a thought occurred to him, and he swiftly checked for more weapons. Instructor H sighed happily as he calmly went through the operational start-up of Sandrock. "Naturally, Sandrock is almost in the same condition as I gave it to Quatre all those years ago . . ."

"Almost?" Doctor J's face came crackling onto the monitor. The man chuckled, "What's changed?"

H's eyes slipped up to a small stash of pictures partially hidden, "Let's just say I think he's developing a little crush on one of the others . . ." His pointed moustache flicked a little as he pulled out one particularly questionable picture of Trowa, fast asleep. 

Master O chuckled deeply, "aside from the incense burning and the various dartboards of hate . . ." The Master chuckled again, as he caught sight of a particularly perforated picture, "G? I think you should tell Duo to let off on Wufei for a little while. . ."

"Why should Duo yield?" G bristled, "Why can't Wufei lighten up?"

O narrowed his eyes, "Wufei is a perfectly good soldier . . . Duo the Cookie Monster God of Death should learn to be---"

"Gentlemen . . . there will be enough time at dawn for your handbags . . ." J interrupted, he looked around and flicked some switches, "Now . . . Let us make out way out."

The cockpits sealed as the Gundams went on a level of stealth only the scientists had known about. 

Tip-Toe-Mode.

The Present.

"INJUSTICE!!!"

Duo cringed as Wufei stormed into the room, hollering at the top of his voice. He gazed down on himself, as another pair of his favourite black trousers was a victim of tea-assault. Wufei carried on regardless, and walked into the kitchen. "INJUSTICE!!" He bellowed.

Duo waited a second and looked expectantly at the door, Quatre came out, patting himself down rather hastily. He looked up and murmured quickly, "This is tea, not ---" 

Duo held up an understanding hand, "I know . . . I'm a victim too." He shook his head as the two went up the stairs, "You know, I really don't think he's doing it because he thinks it's an injustice anymore . . . I think he's doing it because he knows he'll get this reaction . . ."

"INJUSTICE!!"

Trowa jumped visibly, his tea jostling eagerly out of his mug. As the scalding hot liquid cooled rapidly on his lap, Trowa turned and glared at Wufei, "Must you do that?"

Wufei nodded and walked up to Heero, who –very carefully and very quickly – put his cup down, and swallowed the gulp of tea he was drinking. The Chinese boy seemed to study Heero for a long moment before turning away. Heero sighed a breathe of relief and picked up his tea again.

"INJUSTICE!!!" Wufei roared as it hit him again how ridiculous that their Gundams had been stolen. He raised his finger and shook it hard, "IN-JUS-TICE!!"

Heero winced slightly as he gulped down his tea, and found it to be a little hotter than usual. He sighed and looked at Wufei, "Anything else you wish to add to the argument?"

"It's an injustice!" Wufei grumbled, "Nataku should not have been interfered with."

"Congratulations . . ." Heero growled, "You've proved beyond a shadow of a doubt it's an injustice!"

Trowa sighed and shook his head, Wufei was going to be on a bender for a few more days or at least until something else struck his Justice-o-dar. He sighed and turned the page of his book. It was an interesting book, one that Quatre had suggested. It wasn't Trowa's normal read, but that wasn't why he was reading it. The tall boy sighed and tried to concentrate on the page in front of him, and not on the nice little daydream that was presenting itself to him . . .

_A few weeks ago . . ._

The starlight barely provided enough light to see the other, but the Zero G was calming enough for the two pilots.

The smaller blonde boy pressed the book into his hands, "Please take it . . . I think you'd enjoy it too!" 

Trowa looked at him, head tilted slightly, "But why?"

"Because . . . You said that you liked to read, and that you didn't have many chances to peruse this hobby!" Quatre smiled, "Besides I finished it a long time ago, it seems unfair that it gathers dust in Sandrock . . ." 

Trowa gazed at the cover, some fanciful tale about aliens, and abductions and good reasons why people who were abducted should never come back. The only reason he was so much as looking at it – he looked up, and watched Quatre floating back to his own bed – was because Quatre had suggested it. A rare smile had graced his lips. In the confines of his own mind, he was willing to admit perhaps his feelings for the other pilot has strayed a little further than 'He is my friend, I will protect him.'. In the confines of his own bed, Trowa's body was even more accepting of the fact. 

"But . . ." He blinked slowly, as he watched Quatre's head sink lower into the pillow. But Trowa was less optimistic that Quatre returned the feeling. He put the book carefully on the bedside table, it was the same old story: Boy meets Other Boy, Other Boy surrenders to Boy, Boy surrenders back, Other Boy and Boy played violin and flute together, Other Boy and Boy climb in to respective Gundams and don't see each other months, and then Other Boy sent on looper by Zero system and blows up colony, and Boy, Boy mumbles something incoherent but profound, before passing out and losing memory, meanwhile Other Boy feels guilty, and Boy walks around random colony with no memory, until Overprotective Sister comes along, Other Boy re-finds Boy only for Overprotective Sister to interfere, Boy has psychotic episodes about Other Boy, and decides to follow Other Boy wherever he goes even though it means certain death, Boy recovers memory and finds love with Other Boy. 

Trowa sighed, the same old story indeed.

_Present again. _

"And that's the theory explaining the banana shaped universe . . ."

All looked up as Duo and Quatre walked back into the room, Duo grinned as he continued to quote some more Monty Python. "Ahhhh . . ." He hummed, "Let's not go to Camelot . . . it is a silly place."

Heero rolled his eyes, and glared at Duo, "It's 'On second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot, for it is a silly place . . .' Duo."

The braided pilot chuckled, "I love it when you say it . . . coming from you it's just classic!"

Heero's sighed and returned his attention back to his laptop. He blinked as a little G.I.F animation of Wing suddenly popped up in the corner of the screen, and was glomped by a G.I.F animation of Deathscythe, a little heart exploded above them and was followed by: 'Someone loves you. You've got mail!'. Heero sighed, "Duo . . . What have I told you about my laptop?"

"That it's top of the range?"

Heero opened his mouth and lifted a finger but paused, " . . . That too . . ." He muttered, "But mostly the thing I told you that was accompanied by a death threat."

"Gee Heeeeero!" Duo put his hands on his hips and frowned playfully, "You could at least narrow it down a bit!!" As Heero rose slowly from his seat, duo chuckled, "No, I got it . . . Not to touch the laptop on pain of death?"

"Bingo . . ." Heero growled and motioned his laptop, "And what's this?"

". . . A laptop."

Trowa's shoulders shook a little, as he tried not to laugh out loud. Wufei wisely found the wall suddenly very interesting, and Quatre sighed and put a restraining hand on Heero's shoulder. "What's it mean?"

"It means we're going to hold auditions for a new god of death." 

"Heero . . ." Quatre gently pulled his friend's gun out of his grasp, "I meant the icon." 

_"Sniff . . . I only regret that I am not there to see it for myself, but unfortunately us scientists have places to go, Gundam pilots to avoid!"_

Dr. J grinned from the screen, the recorded image only a few days old but still untraceable. Heero's nostrils flared at this fact.

_"Anyway, we thought your Gundams need some improvements, but unfortunately we think we might have made a mistake . . . What kind of mistake? I hear you say, well, let's just say it was dark, we weren't exactly on the right side of sobriety, and heck . . . We can't stop science, chaos theory teaches, no, demands that this mistake was unavoidable . . ."_

Professor G leant over and pushed his fellow doctor out of the way, as he continued.

_"So as you can see you can't really blame us . . . it's not like we could have controlled this at a—_"__

_"Get out my way, you old coot!"_ J pressed down on the mushroom hair, as he pushed G down to the floor, to stare intently at screen, "_anyway, as I was saying . . ."_ He glared downward as his fellow scientist made some rude comments, while struggling to get up again, "_Before I was soooooooo rudely interrupted. . . the mistake we have made was actually fairly unexpected, even though you still can't blame us for making it, it's just a little more than we anticipated. . . what kind of more? I hear you say, well, let's just say---_"__

_"You're repeating yourself, like the moron that you are! You old moron!!"_ The huge nostrils of doom flashed, as G tried to shake his assailant off his head, "_Let me explain since obviously I am the only one who can clearly, and without repeating myself . . . you old bogey!"_

_"Bogey?!"_

Master O shook his head, as the two began to scrap off screen, and leant forward. A soft smile graced his lips as he spoke, "_Perhaps, it maybe noted that our mistake, made in the most innocent, and unknowing of errors, has caused a fluctuation within the life force of the Gundams themselves. Much meditation will be needed, to discover the true extent of no doubt far reaching consequences of our deeds; we must endeavour to discover what exactly has occurred within the depth of each Gundam---_"__

Master O yelped, as he was suddenly pushed out of the way, with the combined efforts of J and G, the two pressed their faces close vying for positions in the camera. "_Basically, we suggest you take the Gundams to Howard, and let him give them the once over . . . we were basically aiming to make the Gundam more responsive to the pilot . . . to achieve this, we reprogrammed the Gundam . . . giving them almost a personality, programmed to be almost exactly like the pilot, but without our training . . . why would a Gundam need training anyway? I mean, basically, the Gundams are programmed to be just like you." _They smirked irritatingly; "_I mean . . . it's such a good idea, why didn't we think of it earlier? Excellent idea, the Gundam would anticipate the pilot, and thus speed up reaction times!" _

The pilots exchanged a slightly worried look, the last 'excellent idea' the scientists had had was the Zero system . . . and they all knew how that had turned out. Duo clasped his cross in one hand, and passed his hand over his eyes, "Saints preserve marmalade. The morons are at it again!"

The scientists grinned, as G shook his fist at the screen, "_Duo Shinigami Maxwell, stop making such stupid curses up, and we aren't morons!" _

The big nosed scientist sat back grumpily, as J took over again, sparing just one look at his fellow scientist_; "At least my pilot is well trained!"_ He grinned patronisingly_, "Aren't you Heero? Heh, heh, anyway, back to the mistake, it seemed like a really good idea, at the time . . ."_

"And what time would *that* be?" Duo muttered darkly, as he gazed at his own scientist.

G promptly sat forward, and smirked_, "Oh, the time just between the 10th vodka, the 20th tequila, and the fourth barrel of rum . . ."_ Duo threw his hands in the air despairingly, as the other scientists chuckled. J nodded, "_Yes, well . . . in any case, Howard knows you are coming so I would go see him, and . . ."_ J leant forward, clicking his scary looking claw, an evil glint in his eye, uh, his weird goggles, "_Remind him I won the bet."_

And with that, the screen went blank.

The screen went blank. 

The five Gundams glanced at each other, silently, assessing what they were going to do. It was a few moments before it sank in as to where they would be heading in the morning . . .

_"HOWARD!!!!"_

  -----------------------------------------

Time for those bothersome Doctor Megalomania's Mission Logs – Sorry Duo!!

DrM: [Grins] Yay!! This got more reviews than I ever thought it would!! Thank you, thank you so much!!!

Wing: [irritated] How could you?! You've only encouraged her to write even more of this!! 

Deathscythe: [Playing on Gundam-size Gameboy] isn't that a good thing? 

Nataku: [meditating] Ommmm . . . not really . . . Ommmm . . . It's just more injustice that we will have to . . . Ommmm . . . put up with . . . 

DrM: Hey! You guys are mean!! So very mean!!

Sandrock: [bored] Your point being?

DrM: [ignoring SR] And all the nice, nice people out there want to read about you . . . I'm providing a service!!

Heavyarms: [raises Gundamianum Eyebrow] Sure . . . that's what you call it, right? 

DrM: [growls] Watch you're trap Ammo-boy . . . I haven't quite forgiven your pilot for blowing up my favourite Gundam!

Heavyarms: Oh, just bring it . . . [raises hands and beckons DrM onward] Just bring it, little girl!!

Wing: [nursing headache] Please don't review . . . you'll only encourage more of this madness . . .

DrM: [growling, and shakes fist at Wing] I heard that, you meanie!! Ya supposed to encourage the readers to review!!

Deathscythe: [to wing] like this 'kay? [turns sweetly to readers, putting on giant chibi-gundam eyes] Pwease review, don't make us all sad and lonely, PWEASE!!!!

Wing: I think I'll pass.


	3. Howard!

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. 

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter two: Howard!!!

_Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!_

The PeaceTrillion's fog horn blared as it signalled it's readiness to take the massive passengers aboard it's deck.

Howard's sunglasses glinted in the afternoon sunlight, his favourite red Hawaiian shirt flapped around loosely, and his hands were stuffed into his kaki shorts. He chewed absently on the end of his cigar, as he gazed out across the sea. His greying hair was unmoving in the wind, as he thought about the sight of the five Gundams flying toward him. 

"Ah. . . another mistake, eh J?" He snorted, miserable old hag.

"So. . . what's up with them?"

Quatre smiled gently, as he murmured, "We were hoping you could tell us. . ." He glanced over his should as Howard's men lowered Sandrock into the hold. Howard grinned, as he stubbed his cigar out, promptly lit another and walked up to the edge of the hold to stare down. He tilted his head slightly as he observed ShenLong; the Gundam's head was tilted up as if it was looking up to them. "Hmmm. . ." He hummed, "So you didn't notice anything when you were fighting, nothing freaky last night while they were in the hanger? No random bursting into song, or tap dancing . . .?" Duo sniggered as Howard shrugged, "Seriously, it's the kind of thing J would do . . ." 

"None of this occurred last night," Heero confirmed with a certain deadpan, making Duo snigger even harder. Howard scratched his bald patch, and took a long drag on his new cigar, "Any lights flashing out of sequence?"

Trowa shook his head silently, "Nothing like that . . ." 

Wufei squatted by the edge and peered down, balancing perfectly, he folded his arms. "This is . . . irritating . . ." he muttered, "There is something about Nataku I don't know and it's just . . ."

"Annoying, knowing there's something about them you don't know." Duo murmured, as he sat beside Wufei, swinging his legs back and forth over the edge. He understood the paler boy's irritation perfectly. He disliked the notion that there was something about Deathscythe that he didn't know either. Duo paused, and thought, "Mind you . . . I think I noticed something weird . . ."

He blinked and leaned back on his hands, tilting his head back until he could see the others. An upside down Quatre tilted his head inquisitively, "What's that, Duo?"

Duo shifted his gaze to stare at the blue sky. "I thought I heard Heero talking in the hanger."

"When?"

"That's the thing, I was tying my shoelaces outside the hanger . . . just after everyone left, and then I thought I heard Heero ask if he could watch . . ."

"Watch what?"

"I dunno." Duo sighed, and swung his legs, "It was weird, because I knew Heero was in the mission room, and there was no way he could have snuck back into the hanger without passing me . . . sooooo . . ." The braided boy shrugged again, "I dunno . . . it coulda just been my imagination . . ." 

Howard sighed, and wondered aloud, "Why did J send you to me?"

"He said something about . . ." Heero's brow furrowed slightly, "About the bet, and the fact that we were to remind you that he won it."

"It's been twenty freaking years!! And still he won't let me forget!!" The boys stared at Howard in amazement as the older man shook his fist accusingly at the sky. "Damn you, J!! DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMNNNNNN YOOOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!" Just as the boys were getting ready to edge away, edge awaaaaay sloooowly, ever so sloooowly, Howard sighed, "Alright . . . I'll take a look, you guys go get something to eat. . . and I'll meet you in the canteen after I finish . . ."

"Ahhh . . . I could do with a bit of a paint job!" Deathscythe looked around cheerfully, "And it's been ages since I last had a good lube job!"

Wing snorted quietly, as Nataku sent a passable glare of death at Shinigami. The black and gold Gundam sniggered quietly, and asked in a singsong, angel's voice, "Whaaaaat?"

"You know very well what!!" The dragon Gundam snapped angrily, "I don't wanna know!"

Heavyarms sighed as the two started to bicker again, he tilted his head back slightly knowing that the Gundams couldn't really reveal themselves just yet, not to the engineers that were working near by. Their conversations were being carried over secure lines, which only the pilots had access to. Which was helpful because the pilots didn't monitor the line when it wasn't in use. He smiled to himself slightly as the white clouds above rolled by. 

"Shh!" Sandrock suddenly hissed as the hanger doors swung open, "Someone's coming!"

"Really?" Shinigami hissed quickly as the Gundams shut down again, "Pity it's not Heero, eh Wing?"

"Don't put that image in my head!" Wing snapped back, "It's bad enough he's dating her!"

The Gundams chuckled once more, before falling silent.

Howard sniffed slightly as he walked into the hanger. "So, guys . . ." he glanced up at the Gundams, "How are y'all?"

"Heeeeero . . . man, sit down, it's enough the boat's rocking . . ."

"It's been three hours. . ." The stoic pilot growled threateningly, "Surely by now Howard could have given us some kind of status report."

"Howard'll get to us, when he gets to us. Now sit your ass down, and tell me . . ." Duo leant forward on his chair, "Are ya in or out?"

"In." Heero sat with a sigh, as he picked up his hand. The cards were favourable, not as good as Trowa's and just better than Wufei's. The black haired pilot scowled as he stared at his hand, and pushed forward his small wager. A small pile of lime flavoured gummi-bears. Heero smirked, as Duo pushed forward his own wager, a small pile of white chocolate. "I'm gonna trash you, Wu-wu."

"Shut it, Maxwell." Wufei shook his head, but even Heero caught the humoured grin. Trowa was silent, completely immersed in the game. It was recently discovered that one thing Trowa actively enjoyed from his time with the mercenaries was the card games, and the green-eyed boy always took the cards very seriously. Heero enjoyed it too, as it was also a source of training, he could practise his poker face.

Quatre smiled as he poured another round of drinks for his friends, despite the fact there was no real gambling going on, the blonde haired boy still bowed out of the game, claiming he had no skill at the game. The atmosphere was intense, interestingly, the four others loved to challenge each other, and it was unusual that they managed to find the time to play the game. 

"Ha!" Duo crowed as Wufei steamed at him, "Go fish!"

Howard sank back in Wing's chair and looked around. There was nothing out of the ordinary with the hardware . . . he flicked a few switches and entered in his own command code. Maybe the changes were in the software! 

"C'mon Boys . . ." he glanced around the hanger, as the other Gundams stood around, "Toss me a bone here . . . Tell me what that ol' booger did to y'all!" He sat back and twiddled his thumbs, humming, "Could it be I got bored and lonely? . . . could it be I was old and horny . . .?" Howard blink as the screen next to him suddenly filled with typing. "What the. . .?" The conversation box was white, with neat black typing in it, with the header: _Gundam, Zero One – Wing Zero: _at the top. Howard raised an eyebrow as he read.

_Could it be that Lady Luck has smiled herself on me?_

Howard smiled slowly as he started to realise what was going on, "Voice activated, eh?"

Yes.

Impressed, the grey haired (and mostly bald) man nodded, "And responsive . . . very neat." He blinked as another conversation box, this time aqua-blue with black typing popped up next to Wing's, reading at the top: _Gundam, Zero Four – Sandrock:_

_These units are now equipped far-reaching databases, in order to cut down on time wasted on searching and locating data. Also: Cleanliness is next to godliness._

"You even get to give them a tip for the day . . ." The older man chuckled, "J really pushed the boat out this time, I guess it would be too much to ask if you have an opinion on anything?"

Another box, this time jade green with crisp white type appeared.

_Gundam, Zero Three – Heavyarms:_

_Anything is a wide subject, such data can not be processed._

Howard nodded as he read Heavyarms' message, "I agree . . . alright . . ." he stroked his chin, "How about the war effort and your roles?"

A light grey box with darker grey letters popped up instantly, titled: _Gundams and the War Effort._ Howard raised both his eyebrows as ShenLong provided a long essay.

The old man nodded slowly, "You've got a lot to say on the subject, haven't you?"

_Affirmative._

Howard blinked as a black box with white writing pooped up in front of ShenLong's. He smirked as Deathscythe confirmed that all five Gundams were able to communicate in this fashion, "So . . . you can answer questions and requests . . ." he blinked as the five boxes rearranged themselves on the screen in numerical order. "That's very interesting . . ." he leant back and folded his arms, "Snything else you can do?"

_Gundam, Zero Two – Deathscythe Hell:_

_Knock, knock, Howard_

The old man smiled, "Who's there?"

_Gundam._

"Gundam who?"

_Gundammit! Let us in, or ShenLong will blow the doors in!_

Despite the corniness, Howard found himself chuckling. "Oh boy . . . the boys are gonna *love* you!" 

"What do you think he'll find?"

Duo looked over the rim of his cards, to glare at into cobalt blue eyes . . . Heero glared back . . . then violet eyes shifted to meet black eyes, and glared . . . Wufei glared back . . . the violet eyes shifted again, and glared into a jade green eye . . . Trowa stared, impassively, and cool. "Quatre. . . not now."

The Arabian chuckled, "It's just a jellybean!"

"But it's the last strawberry flavoured jellybean." Duo growled, "And I'm going to win it, even if it kills Wufei."

Wufei snorted, "You can try."

"I am Shinigami. . . Shinigami WILL have the last strawberry jellybean."

The door swung open on the five pilots, revealing a tired Howard. The Hawaiian shirted man yawned, stretched and headed straight for the coffee. Duo blinked, and leaned back in his seat, "Hey Howard. . ."

Howard held up a hand, and supped at his coffee. 

There was utter silence as the five watched Howard get his caffeine fix, breathe some of that coffee aroma, smile happily, and then turned to deal with the five pilots. "Yes, Duo?"

"S'up with the Gundams then?"

"Nothing, there's nothing physically wrong with them." Howard smiled, "Man, you guys were all steamed up about nothing. . ."

"So, what did the scientists change?" Wufei demanded, slamming the table with his fist and forcing the strawberry jellybean to rock with fear. Quatre placed his hand over Wufei's to calm him, and looked pleadingly with Howard. "Please. . . anything at all?"

"Not really anything out and out strange, I mean it's not something you'd notice much really. . ." Howard stroked his beard, "It's more like they've had a new paint job. . ."

"Is that it?" Trowa asked, still reorganising his hand. He sighed softly, "Then it was a waste of our time, and the Gundams' fuel reserves us coming here then?"

Howard shrugged, and nodded, "Pretty much so, I mean given enough time you guys would probably found it anyway. . . especially if you knew what you were looking for."

"That's the thing Howard, my man. . ." Duo grumbled, "We don't know what we are looking for, so why not save us some time, me some thinking and just blurt it out?"

"Sure," Howard shrugged, "Your Gundams are now voice activated, and can respond . . ." 

"That's it?!" Duo jumped up from his seat, "That's IT?!"

Howard nodded, "Pretty much so. . ." he grinned, "but that's not all. . ." Howard began to laugh, "The mistake comes in the form of . . . oh I dunno. . ." Howard grinned even more, as if what he was about to say was utterly hilarious, and he couldn't keep the straight face to tell it, he began to chuckle, "Say for example you were to go up to Deathscythe, and tell it to dance. . . do you know what it would turn around and say to you?"

"It would say . . . 'Yes, Duo' . . ." Quatre answered, "And then Deathscythe would begin to dance?" 

Duo began to chuckle and the image of his Gundam dancing the tango on the decks, while Howard laughed out right. The grey haired man sobered enough to grin at the pilots, "No. . ." he chortled, "Deathscythe would turn around and tell you to piss off, and go dance where the sun don't shine. . ." 

"WHHAAAAAAAT?!" Duo's jaw threatened to hit the floor, as Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, and even Heero, stared at Howard in shock.

"Think he's told them yet?" 

Deathscythe's gel green eyes glowed into awareness, as he turned slightly to look at his sibling Gundams, "Who's telling who what when?"

ShenLong sighed, "Don't tell me you've been asleep all this time!"

"I can't help it!" The black and gold Gundam shrugged slightly, "Travelling by sea makes me sleepy."

"And stupid, by the sounds of it . . ." ShenLong growled, "You remember that daft joke you cracked?"

Deathscythe yawned, and grinned sleepily, "Oh yeah . . ."

Sandrock chuckled, "Well, suffice to say . . . we told Howard about us. . ."

"Us?" Deathscythe blinked slightly, "Awww schweeet!! But how do you think Q and T are gonna react when they find out their Gundams are gay, and taken the step they've been resisting all this time. . .?"

There was silence as the Gundams stared at the sleepy Deathscythe. Then ShenLong took a looooooong meaningful look at Wing, before Wing murmured, "I don't date him for his brains. . ."

------

[Cue that funky Gundam music they put on the previews]

DrM: [singing along!]

Wing: what . . .  [points at DrM] is she doing?!

Deathscythe: I think she's having a convulsion . . . 

Sandrock: Maybe a stroke?

Heavyarms: Think we should call a doctor?

Shenlong: [folds arms and stads back] Nah, let's just watch the fireworks when she spontaneously combusts . . . 

DrM: [Jumps up] Just wild beat communication!! Ah-meh-nee, some stuff I can pronounce, Kah-la-va-something Japanese . . . dah, dah, dah . . .

Wing: [turns to reads] you know the score, review . . . and we'll let Shenlong . . .

Shenlong: [smiles and waves] Hi!

Wing: …let Shenlong make her stop singing . . . failure to review will result in . . . [big scarey voice] Allowing her to keep going!!


	4. First Steps

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Oh, and Marvin the indestructible extra. 

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 3: First Steps . . .

The next two days saw the pilots avoiding their Gundams, none of them felt ready to make the first step of actually going to 'talk' to their Gundam. Howard sighed and stepped down the corridor leading to the hanger, after, once again, unsuccessfully trying to persuade Duo to visit. He rubbed his eyes as he approached the door, not seeing the blonde haired ball of indecision hovering in front of the door.

**Humfpt!**

Howard blinked as he bumped into Quatre, the blonde boy smiled back apologetically. "Sorry Howard, I didn't see you there. . ."

"S'okay, kid, are you gonna go in or are ya chicken like the rest of ya comrades?" Howard joked as he brushed himself off. Quatre laughed, a quiet sound, in the darkened corridor. It was late, very late, even Howard was just stopping by the hanger to say good night before going to bed. The fourth pilot sighed and looked at the door. "Should I go in?"

Howard clapped a hand on the bony shoulder, "Yeah . . . I mean you're gonna havta sometime, might as well get it done." 

Quatre nodded, "But what if—"

"Eh!" Howard growled, "*IN*!!"

Quatre sighed again as Howard closed the door behind him. The hanger was pitch black, not even the moonlight was allowed in. he gazed into the darkness pensively, not even his Space Heart could tell him about the Gundams. Truth be told, this was what was putting the pilots off from meeting their Gundams. They didn't know what to expect, they had tried observing the Gundams, but the Gundams were still - not a single movement, nothing to suggest that the Gundams were even aware of anything. Quatre drew a breath, and found his nerve.

"Hello?"

His voice echoed slightly, and then there was silence.

He was almost ready to call out again, when the deck shook. Hard. Quatre threw his arms out to keep himself steady. The deck shook again, and Quatre realised what was happening. One of the Gundams was moving toward him. The small boy pressed himself again the hanger wall, and hoped the Gundam wouldn't come any closer, he didn't want to be squished under a careless foot.

The shaking stopped after a few more steps, and then Quatre felt a sucking wind upwards, as loud creaking, and hydraulics sounded. A bright light blinded him, as the Gundam crouched down. He raised his head when all the movement stopped, and raised his arm to cover his eyes from the blinding white light from all five of the Gundams.

"Please!!" Quatre yelled out, the light was too bright, "Please turn your lights down low, I can't see!!"

The lights dimmed instantly to a more acceptable level as the Gundams stared at him. The red tinting his vision fading quickly, Quatre drew a deep breath and looked up. The five Gundams surrounded him; Deathscythe was down on one knee before him, with the other four behind the black and gold Gundam. "Errrr . . ." Quatre found his social skills desert him, his wit dried up and wilted, "Erm . . . huh-huh-hi . . ."

The Gundams continued to stare at him. Deathscythe started to tilt his head in a curious manner, before slowly turning his head to glance at the other Gundams. A silent conversation took place, leaving Quatre under the impression he was being talked about. "Excuse me . . ." he shouted up, "but I . . . I . . ." 

Deathscythe returned his attention to Quatre. The blonde haired boy blinked as Duo's warm laughter filled the huge hanger, and echoed off the walls. The laughter of others quietly flitted out, and Deathscythe shook his head, "Welcome Pilot Four . . . we . . ." he chuckled again, "We are Gundam. We are Gundamn glad to see you . . . and Gundamn lucky you showed up, Heavyarms needs a oil change . . . he's squeaking."

"Hey!" Trowa's quiet voice called out against gentle chuckles. 

"You . . . you can talk . . . but Howard told us . . ."

The Gundam clucked again, "well . . . it's kinda tough to talk to the pilot if he hasn't got access to a screen, y'know?"

"Oh . . . OH!!" Quatre felt himself gasp as Deathscythe slowly extend a massive hand toward him, palm up. "My name is Quatre . . ."

The laughter came again, this time a little louder, clearer. "We know. . ." Quatre smiled slightly at the gentle tone of Heavyarms, the orange and gold Gundam leant forward and whispered loudly, "Quatre Rebarba Winner . . ."

Quatre braced himself as he climbed into the offered hand, "Thank you." The young boy tried not to yelp in surprise as he found himself being lifted up in the air, as Deathscythe got off it's knees and stood with the other Gundams. "Eh, heh, heh . . ." Deathscythe chuckled again, "For someone who can take on a fleet of OZ mobile dolls . . . and look Dorothy in the eye and not laugh at her eyebrows . . ." Quatre opened his eyes at this, and looked around, the five Gundams were gathered around. He turned until he came face to face with his own Gundam, Sandrock. Quatre smiled warmly, as his Gundam stared back, "Greetings Sandrock . . . my beloved partner."

"Greetings . . ." Quatre was surprised to hear his own voice echo back to him, Sandrock tilted his head affectionately, "My beloved Quatre . . ."

The two stared at one another for a warm moment. Neither quite believing it. A beautiful sense of security filled Quatre's heart, he was surprised to find he got some sort of emotional sensation from his own Gundam. 

"Annnnd . . . they called it Gundam luuuurrrrve . . ." Deathscythe suddenly sang out loud, scaring the hell out of Quatre, and quite promptly putting an end to that mushy moment.

_Early, the next morning. . ._

Trowa sipped at his coffee, raising only one eyebrow in greeting of the others, as they filed in. "Hey . . ." Duo blinked as he looked around sleepily, "Where's the Q-man?"

Trowa looked up, "I don't know . . . he didn't come back from the hanger last night."

Just then, Quatre walked in, and beamed at them all despite looking like he didn't get a wink of sleep all night. "Good morning . . ." he nodded, yawned, and stretched as he made his way to the coffee machine, and pressed for tea. He leaned against the counter, and looked at his fellow pilots. "They are just like us."

Wufei looked up, "Who are?"

"The Gundams." Quatre smiled as he pushed off the counter, and picked up his tea. He stirred it, and picked out the tea bag. "Just like us in almost every way, but without the training."  

"Meaning?" Heero asked quietly, as he tapped away at his laptop.

"Meaning, they aren't as jaded, aren't as blunt, aren't as quiet as we are . . ." Quatre smiled, "Even Deathscythe is more energetic than Duo . . . it's almost like they are who we should be without the war." He smiled and shook his head, "In fact, Heavyarms and Wing are the most talkative beings I've ever had the pleasure of conversing with . . . they are the reason I didn't come back last night . . ."

Heero and Trowa looked up simultaneously, and stared at Quatre. Nerve tendons worked in their jaws as the two quiet boys tried to contemplate the enormity of this fact. Wufei cocked his head as if he was trying to imagine it, trying to see in his mind a version of Heero and Trowa as active talkers, and Duo Maxwell even more . . . DUO than normal. The black haired pilot suppressed a shudder at the thought. 

And Duo looked from Quatre, then to Trowa and Heero . . . and just started to laugh his head off.

_Elsewhere . . ._

Howard frowned as a small commercial jet approached. He checked his radar, the craft was definitely heading towards them. But how could it be?! The PeaceTrillion was hidden from view, OZ couldn't even find them if they tried. The Hawaiian shirted man frowned and stared to bark some orders, whoever it was were not getting onto this ship without showing their intentions first.

_And in the hanger . . ._

#SNOOOOOREEEEEE#

Marvin had been a technician on Howard's ship for darn near ten years now, he had seen most things, he had seen mobile suits being created and destroyed, he had seen men openly cry and women kick some serious can, he had seen the most beautiful sunrises, and the most hideous of battles . . . hell, he had even seen Howard with his sunglasses off.

But never, in his entire life, ever, ever, ever, EEEEEVVVVEEERR had Marvin seen a Gundam snore in it's sleep. 

Poor Marvin. 

Certainly didn't expect to be brushed off a Gundam's chest cavity like some insignificant piece of pocket lint as he was cleaning the said Gundam.  

"YEEEERRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Deathscythe snorted again and fell in to a deeper stupor. Marvin went hurtling through the air, and was about to become much like The Scream on the hanger wall, when a massive hand reached out and caught him. The save still knocked the poor man unconscious but at least he wasn't wallpaper.

Wing rolled the Gundam equivalent of his eyes – he turned his head compartment the whole 360 degrees around - and looked at the small puny human in his hand. Sighing the massive Gundam lifted the small being onto the gangway. "How many more times do I have to tell you, stop sending people onto Deathscythe when he's sleeping . . ." he trailed off, and rolled his eyes again, "Never mind . . ."

Sandrock shook his head, "I guess they still can't get their heads around the fact we're talking, walking—"

"I wanna talk like you, walk like you . . . oh-bah-doo-be-dooo!" Deathscythe hummed dozily, and fell back asleep, leaving the others just shaking their heads. ShenLong glanced upwards, the open sky was blue, with a few clouds. It was warm and sunshine poured through the open hanger deck. "Where are our pilots? Heero hasn't even come to have his morning poke around in Wing!"

_Outside the hanger . . ._

Trowa sighed, the others were still questioning Quatre, but Trowa . . . Trowa was curious now. Heavyarms a more talkative version of himself? He sighed and leant against the lift's door as it took him to the gangway's opening. This was something he had to see . . . he frowned, or indeed *hear* for himself.

His jade eyes slid open as the doors parted. "Alright!" 

The Gundams fell silent as Trowa's quiet voice echoed throughout the hanger deck, "I wish to be alone with the Gundams for now . . . everyone o—"

Trowa's eyes widen with blatant fear as sixty-five engineers and technicians stampeded toward him, desperate to get out of the creepy hanger. 

The circus clown sighed, "Oh no . . ."  

  -----------------------------------------

And Now it's Time To Leave it To DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: Bong!! Mellow greetings!! Here are two new chapters to make up for my little . . ..

Wild: LITTLE?!! You call a month gap in updating LITTLE?!

DrM: . . .. lack of updating, Gomen ni? It would be nice if there were still people reading this!! 

Bluegoo (intruding on story for no apparent reason): KAMUI would SO kick Heero's butt!!

Wing: He would SO not!! [Glances at DrM and the model in her hands] that isn't what I think it is, is it?

DrM: HAI!! I have a WING GUNDAM MODEL!! GOOOOO, MINI-WING-GUNDAM-CHAN!!! [moves mini-wing's legs] it has moving legs!! [moves hands] and hands!!

Wing: [raised eyebrow, unimpressed] isn't this a little demeaning?

Mini-Wing-Gundam-Chan: you're telling me? You're not the one she's been cuddling all day?!

Bluegoo: *Sigh*

DrM: You're so cute, Mini-Wing-Gundam-chan!!

Mini-Wing-Gundam-Chan: Review, please review, take her attention off me!! please!!!!!!!


	5. Duo’s Gundamn Mutual Appreciation Societ...

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. 

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!! Also much thanks goes out to my brilliant beta, Bluegoo, without her, I doubt I'd keep up coherent sentences!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 4: Duo's Gundamn Mutual Appreciation Society!!

"Oh no . . ."

Trowa narrowly escaped with his life, as he launched himself into the air to escape the stampede of Howard's men. He closed his eyes praying that Quatre was right, and that the Gundams could move by themselves, as it was a rather long fall to the ground. 

He landed with a soft thud in a cupped hand, and opened his eyes to find himself staring into the intense features of ShenLong, the Gundam clucked and cocked it's head, "And what. . ." Wufei's sharp voice demanded, "Would you have done if I had not been able to catch you? Huh?!"

As he stared up silently at the massive blue, white and red visage of ShenLong Gundam, Trowa's imagination generated an image of him in traction and bandaged like a mummy. His imagination then added a couple of embellishments, such as Quatre spoon-feeding him.

"Trowa?"

And of course, there would be music and it would have to be –

"Trowa?! Wake up!"

Hm. That didn't sound like music.

"TROWA!!"

It seemed that ShenLong had actually missed the unfortunate acrobat after all, but his voice would awaken the dead. Trowa came to, rubbed the egg-shaped bump forming on the back of his head and wondered vaguely if he was hallucinating.

_A couple of hours later . . ._

Squeeeakk, _Squeeeeeeeaaaaaaakkk!!_

The landing gears protested loudly, as the silver plane landed heavily. It came to a slow stop, and a green clothed tech ran across the landing strip to fetch a passenger stair for the occupants to exit the plane.

. . . And promptly got squished by the plane's automated elevator.

Heero gazed up at Wing. 

Then he looked over at Duo, who stared up at Deathscythe. They were the last two holdouts. Duo drew a deep breath and strode forward into the hanger, followed by Heero. The other pilots stood in the hands of Heavyarms, Sandrock and ShenLong. Wufei glanced down at them, and said something, which ShenLong repeated louder for him. "Onna and Baka!! So, you finally plucked up the courage!!"

Heavyarms shook his head and glared at his sibling. "You should not encourage discord amongst the pilots . . . not matter how cowardly 1 and 2 have been."

"We're not cowardly!" Duo yelled up, shaking his fist at the orange and gold Gundam, and was very happy to watch as his Gundam swung his hand at the back of Heavyarms' head. Deathscythe growled, "My pilot is not a coward!"

Sandrock chuckled, and sank down to bring his hand close to Duo and Heero. "Congratulations on successfully locating the correct hanger . . . we were fearful that you had gotten lost on the way . . ."

"Funny, Sandy, hiiiilarious!" Deathscythe barked irritated, "Gimme my pilot and go bug the 'Corps with your smartass comments, 'kay?" 

Duo grinned as he jumped from Sandrock's hand to his own Gundam's, "Shinigami!!"

"Duuuuuo!!!" Deathscythe yelled back, "Buddy!!"

"Pal!" Duo hugged his Gundam's thumb, "Man, this is so cooooool!!"

"Naturally!! 'Cause we ARE the best!" 

"YAY!!"

"Shut up!!" ShenLong growled, "Urgh! Enough of the mutual appreciation society!!" He paused and glanced down at Wufei who nodded his approval, ". . .besides, it is Wufei and I who are the best . . . you are all weak, stupid women!!"

"Ooooo . . ." Deathscythe swung around to Nataku, and cocked his head as he deadpanned, "The burn."

Nataku swivelled around fully, and held up his other hand, a huge plume of fire sparked there hotly for a moment, "Would you like to burn, Deathscythe? Try me, just try me!"

The pilots looked at each other as the two Gundams started to sling insults at each other. "Aw, hell . . ." swore Heavyarms, he shook his head, "Guys not again!"

"Shut the hell up!" Deathscythe snapped, and turned on Nataku again, "I'd stow it if I were you, justice-freak . . . or I'll lay into Wufei so badly, he'll be cryin' for his momma for the rest of his little life . . ."

"At least my pilot doesn't look like a woman!" Nataku retorted, "and besides Wufei doesn't cry!"

"The hell he doesn't!" Shinigami barked back, he shook a finger at the offending Gundam, "Lay off my pilot's hair . . . it's a symbol of his memory. . ."

"Womanhood!"

"Memory!"

"WOMANHOOD!!" Nataku's thrusters flared violently.

"MEMORY!!" Deathscythe's wings suddenly flicked out. "I'm tellin' ya now, Wu-ster, back off 'cause if you wanna bring it, I'll pay the postage!!"

Duo and Wufei blinked in surprise as their Gundams started to square off against each other. The Deathscythe's thermal scythe ignited, and ShenLong whirled his staff around his giant wrist, the two took up fighting position and growled at each other, and the pilot felt a surge of fear as the general feeling in the room became charged. Heero frowned, the other three Gundams seemed to glance amongst each other questioning and conversing silently. Sandrock finally nodded, and stepped forward, a cool, commanding tone overriding the gentle voice he usually used. "That's enough."

The only indication from the two sparing Gundams was a flare of thrusters, and their hands creaking as they tightened their grips.

"I said . . ." roared Sandrock, clearly angry now, "THAT'S ENOUGH!!"

Deathscythe sighed and glanced at Sandrock, "I can't even hit him about, Professor?" Sandrock cocked his head, and shook it slowly. The tension leaked out of the room easily as Deathscythe moaned, "Awwww . . . you're mean!"

She stepped out, of course . . . her unfortunate star prince!! Such a place wasn't suited for him, he needed taking care of, he needed attention of the very kindest, he needed . . . he *needed* . . .

"MISS RELENA?!" Mister Howard nearly chocked on his cigar, as she rushed up to him, her faithful butler Pargen in tow. 

Yes . . . Heero needed Relena!

Wing suddenly stiffened.

Shutting down his external loudspeaker, he routed a radio transmission to his fellow Gundams, "A plane just landed, no markings."

"I sense someone is interested in us then . . ." Nataku muttered. "I sense---"

"I see dead people!"

"Shut up, Maxwell!"

"But I do!" Insisted Deathscythe, as Sandrock continued the conversation.

"What size is the plane?"

"It looks . . ." Wing trailed off quickly, and checked, "Ack! It's a private plane, it's . . ." he sighed as he hacked into the ship's central computer, "feck!"

"Feck, eh?" Deathscythe chuckled, "good ol' feck . . . been ages since duo met with good ol'—"

"SHUT UP MAXWELL!!"

"Awww . . . but Wu-doh-rey-me, it's Feck . . . everyone loves a good---"

"MAXWELL!!!"

Heero frowned as the five Gundams stopped responding, all of the Gundams had straightened and now stood facing each other as if conversing. The only one seemingly not completely involved in the conversation was Heavyarms, "What's wrong?"

Heavyarms tilted his head as he stared impassively at Heero, "What makes you think . . ." the Gundam trailed off, and stood as he too was called to join in the conversation. "What is this all about?" Quatre wondered as he and his fellow pilots stood on gangway to watch the Gundams and their silent conversation. "What can they be talking about now?"

A few moments passed like this with the Gundams just talking away before even the small movements, which indicated the conversation, ceased. All moment ceased as the Gundams turned as one to look at the door. The pilots frowned at this and turned themselves. A piercing cry filled the air. 

"HEEEEEEEE—RRRRRROOOOOOOHHH!!!"   

----------------------------------------

And Now It's Time To Leave It To MINI-WING-GUNDAM-CHAN!!!

Mini-Wing-Gundam-Chan: Hi, I just thought I'd make my point even clearer . . . people, you don't seem to understand that I, Mini-Wing-Gundam-Chan, am sick of being cutesy, sick of being Kawaii, Kawaii, lovely Mini-Wing-Gundam-Chan . . . I hate it!! She's got me here, and I want out . . . so . . .

DrM: There you are!! Come on!! It's time to put you in that ballerina pose, you know, the one that Heero always puts you in when you fire your buster rifle!!

Bluegoo: Hey, Wing, if you want to commit suicide, you know who to c---

Wing: AWW, HELL NO!!! I WOULD SO COMPLETELY STOMP HIM FIRST!!!

Bluegoo *Knowing smirk* Kamui. Kicks. Your. Butt. 

DrM: BUT!! [whips out Gundam Wing DVD] DEATHSCYTHE HELL CUSTOM GUNDAM WOULD DEFEAT EVERYONE!!

Wing and Bluegoo: *Sweatdropping*

DrM: [puts Mini-Wing-Gundam-Chan in front of computer] look, Mini-Wing-Gundam-Chan!! Next model I want is Mini-Deathscythe-Gundam-Chan!!

Wing: Run, Deathscythe!! Run!! Readers . . . you too . . . quickly, review and then run away!!!


	6. Antisocial Git

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm, warnings . . . let's see . . . some potty mouth, naughty thoughts, more potty mouth, and erm, yaoi . . . it's like eating ready salted Pringles with Nutella chocolate spread, ya just don't know how much you'll love it, unless you try!!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 5: Antisocial Git

There in the doorway stood Relena.

Her chest heaved slightly from where she had pelted down the stairs on to the gangway, her hair was impossibly neat with only three hairs out of place, and her lovely pink suit and skirt was impeccable. The blonde haired girl walked over double speed, her light pink shoes – flats of course – clacking quietly. She focused on Heero and pushed through Trowa and Duo to get to him. 

"Whoa!! Watch it lady!"

" . . .!!"

"Heero . . . don't worry, I'm---"

_"REEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN—NNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"_

Relena screamed and covered her ears, crouching to the ground, the five pilots jumped almost out of their skin, and quickly dived for cover, even Heero's knuckles went white from where he was gripping the railing so tightly. Above the hanger, several engineers spilled their coffee and tea, Howard's cigar fell out of his mouth, and Pargen actually opened his eyes widely . . . a flock of birds that had decided to rest on the roof of the bridge squalled and took off quickly . . . and somewhere deep in the bowls of the ship, in the deck five's toilets a constipated man was happily relieved . . .

Blinking, Relena staggered to her feet and stared at the suddenly close features of Deathscythe. Her mouth fell open as the Gundam of Wufei slapped it's forehead, her mind reeled when Trowa's Gundam threw it's head back and started to laugh, her shoulders drooped in shock as Sandrock cocked it's head and placed it's hands on it's hip.

"Deathscythe!!" Quatre's voice boomed from Sandrock.

Relena's eyes filled with tears of pure shock and incomprehension, as Deathscythe twisted it's massive head to look up, "What-o?"

"Don't do that . . . it's disrespectful to our pilots' audio sensors . . ."

"I just thought . . ." Deathscythe, Duo's voice and pitch floating cheerfully from the Gundam, turned back to Relena as if to grin, "That since she does it to Heero all the time, Miss Relena-important-type-boss-lady would like it done back to her . . ."

Relena blinked. Relena gaped like a goldfish. Relena raised a hand and pointed at the five Gundams. Relena's mind fizzed out with an audible 'fitz'. 

And then Relena went slumping to the ground.

"Whooooooooaaaaaa. . ." 

Heero cradled Relena as Quatre gently tried to rouse the girl, Deathscythe and the rest of the Gundams were lent forward trying to see what had happened. "Woooowww. . ." Duo's voice drawled from Deathscythe, the Gundam's gel green eyes flaring slightly with awe, "I killed her . . ."

Trowa shook his head, "You didn't kill her . . . she just fainted."

"She did?" Deathscythe sounded disappointed, "Gundammit! And I thought I'd finally accomplished it!"

Relena chose that particular moment to wake up. She stared at Deathscythe, processing his last statement, "You're trying to kill me?"

"Isn't *everybody*?!" Deathscythe nodded enthusiastically, "Of course . . . only a few months ago, didn't you say . . . and I quote from very reliable sources, 'Heeeeeeeeee-roh . . . Commmmmmeeeeee and Kiiiiiilllllll meeeeeee!!'?" The Gundam chuckled loudly and motioned the others, "Does it really have to be Heero, or can we all try our luck?"

Relena's eyes crossed . . . and then rolled back in her head.

"That wasn't very funny!"

Quatre yelled up as he tried to rouse Relena for a second time. He sighed and allowed Trowa to try his hand at it for a bit. The blonde hair boy turned to look at the five Gundams, "In fact that's very cruel to admit that you're trying to kill our world's only hope for peace. . ."

"How does that figure?" Nataku challenged, he pointed at Relena with a bright yellow dragon claw, "How can *she* be this world's only hope for peace, she's a spoil, rich, naïve, obsessive stalker . . . and incredibly offensive to the audio processors?" The Gundam folded it's arms and nodded much like Wufei would have done, "The question isn't how will she save the world from itself, it's how long will it take for the grating quality of her voice take to . . . oh wait . . ." The massive Gundam turned to announce his sudden flash of inspiration, "I get it now!" 

"Get what?" Heavyarms inquired quietly, Nataku seemed quite excited.

"Why Relena will save the earth, and how she will do it!"

"Really?" Deathscythe reached over to poke at Relena, succeeding in almost knocking Wufei over. "How's that then, Wu?"

"Her voice . . . her entire *personality* . . . what they're waiting for is for every one to realise how annoying she is . . . that's why they are carting her about everywhere . . . making sure everyone gets a good dose of Relena . . .and then, when the annoyance sets in, everyone's going to forget how much they hate the other side, and then unite against a common enemy – RELENA PEACECRAFT!!!"

Deathscythe, Heavyarms and even Sandrock clapped as ShenLong took a bow.

"That's not true!" Quatre frowned as his own Gundam started to laugh with the others over this. "Relena will succeed in achieving peace for us through her lectures about Total Pacifism!!"

"Oooohhh, Suuuuuure, Q-and-A . . ." Deathscythe hummed comfortingly, "Of course good ol' Relena Peacecrap will achieve Boredom for us through her chatterings about Total Pain-in-the-ass-ism . . ."

As Relena was holed up in bed, recovering from her intense shock, the pilots decided to dedicate some time to talking privately to their Gundams. . .

"So . . ." 

Quatre smiled as his Gundam trailed off, before beginning again. "So?"

"So . . ." Sandrock sounded like he was blushing, and Quatre could faintly feel embarrassment from his own Gundam. "So, when are you going to . . . y'know with . . . Trowa and . . .?"

The blonde hair pilot sighed, "I don't think I ever will . . . I mean . . . I can't even be sure that he. . ."

". . . returns my feelings . . ." Trowa confessed quietly, "I would love to be able to tell him but I . . . I don't want to risk our friendship."

Heavyarms was silent for a moment, digesting the information. Trowa felt exposed but calm, he had talked to his Gundam for ages, but Heavyarms had never had the capability to assess and contribute to any of the conversations. The Gundam clucked, a particular sound, that Trowa had only ever heard coming from Catherine. He blinked at this, and listened intently as the soft voice filtered around the cockpit again, "What makes you think that the kindness he gives you, the way he treats you cannot continue if you. . ."

". . .reveal your passion for him, I'm sure . . ." Sandrock paused and thought about the way he was going to phrase this, "I'm sure that Trowa would be able to take it much better than you predict. Even if he did not return you affections . . ." The Gundam paused again before continuing in a gentler tone, "Even if he didn't return your affections, I'm sure Trowa would continue to treat you in the same fashion that he treats you now."

Quatre nodded, "I'm sure he would but . . . at least . . . at least now, I can be a little affectionate to him, and not have him suspect it, rather than if I did tell him, every touch would be restricted . . ."

"True . . ." Sandrock fell silent again except for a soft hum, the gentle thrumming of his engines at work.

"Do you fight often with Deathscythe?"

Nataku didn't answer at first, his machinery humming quietly. Wufei rolled his eyes, "Well?"

"We do not fight . . . we 'bicker' . . . a lot, but we are together as a team. We do not fight." Nataku answer calmly, "It would be dishonourable of us to inflict an injury before battle, that could impair one of our own number." 

Wufei smiled slightly, "That's reassuring." He sat back and closed his eyes, "Do you enjoy being aware of yourself . . .?"

"To be on the same level of awareness, yes . . . but you must be conscious that we did have our own level before hand . . . we could not perhaps capable of independent thought, but we could . . ." The Gundam trailed off, "I'm not sure how to describe it, suffice to say, that the ability to communicate has helped . . ."

The black haired pilot chuckled, "Indeed? Well, that's good . . . do you . . ." he hesitated, "Do you remember Nataku?"

"Yes."

"She was meant for you." Wufei admitted softly, "I wouldn't have been here if she had not died . . . you would have had a stronger pilot."

"I regret her passing. She assisted in my rescue and protection, and I have nothing but pride that she chose to fight for me. However . . . no matter what you choose to think Wufei, I believe you to be a strong pilot, the best for myself and for this team."

Wufei cracked an eye open, and smirked at the undertone of his Gundam's voice, "You're actually really sarcastic at heart, aren't you?"

"Oh come on!" Nataku's voice betraying open sarcasm now, "The last time you felt unworthy you stepped onto a paddling boat with out a paddle and floated off profoundly . . . what else am I supposed to say?!"

"Are you really trying to kill her?"

"Professor, no." Deathscythe chuckled, "It's fun to mess with her head though . . . think she'd let us kick it about for a bit?" 

Duo laughed, "I've got a mean one here, haven't I?" 

"Hey, well . . . I can't help it . . ." Deathscythe's voice twisted to a light, childish tone, "It's cause you made me this way, and it's your fault!"

"Oh really?" 

"Yeah really!"

Duo chuckled, "So what are you thinking about the war?"

"I'm thinkin' I wanna mess with Relena's head sum'more . . ."

"Deathscythe!"

Relena poked her head into the small cockpit. "Heero?"

Silently, Heero came into her line of sight, and starred at her blankly. Relena smiled brightly, "You are here!"

Heero rolled his eyes and returned to his previous position. Relena, undeterred by this, climbed in further. She leant carefully against a wall, and smiled, "So . . . Heero . . . now we are alone . . ." she smiled and held out a bag, "I brought you lunch."

"Hn."

"And I also brought you some new clothes, and some pillows and blankets . . . oh, and remember I would like you to get a haircut before we go to the Ambassador's ball . . ." As Relena talked, and talked and talked, Heero thought about his situation. Wing was now aware of himself. That alone was a new variable, could Wing over ride his—

"No."

"You don't like my idea?" Relena blinked, as if this wasn't possible, "But Heero . . . I think you'd look very nice in rose pink---"

"He didn't say anything, moron." Wing snapped irritably, "I did. . . and I wasn't talking to you . . . and if I was . . ." the Gundam trailed off, "Oh, forget it."

Heero crawled out from under a control panel and blinked, his Gundam was not sounding very . . . happy. "Wing?"

The silence was almost solid as Relena and Heero stared around the small cockpit. The Gundam sighed and then answered, "Heero."

"What's wrong?"

"Hn."

Heero blinked, "Pardon me?"

"*HN*!!!" Wing grunted louder, and then shut down . . . actually shut down. Every panel flicked off, the buttons powered down, and the lights faded away. Wing had shut himself down, without Heero's consent! 

"What a rude. . ." Relena frowned, "Heero, I think you should have a talk with your Gundam!"

Heero in the meantime sat there blinking. Wing was angry? How could his Gundam be so emotional?! He sighed and clenched his fist, adding to his mental tally of the number of times he was going to kick Doctor J for his life, and everything the bastard had done to him. Relena placed a warm hand on his shoulder, and murmured, "Honestly Heero, you'd think that Wing would have taken after you, and not after that coarse Maxwell. . .  I think you should keep Duo and his Gundam away from—"

Heero ignored her, as always Relena had reduced the problem to Duo's fault. If there was one thing he disliked about Relena, was the fact she had taken to blaming Duo for anything and everything that went wrong around them. Since they had started – he sighed – going together, dating or whatever it was she had decided they were doing, Relena had an almost rabid reaction against Duo. She didn't— a blip on the screen in front of him took his thoughts off that topic.

Wing jerked back into life at this point, returning to normal functions instantly. Heero nodded, "Wing, report."

"All systems at optimal efficiency." Wing's voice had now taken on Heero's cool demeanour, and there was no trace of the pervious anger he was expressing. Heero cocked his eyebrow . . . what on earth was wrong with his Gundam?

 ----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: [giggles happily] hello!! [proceeds to hug everyone] hello, how are you today? Are you okay? 

Wing: [whispering] what in the hell is up with her?

Deathscythe: [whispering] don't tell my you forgot it's her birthday today?

Wing: [gulps] erm . . . I'm the perfect soldier's Gundam . . . of-of course not!!

Nataku: [whispering gleefully] you DID forget, didn't you?! [calls out] HEY!! DrM, Wing forgot it's your birthday!!

DrM: [smiles] that's okay . . .

All: Na-nani?!

DrM: [pulls out Legolas and Strider] 'Cause I went to see Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers today!! [huggles] I think I just found a new yaoi couple I like!!

Legolas: [waves cutely] Hi, I'm pretty, I've got long hair, and am very elf like!!

DrM: [beams happily] Just like Duo!!

Strider: Hi . . . I fall off cliffs and survive.

DrM: [points] just like Heero!! It all works for me!!

Gandalf: but what about Erwin, and Strider's betrothal to her, and the readers R&R-ing?

DrM: [blinks] oh, the readers can R&R all they like, in fact I would love it if they would!! Please? Pretty please?

Gandalf: And Strider's commitments?!

DrM: [grabs all her favourite yaoi pairings and skips off] La, la, la!!

Big Giant Eye Dude: I want to blink, I want to look away . . . but this damned contact lens . . . [rolls eye] and people wonder why my eye is so big and red . . .

Gandalf: [raising staff] Readers . . . YOU. . . SHALL. . . REVIEW!! [Strikes staff against the review button]


	7. CyberSpatial, Gundam Special

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Also advance apologies for my author's notes, you have to understand I had just finished watching three hours straight of Cardcaptor Sakura. Disturbingly cute anime is my vice, I can't help it . . . you show me anything by CLAMP, I show you how a REAL anime-addict looks.

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 6: Cyber-spatial, Gundam-Special. 

"My Gundam is antisocial."

The four other pilots stared at him . . . and Heero felt faintly embarrassed by his admission. But it was true, Wing Zero was indeed very antisocial. He didn't talk, he didn't laugh, and he didn't like Relena in the slightest. The Gundam answered in terse, clipped answers, and appeared to dislike the fact that he had to communicate in any fashion. Not even talking about the mission made the Gundam respond with anything but a rather disgruntled 'Hn.' 

Heero didn't know why, but it . . . it irritated him.

"BWHA HA HA HA HA!!!" Trowa threw his head back, and cracked up. Wufei tried valiantly to contain them, but soon succumbed to his sniggers. Quatre smiled indulgently, before chuckling quietly, and Duo . . . Heero glared at the boy as he sank to the floor and rolled about clutching at his sides. Soon, after the four pilots' mirth had subsided . . . and Heero pulled his gun on Duo for repeatedly asking him to say it again . . .

"So?"

The blue-eyed Japanese pilot stared at Duo, as the violet eyes of his partner blinked slowly. Duo shrugged, "So, he's just like you . . . we learnt to put up with you, you can learn to put up with him . . . it's real easy, the thing you gotta remember is to imagine him without any underwear on, and then it becomes as easy as one, two, three . . ." Duo smiled even though Heero was glaring daggers at him.

Quatre hummed and sipped his tea, "I wonder why? He didn't seem anti-social when I spoke to him . . ."

"I already told ya!" Duo punched Quatre softly on the arm, "Each Gundam is like the pilot, right? So . . . Wing is an anti-social git just like our boy Heero!"

Heero frowned, "Okay . . . so he knew he was anti-social, but it was quite another to know that his Gundam was being anti-social only to him . . ."

_Later that night . . ._

"Heero . . . man, I said quit it already . . ."

Duo moaned sleepily from under his quilt, "Look . . . so you and Wing don't get on . . . me and you didn't get on for ages . . . it's just gonna take a while okay?"

Heero paused in his typing to growl, "But Quatre said—"

"Yeah, well no one can resist the Quatre-brand smile . . . it's dazzling whiteness, and that sense of 'You'll break my heart, if you're not nice to me' is fairly damn hard to not to respond to, you'd hav'ta be a rock, or thin air not to melt at the very sight of his wide blue eyes . . ." Duo rolled over, "anyway . . . get some sleep man . . . and quit with the freaking typing . . ."

Heero shook his head, Duo just didn't understand . . . Heero was curious, really curious as to what he would have been like if the war hadn't tainted him. And his Gundam was denying him the chance to see this! He sighed again, and continued his hacking. If it was true that the Gundams were the pilots as they were meant to be, it was a little disheartening to realize that he was doomed to be an anti-social git anyway. Heero frowned and pushed the weak feelings aside, and buried himself in his work.

Only when the hour was pushing toward early morning, and Duo's healthy snores reverberated around the room, did Heero come to the end of his hacking session. He was just about to shut his connection down when a box popped up.

_Hello._

He frowned, and typed, "Who is this?"

_Knock, knock._

Heero glanced over his shoulder at Duo; the braided pilot was fond of these, and spent many an hour reeling off increasingly bad jokes. "Who's there?"

_No one, Septem._

Heero blinked, //What the . . .?//, he shrugged and typed, "No one, Septem who?"

_No one 'Cept 'em Gundams!! HA HA HA!!_

Heero found himself smiling slightly, "Deathscythe?"

_Maaaaaaaaybeeee. Are you heeeeroo?_

"Yes."

_Knock, knock_

Heero pinched the bridge of his nose, "Who's there?"

_Heero._

He smirked, "Heero who?"

_Oh, my professor! You've got amnesia!! HA AHA HA!!_

"Ha, ha, ha." Heero wrote, he sighed and glanced at Duo, before typing, "Why are you talking to me?"

_I'm not. _¬.¬;;__

Heero frowned at the strange use of punctuation marks, "What's that?"

_It's a face . . . ¬¬ ~ eyes. The dot's the mouth, and the ';' is a sweat drop . . . #Pzzzzzpt!#_

"And that was?"

_A raspberry! #pzzzzpt!#_

"You are childish."

_And you are mean. . . do you hear me complaining?_ ¬.¬

Heero snorted, "Let's start again, why are you typing to me, then?"

_I can't?_

"I don't mean you can't, I just wonder why?"

_Because everyone else is asleep. Even Heero._

"Me?" Heero blinked, "But you're typing to me!"

_Not you Human Heero! Gundam Heero . . . Wing!_

"Oh . . ." Heero frowned, "He doesn't like me, does he?"

_Not he doesn't like you._

The cursor blinked, and Heero waited for the Gundam to continue. 

_He doesn't like someone else._

"You can't tell me?"

The cursor blinked, before the Gundam responded. _Knock, knock._

"Who's there?"

_Relena._

"Relena who?"

_Relena Peacecrap._

And with that, the Gundam signed off, leaving Heero staring blankly at the screen. His Gundam had a problem with Relena?!

_Very early . . . the same day . . ._

"Why do you have something against Relena Peacecraft?"

Wing remained silent as Heero repeated the same question for the sixth time, in half an hour. "Answer me, Wing." 

"Hn." The soft snort, the only answer he had been receiving was beginning to get on his nerves.

"Do not 'hn.' me. Answer me! What is your problem with her?"

"Why is this so important to you?" Wing spoke quietly, "It will not affect my performance, not your . . . relationship with her . . ." 

"Is that it?" Heero caught the hesitation easily, "The fact that I have a relationship with her?" 

"Does it matter?"

Heero frowned, "Stop answering with questions. It is unproductive."

"Hn." Heero passed his hand over his eyes and sighed again as Wing hummed quietly. Both Gundam and pilot simply sat in silence, as they waited for the other to break the hush first. . .

"Unproductive morons." 

"What's that, Shini?"

"I said they are being unproductive morons, Sandy . . . look at 'em!" A metallic tut sounded over the cyberspace of the Gundams' private line. "If one wasn't 16.3 metres tall, and weighed 7.1 tons, and the other was approximately five foot three, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between them. Unproductive and stubborn." Deathscythe sighed again, "Wing is being stubborn . . ."

"And Heero is refusing to see the truth . . ." Nataku growled, "There is injustice . . ." 

Heavyarms mentally rolled his eyes, "Please . . . one is as bad as the other . . . they will get nowhere at this rate . . ." 

"Truly." Agreed Sandrock, "Although I must admit our pilots are being just as unproductive and stubborn . . . Quatre fears the same things as Trowa . . ."

"Hmmm . . . why are some humans just so un-accepting of their feelings . . .?" Shinigami wondered aloud, he sighed. "Some humans."

"Perhaps . . . we can but help, advise and nudge them towards their truth." 

There was silence before Shinigami spoke again, "That was unexpectedly gentle, sweet and kind of you, Nataku . . . you feeling okay?"

". . . You try feeling okay when Relena Peacecraft is crawling around your cockpit . . ."

Wufei closed his eyes and growled to himself as Relena rambled on. Nataku was silent, and he had a sneaking suspicion his Gundam had zoned out of the conversation, which Relena seemed to be holding quite by herself.

"--So you see, I was wondering if there was anything that you or possibly ShenLong could do about Heero's poor Gundam, I mean you should have heard it, it practically threatened me, I think you should go have a talk with it, make it all nice and calm like you are –"

Wufei cracked an eye open as he heard a faint derisive snort from his Gundam.

"-- And at least teach it some niceties, as I know you and the rest of the Gundam pilots are capable, except for that Maxwell . . . he's so rude, he must be the rudest person I've ever met . . . I'm so glad he doesn't have any kind of guard duties over me . . . I would go quite insane with his constant chatter, he brings up the most coarsest of subjects to talk about, did he have no upbringing at all?"

Wufei closed his eye again, and winced. How glad was he that Duo was not here to hear that statement! He heard another huff from Nataku.

"You'd think that he'd always been on the street, which I know he was, poor soul . . . that's probably why he's so . . . well, not to speak ill of the less fortunate but . . . he's not exactly as intelligent as we are, he didn't have any of the privileges that comes with money . . ."

"Excuse me, Miss Relena?"

Relena paused in her speech long enough to look up, "Yes, ShenLong?"

There was a pause before Nataku answered, and Wufei could almost imagine the massive Gundam wincing at the use of the wrong name. "Wufei and I must discuss some matters of . . . a sensitive, security issue . . . it would be most prudent of you to leave at this moment . . ." 

"Oh . . ." Relena sighed, "Can't it wait? What I have to say is much more important."

"Um . . . well, you see . . . we were going to talk about . . ." Nataku sighed loudly, "Well, I didn't want to tell you but . . . I'm about to blow up . . . see, and well . . . Wufei's the only one who can deactivate the sequence, and unfortunately it doesn't work when there's someone else there, because then I'll see that as a security breach and . . ." Wufei smirked slightly, as his Gundam trailed off, "Erm . . . yeah, it's like that so . . . the door hissed open, if you could kindly . . ."

"Oh . . ." Relena had paled visibly, "Are you being serious?"

"Ten . . . nine . . ." ShenLong's voice was calm, and cool. "Eight . . ." Relena paled even more, and placed her hand on Wufei's shoulder. She stared at him, worry creasing her features; "One day Wufei . . . we'll live in a world where you don't have to take such risks . . ."

Wufei turned to her, with the straightest face he could muster, and nodded solemnly. "I know."

"Six . . . Five . . . four . . ." As soon as she had exited, Nataku sealed the door up tight. "Phew . . . sorry, but I just couldn't take her anymore . . ."

"That's alright my friend . . ." Wufei chuckled, a quiet barking sound, "But I don't approve of lying . . . if there's one thing I share with Maxwell it is a sense of honesty."

Nataku laughed, the same quiet barking noise as Wufei, "I wasn't lying . . . I am going to blow up . . ." Wufei's eyebrows shot up, before Nataku continued, ". . . this pilot air bag, I just had installed." 

The massive cream coloured airbag exploded from drive panel, and filled the compartment, muffling Wufei's surprised laughter.

_Internal text message: Incoming . . ._

Zero Five: **Caution** . . . have gotten rid of the Peacecraft Onna . . . Possible threat to **sanity** heading to other pilots . . .

Zero Three: Son of a Romafellor! You complete Ozzie! #

Zero Five: She was **talking**, damnit! I hate it when she does that! ¬¬;;

Zero Four: and you think we enjoy it?! O.o;;

Zero Five: I think she might head your way . . . she's on a 'we rich folk, you poor folk' diatribe. 

Zero Two: _Booooring_!!! _ _;

Zero Three: Oh, big Whoop. She had a loving childhood! _#

Zero Four: Oh Allah! Why? WHY?!! WHHHHH--- oh, crap here she is!! 

_Internal Text Message: Zero Four has terminated Connection._

Zero Two: Whoa . . . that always sounds so scary . . .

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: Yo!! [waves happily at Wild] Hello!

Wild: [pushes DrM forward with a shove] Get to it . . . and now get started on the next chapter!

DrM: [watery eyes] Datte . . . I have another Gundam Fic a really long, and serious one, with magic, and the boys, and yaoi and stuff all planned out, and half written . . . and I have a great idea for a Cardcaptor Sakura fic, with my Boy, Hei-ying!!

Hei-ying: [dusts self off] real problem with leaving the dead dead, haven't you? [reads over other Gundam fic] holy . . . whoa . . . long fic alert . . .

DrM: [stamps] CRUEL!! You're so cruel!!

Wing: what have you been watching all day?

DrM: [magic girl-like soft focus shot] Cardcaptor Sakura. . . my 8 DVD box set just arrived . . . [clutches cheeks happily, and blushes cutely] Yukito-san, Touya-san, Yue-san . . . Hayaannn! [high pitched girlish giggle]

Wing: [eye twitch] meaning you'll lay off Gundam Wing for a while?

DrM: [shakes head, still in girlish mode] just means I'm going to lean toward Trowa and Quatre fics more . . . and that duo's hair is gonna get a lot more attention . . . Hayaannn!!

Yue: [back from his break, drops suitcase] Dear Sweet Mother of Clow Tap-dancing Reed On a Pogo Stick . . . [looks around] what in the hell . . . [spots DrM] YOU CHEATING LITTLE HUSSY!! YOU TOLD ME IF YOU EVER LEFT CCS YOU'D STOP WRITING COMPLETELY!!

DrM: [wincing] well . . . that's just the thing . . . because I did stop writing for a really long time, but now I have the entire series of Cardcaptor Sakura at my finger tips . . . erm well . . . yeah, let's just say I'm rekindling the flame . . . [flashes 'victory' sign] DrM is a TWO-timing, cheating little hussy . . . [grabs fave ccs characters] Hayaannn!! [grabs favourite Gundam characters] HAYAAAANNNNNNNN!!!

Doctor Icchan from Angelic Layer: [pops out of nowhere] Readers . . . you will review or . . . [whips out octopus from pocket] face punishment of a live octopus down you pants!!


	8. And DAMN! You are SO Ugly!

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm, warnings . . . let's see . . . some potty mouth, naughty thoughts, more potty mouth, and erm . . . oh, yeah, love, love, love between boys, boys, boys!! I am not forcing you to sit there and read, but that doesn't mean you can't try it . . . it's like eating ready salted Pringles with Nutella chocklate spread, ya just don't know how much you'll love it, unless you try!! Also, thanks go out to www.dumbbumpers.com for some of the insults here . . . what can I say . . . I love that site!

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?!**

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

[DrM shuffles some papers, and raises hand to adjust glasses]

DrM: [smiles happily] Hello! Betcha wonderin' what the hell I'm doing, eh? Well . . . aside from the fact I'm going back to Uni, in about two days, I thought I'd better update before I go and say 'thank you' for all the reviews! Wow!! *80* last count!! I'm so happy, anyway, aside from that . . . there appears to be some confusion with the Wing-Heero-Duo-Relena thing . . . in the first chapter, a Duo apparently told a Heero that he was Heero's Baka alone . . . while this is certainly true . . . it doesn't necessarily mean that Duo MAXWELL to Heero YUY this . . . [wink] I don't want to give too much away, but the conversation that first took place in the prologue was between the GUNDAMS . . . NOT the pilots . . . 

Wing: [rolls eyes] you're crap at this . . . basically she means, that Heero and Duo aren't dating but their Gundams are . . . okay? [shakes head, and glares at DrM] what makes sense to you NEVER makes sense to anyone else!! [hits DrM] try to remember that!

DrM: [rubbing head] itai . . . [sighs] You're so mean Wing . . . anyway . . . [points below] ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!

**Chapter 7: . . . And *DAMN*!! You are SO ugly!!**

Steel capped boots landed heavily onto the deck. 

Sunlight glinted off the rickety looking ship, the five scientists got out, and stretched. Doctor J turned and grinned irritatingly at Howard as the Hawaiian shirted man came up to them. "Well . . . Howard, you look like shite . . . is that the style now?"

Howard glared. He scowled, and growled. "Welcome aboard . . . *J* . . ."

Doctor J sneered. He smirked, and made faces. "Well, thank you . . . *Howard*. . ."

Professor G rolled his eyes and stepped between the two. "If you're quite finished."

"It'll never be finished . . ." Howard hissed at J, "Not until he admits I'm right . . ."

Doctor J snorted, "I'll admit I was wrong, when you pay up."

"Never! Not until you admit I was right!" Howard shook a fist at J.

J shook his clamp-hand-thing at Howard, "Ha! I can wait . . . question is how long until you break, old man?!"

"Old man?!" Howard blustered, "Looked in a mirror recently, J?!"

"Are you calling me ugly?!"

"Let's just say that if my dog was had a face as ugly as yours . . ." Howard folded his arms and spat, "I would shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards . . ."

Duo snickered quietly as they watched the two old men bicker, the pilots, Relena, Howard, and Pargen were gathered on deck. The Gundams were stowed below, with only Deathscythe ignoring the order to stay out of sight. With a pilot who was an expert in stealth, and with all the latest technology that allowed him to stay hidden from OZ radar, the black and gold Gundam wasn't exactly hiding very well, the tips of his head, and gold spikes were poking out of the hanger door as the Gundam eavesdropped on the conversation.

The last few days had been a little rough, as the Scientists had apparently had an even 'better' idea, and wanted to implement it as soon as possible on the Gundams. The Gundams weren't sure they wanted to change things, but were willing to submit. Relena was still petitioning for a politer Wing, but every time she set foot inside of the Gundams to talk to the pilots, something nearby would go wrong . . . she'd gone to Quatre's Sandrock, and the poor Gundam had had an overload in his system and was accidentally zapping people with electricity. Trowa's Heavyarms was locked up; it's door systems having jammed completely. She hadn't bothered with Duo's Gundam since he was the source of the problem. 

"Oooh . . ." Doctor J narrowed his eyes, and smirked, "You know . . . I used to wonder why people like you were in existence . . . and then I realised, it was so people like me could get a good laugh!"

Relena sighed, she had to keep Heero away from Duo . . . Put quite simply, Heero was too naïve, too pure, too unknowing of the way of the world to risk having Duo, with all his street wise-ness, influence him. He definitely needed Relena to help him, and become not only the perfect solider, but the perfect gentleman . . . she smiled to herself, and one day, the perfect husband.

"You know, J . . . when people are saying you've got great brains . . ." Howard flicked his dying cigar away and lit another, "They are actually just thinking, *DAMN*!! You are *SO* ugly!! . . ."

Heero in the meantime, while noting that J was being uncommonly emotional about Howard's behaviour, thought about his Gundam. Wing still wouldn't tell him what was up, but Deathscythe was dropping little hints. It was his relationship with Relena that set him at odds with his Gundam; Deathscythe had suggested that perhaps Wing would be more comfortable if Heero had taken a different lover. When Heero . . . in his typically cold and tactless way . . . had repeated this to Wing, Wing had retorted rather angrily . . .

_"You've made your bed. Now sleep in it!"_

_Heero blinked at the old phrase, "Why are you being so difficult?"_

_"I am not. I just dislike the fact you seem preoccupied with this topic . . . it is not good practice for a pilot to be concentrated on a single non-essential . . ."_

_"A good soldier should be able to have good relations with his teammates, now you are---"_

_"Don't talk to me about good relations, the way you treat Duo—" Wing bit off the comment, "You have Relena. I do not approve of this, but I have no control over you . . . leave this alone now."_

Heero sighed, Relena and Duo were the main points of the problem. Wing didn't approve of one, and the other he seemed unwillingly protective of. Heero sighed again, as he watched the Scientists and Howard argue.

"Urgh!!" Doctor J threw up his hands, "Looking at you . . . I know why some people are blind . . . Spare them the horror Howard, go top yourself!"

"Oh, go do what you do what you did as a child!" Howard held up a hand dismissively, "Fly a kite, go fishing . . . hunt a dinosaur!!"

"WHY YOU!!!" J lunged forward, just as Master O stepped in and grabbed the old man.

"--Are so right! Come on J, I know you can say it!!" Howard flicked J the finger, before storming off. "Howard was right, and I am a stupid arsehole! Come on. . . be a good little scientist and say it. . ."

J struggled again Master O, "Never!! Urg!" He made a face, and yelled after the man, "How many times do I need to flush before you go away?!"

Howard stopped before the door to the command tower, and glared back, "If you say one more word J . . . just one more . . . I'm gonna get my umbrella, stick it in your pants AND OPEN IT!!" 

J growled as the door opened and shut swiftly leaving Howard with the last word, Duo cracked and fell to one knee laughing helplessly, Relena had gone pale, Trowa threw his head back and laughed, Wufei's eyes cross as he tried HARD not to imagine it, Quatre lifted a hand politely and covered his small chuckle, Pargan lifted amused eyebrows, the four remaining Scientists sighed and worked on calming J down again . . . and deep within the bowels of the ship, five Gundams laughed their heads off!

_Later . . . When everyone was nice and happy again . . ._

Doctor J glared at Howard across the briefing table. "Anyway . . . we've got an even better idea for the Gundams . . . we're going to upgrade them again." 

Trowa sighed, and folded his arms, muttering so only the pilots could hear, "So what? Now it will be Ultra Heavyarms Custom Kai Super-Duper Remix Pure?"

The scientists ignored him, and continued, O leant forward, "We've attained some newer, and better techniques and we want to test them out on the Gundams as soon as possible."

"Will it hurt?" Duo asked quietly, he blushed slightly, but as hard and mean as he tried to pretend he was, he didn't like the idea of his buddy getting hurt. G smiled slightly, "No . . . they aren't programmed to feel pain . . . although . . ." The mushroom headed man trailed off and stroked his moustache thoughtfully, "Hmmmm. . ."

The silence was so heavy; Wufei imagined he could hear a fly repeated hitting the window.

"I thought you said they could talk . . ." Doktor S frowned, "I know they could communicate with text . . . but you said they could talk . . ."

"They can . . . it's just . . ." Quatre trailed off, he could feel apprehension from the Gundams, "They feel a little threatened. . ."

Relena walked forward, and held open her arms, "You have nothing to fear . . ." she called up in that 'I'm sweet, kind and gentle, I'm Relena Peacecraft' manner of hers. They Gundams shifted slightly, Heavyarms' gun arm swung slightly, ShenLong shifted from one foot to the other, and Wing looked away. "Please . . ." she motioned to the scientists, "Let them help you . . ."

"These units are Gundam. Gundam require no assistance other than that of other Gundam." Wing was cold, emotionless, and clipped in his reply. "These units are Gundam!"

"They are only going to correct the mistake . . ." 

The five Gundams moved their heads, and stared at her for a moment, before the four other Gundams looked up at Wing. The massive Gundam turned and motioned the others together. Wing glanced at Relena quickly, and tipped his head, "We will consider your statement."

"Incredible . . ." Instructor H breathed, "They can move by themselves . . ."

The Five Gundams conversed quickly, leaving the small band of people completely in the dark about what they were talking about. 

_Half an hour later . . ._

Relena pinched the bridge of her nose, //This is worse that trying to negotiate with Romefellor . . .// She looked up, the five Gundams were still hunched into their little conference. She turned to look around, their five scientists, and Howard were sat on the deck looking over some of the blueprints they had brought to implement, the five pilots were leaning or sitting on various pieces of machinery, just staring up at their Gundams, and Pargen was standing just behind her with a tray of drinks, "Thank you Pargan . . ." Relena murmured as she picked up a glass of orange juice. 

"Isn't there any way we could listen in on their conversation?" Trowa muttered, as he watched his Gundam gesture rather violently, "It looks like they are having an argument . . ."

Doctor J got to his feet and padded over to a computer station, "Of course . . ." he growled as if Trowa had insulted him, "Of course there is!!" He tapped a few controls and the Gundams voices started to filter through the speakers.

"And then . . ." Heavyarms chuckled, "The Duck goes, my name is Puddles, keep your feckin' hands to yourself!!"

"BWHA HA HA HA!!" Deathscythe chortled, "Puddles!! Oh! I get it!! That's gross T-man, where'd you get it?!"

"Hang on . . . I don't get it . . ." Sandrock admitted, "What does it mean?"

Nataku snorted, "It's better you don't . . ." he started to chuckle, and whined patronisingly, "Wouldn't want to corrupt poor widdle Quatre's mind now, would we?"

"No, no, that's not what I meant. . . I meant. . ." Sandrock murmured in deep concentration, "For the ducks to actually achieve that position, wouldn't one of them have to be upside-down?"

There was a moment of silence, before Nataku murmured, "You're thinking about these things too much, Winner . . ."

Deathscythe snorted, "I knew Quatre was more of a perverted sex kitten than he pretended!!" 

Heavyarms chuckled, and cried, "WOOHOO!! Oh, yeah baby, briiiiing it on!!"

"Anyway . . ." Wing chuckled, "who's got the Sevens?"

"How many times I gotta tell ya, Heee-man?" Deathscythe demanded, "We're playing a Gundam's game, Poker! He snorted, try Wuffers . . . he's always got the Sevens . . ."

"No, I haven't!" Nataku denied hotly, "And STOP CALLING ME WUFFERS!!!"

"Wu-kins?"

"No!"

"Wu-doop-di-doo?"

"No!!"

"Wu-man?" Deathscythe sang in a sing-song voice, as Nataku got more and more irritated. The other three could be heard in the background chuckling with various amounts of humour, as ShenLong roared, "NO!"

"Wu-doo?"

"NO!!"

"Wu-wu?" Deathscythe chortled, "I'm trying To Woo you, Wu-wu!!"

"*NO*!!"

"Wufei?"

"NOOOOO!!" Nataku roared angrily, then chocked with surprise, "W-wait . . ." He growled as Deathscythe laughed loudly, "DAMNIT MAXWELL!!!"

Relena gasped, "Th-they aren't even talking about it?!" She growled and stormed over to the microphone, "Gundams!!"

"Erp . . ." Wing deadpanned, evidently the Gundams weren't aware they were being listened to, "Her Royal highness is howling. . ."

The others chuckled quietly, as Deathscythe inquired, "Should we answer yet?"

"Nah . . ." Sandrock sighed, "I'm too comfortable as I am . . . let's leave her to simmer for a while . . ."

Deathscythe chuckled again, "You're only saying that 'cause you got Heavyarms snuggling up to ya!"

"In the words of my faithful pilot, upon visiting Trowa once at the circus . . ." Sandrock snorted, "The world needs less war, and more shirtless Trowa!!"

The five chuckled again, as Heavyarms protested, "What about me?!"

There was another happy sigh from Sandrock, "And definitely more outer-casing-less Heavyarms . . ." 

Down below, Quatre put a hand over his eyes and blushed heavily, while Trowa dipped his head, the lump of hair falling over and perfectly concealing the blush on his face. Relena frowned deeply, "We would like an answer, Gundams!!"

"We would like an answer, Gundams!!" Nataku mimicked, "Sheesh . . . for Queen of the World she sure demands a lot . . . Save me, Gundams! Save the World, Gundams!! Help my brother, Gundams!! Stop my brother, Gundams!!" 

"Heeeeeeeerooooooooooooo!!!" Chimed Sandrock, Heavyarms, Nataku and Deathscythe, "COMMMMMMMEEEEE AND KILLLLL MEEEEE!!!!!"

As Nataku, Heavyarms and Sandrock burst into laughter, Deathscythe muttered to Wing, "Oh . . . lighten up, Heero . . . it was a joke!"

Wing sighed, "Yeah, I know . . . but it's not funny all the time . . ." he sighed again, and lowered his voice as the others chattered animatedly, "Duo?"

"Hm?" Deathscythe hummed back, "What-o?"

"Did you tell Heero about . . .?" The Gundam trailed off, and paused.

"About what-o?"

"Why I don't like Relena?"

"No." Deathscythe's voice lost it's charming sing-song lilt, "I might be many things, but I never lie . . . I gave you my word."

Silence descended on the humans below as Wing sighed once more, and spoke a reply so warmly it was almost impossible to imagine his voice was Heero's, Relena made a small choking noise, Heero's deep blue eyes widened, Duo's mouth fell open. Quatre's blush receded, his embarrassment forgotten; Trowa glanced at Quatre, before looking up at Wing with shock. Wufei blinked rapidly with surprise, the five scientists clucked and tutted, and Howard nodded, thinking, //And the plot thickens . . .// he glanced at Doctor J, //and DAMN!! You are SO ugly!!//

Wing's soft reply echoed off the walls.

". . . and that's why I love you, Duo . . ."

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: [happy sigh] Awwwww. . . And they called it Gundam Luuuuurvvveeee!!

Wing: [trigger twitch] All that film studies course work went to you head today, didn't it?

DrM: [deadly serious] You try studying Gosford Park, The English Patient AND Pretty Woman without some sorta mushy after effect . . . that and . . . [growls and holds up fist] I HATE GOSFORD PARK. . . [growls and mumbles darkly] bloody Kristen Scott Thomas . . . she's in everything . . . I watch a advert on tv, and there she is . . . she in Gosford BLOODY Park AND the English BLOODY Patient . . . and I hate both of those films . . . [breaths heavily] ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Wing: [takes a few steps back] you're not going into Zero mode, are you?

DrM: [strangely calm] of course not, Trowa? What would I do that, Trowa?

Wing: well for starters, you're calling me 'Trowa' when I'm blatantly not. . .

DrM: [getting agitated] I don't care what you say, Trowa . . . just stay away from me, Trowa . . . I'm gonna destroy everything in this crazy universe . . . Tro-*WA* . . . so you better tell the others to stay away from me, Trowa . . . or I'll kill them too . . . Trowa.

Wing: [backs away slowly] uh. . . oh . . . [glances at readers nervously] Uh, now would a good time to review and run for the freakin' hills!!! She's gonna pull a Quatre!!!

Trowa: [runs in with hot chocolate fondue] I bring the Holy Hot Chocolate Fun-due . . . to appease the mighty author . . . DrM, I bring Holy Hot Chocolate Fun-due WITH the Sacred Sugared Strawberries . . . and I'm sure the readers are reviewing as we speak.

DrM: [growls loudly, and raises twin buster rifle at video copy of Gosford Park, and DVD copy of The English Patient] WHAT DID I JUST SAY?! I SAID STAY AWAY FROM MEEEEEE!!! {Blows hated films to smithereens . . . then instantly calms down and sits down with Trowa and chocolate fun-due] Mmmmm . . . melted chocolate and strawberries, and readers reviewing . . . DrM's favourite pacifiers . . . 


	9. One of Those Gundam Nights

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm, warnings . . . let's see . . . some potty mouth, naughty thoughts, more potty mouth, and erm . . . oh, yeah, love, love, love between boys, boys, boys!! Got a problem with that? That doesn't mean you can't try it . . . it's like eating ready salted Pringles with Nutella chocklate spread, ya just don't know how much you'll love it, unless you try!! 

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?!**

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 8: One of those Gundam Nights!

Duo lay wide-awake in his bunk. 

After the revelation, Relena had stormed out, and the scientists had decided to start on their renovations anyway. No one had told the Gundams that they had been heard, it was a sort of silent agreement that the Gundams shouldn't know. He rolled on to his side blowing a lock of his loose hair away from his face. So . . . Deathscythe and Wing were in love with each other. 

He smiled at this.

That was so sweet, but evidently dangerous. Relena was really mad, and Heero hadn't come back from trying to calm her down. He sighed, and rolled over again, tonight was going to be one of those nights. He rolled over, tense and nervous. He hoped the Gundams wouldn't make any more revelations . . . it was bad enough the Professor G knew, bad enough that he suspected that Quatre suspected it. Even worse that Deathscythe would know all about it . . . Duo took comfort in the fact his Gundam was a Gundam of his word. The longhaired boy rolled again, and stared at Heero's empty bunk, he just hoped his own secret would never be revealed like this . . .

Quatre sat in his bunk, also wide-awake. 

He had changed, and was hugging his knees, his chin resting thoughtfully on the cotton-clad joints. He was so humiliated, Sandrock shared his affection for Trowa through his love for Heavyarms, and now it was revealed that he felt something for his fellow pilot. He swallowed and looked at the empty bunk beside him, which was probably why Trowa hadn't come back yet. He squeezed his eyes shut and rested his forehead on his knees, and considered his bellybutton. It was true that Trowa had a very nice chest, and that indeed after Quatre had visited him, he had crowed to Sandrock those very words. He sighed, and now he'd have nothing but his memories and his pictures left of Trowa. 

The door creaked open quietly, and there was a shushed rustle of clothing as his partner entered the room. Quatre swallowed and looked up, "Hello Trowa."

Trowa blinked, and smiled slightly, "Hello Quatre . . ." He tilted his head, "Are you too warm? You look flushed . . ."

"Funny, Trowa . . ." Quatre smirked, hurt that Trowa was going to take the mickey out of him now. He straightened his legs and rolled over, "Goodnight . . ."

There was a rustle of clothing again, and Quatre felt the end of his bed dip. He glanced over his shoulder, Trowa was sat, his loose green pyjamas virtually hanging of his thin frame, the deep green shirt hanging open. The long limbed boy pulled up a knee and rested his chin on it, staring in the direction of his own bunk. What little light provided, cast Trowa's profile in a handsome light, and Quatre found himself flushing again. So caught up in his own embarrassment, Quatre almost didn't here Trowa's quiet question.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Quatre blinked, clamed himself and sat up. Trowa blinked, and smiled . . . yes, smiled slightly.

"You think I'm an object of desire?" Trowa questioned quietly, and shyly.

Quatre clasped his hands and stared at them, "Yes." He glanced up at Trowa, as the other boy thought, "But I don't want things to change between us!" 

"I know . . ." Trowa murmured, he snickered, "I just never thought that I was in any way handsome before . . ."

"Trowa!" Quatre protested, he smiled as he felt Trowa's true emotions welling up; "Trowa, you know that isn't . . ." He trailed off as Trowa climbed on to his bed further. The one visible jade green eye sparkled with something deeper than the friendship Quatre was so used to seeing. He swallowed as he felt the bed dip again, his aqua eyes widened as Trowa crawled closer.

The clown's whisper almost a shout in the silent room, making Quatre smile in the knowledge it was going to be one of *those* nights.

"Want you too."

"Four of the Gundams are . . ." Relena's face screwed up, "Well, they aren't normal!!"

Heero sighed and continued to type, that was the basis of Relena's argument, they weren't normal. He frowned so what would be normal for five massive robots who had just discovered sentience. He knew it was logically; the Gundams really didn't have any choice in the matter. It was obvious Nataku was the only one that preferred to not be involved with anyone because Wufei had shown such inclinations. Heavyarms and Sandrock weren't restricted by the same fear that had held Trowa and Quatre away from each other, fear of social rejection. He had to admit he was stretching the logic slightly when it came to his own Gundam and Duo's, With Duo's near infectious love of being around people and his confident manner, it was hard to see why he would choose to be involve with his anti-social Gundam. He frowned as he remembered the warm tone his Gundam had spoken in. evidently he was the only one that Wing was anti-social too. Why would they choose to pursue a relationship when Heero's personality was so cold, and Duo's personality was so warm . . .

//And fun loving// some small rebellious part of his mind crowed, it sounded suspiciously like Wing.

He frowned, Wing would be interested in forming a relationship because Heero himself was. He wanted to be part of a normal, loving relation. One that was stable, and didn't involve vast amounts of the war. Which was why he had chosen Relena, Relena was stable . . . in some respects, and she represented Peace. She was the logically choice . . .

//even if she wasn't the most attractive// 

He glared harder at the laptop screen. He'd never questioned his sexuality; it was a thing he assumed he'd deal with after the war. Now he was being presented with another version of himself, one that was happy, gay, and completely in love with his partner.

"Heero!" Relena waved her hand in front of his face, "Heero, are you listening to me?!"

"Yes, Relena." Heero trotted out, even though he really wasn't. He continued to focus on the problem at hand. Put simply . . . in Heero friendly terms . . . 

Heero 1 [– Heero Yuy] was with Relena.

Heero 2 [– Wing Gundam] was with Duo 2 [– Deathscythe Gundam]

Heero 1 and 2 must work together.

Heero 1 and Duo 1 [– Duo Maxwell] must also work together.

Relena has dislike of Duo 1, and by extension of personality, Duo 2.

Because of this, Heero 2 has dislike of Relena.

Heero sighed mentally; Deathscythe and Duo had no problem with Relena, why should she have a problem with duo? He rolled his eyes, and wished that the Zero system were programmed to give him the various options for personal dilemmas. He glanced at Relena and mentally sighed again, //It's going to be one of those nights// He really wasn't trained for situations like this . . .

_Meanwhile . . ._

Wufei was fast asleep in his bunk. 

He was curled up, warm and cosy in his blanket. His straight black hair was loose, and spread out on the white pillow like a wing. His normally fierce features were held in the sweetest, calmest expression kept only for those without a trouble in the world. Deep with in his sleep, he dreamt of books, and flowers fields, of Nataku, both his dead wife, and Gundam. His tanned skin was smooth, not a single muscle was tense in his bare shoulder. 

He smiled softly, almost smirking gently.

"Justice . . ." he murmured as he rolled over, "There is justice . . ."

After all . . . his Gundam didn't spill any secrets . . .

_The next day . . .___

Over seventy engineers, crewmates, and general staff gathered at the hold's edges staring down into the darkness. Everyone was eager to see the new improvements. Relena was holding on to Heero with a vice grip, Duo smiled nervously and stepped away from her, seeking protection from Howard, who smoked hard on a cigar, glaring at the hanger opening. Trowa and Quatre stood side by side, glancing at each other and brushing fingers occasionally when they thought no one was looking. Wufei glared angrily down at the dark hold, and folded his arms. The scientists were late. 

"Someone turn on the lights!" Shouted Howard. Someone, meaning Marvin, climbed down to the gangway and threw on the massive nightlights. A loud gasp came from the crew, Marvin blinked and looked up as he pointed, "Gone . . ." he murmured in a shocked voice. He looked around, and saw a small note that was pinned to the wall. 

Well, that is, if you could call a large banner with eight inch high lettering, and smelling faintly of brandy and vodka, a small note.

"What does it say?" Shouted Quatre, swallowing his shock. 

"It says . . ." Marvin yelled back, "Have taken Gundams for further testing . . . Will send coordinates when bored . . . Play nice, love You know Who."

"God Damnit!!" Duo growled and threw his cap on the floor, "They did it again!!"

"I say again . . ." Wufei stood at the edge of the hanger, and glared down into the hold. "HOW IN THE HELL YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS _WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU . . ._ **_AGAIN_**?!"

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: [throws confetti in the air] CONCRATS GO OUT TO LITTLEECHO FOR BEING THE 100TH REVIEWER!! [grin] Hello!! It's only a short chapter, but . . . but . . . 

Wing: Well? 

DrM: I was moving back to Uni, and a different story has got my muse by the bal—

Wing: [aghast] DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!

DrM: [shifty eyes] Well, it has . . . It's HUGE!! It's like birthing an elephant, and it can't come out fast enough!!

Wing: [nauseated] That's a gross analogy, or simile, or whatever . . . [sighs] Do you wish to plug it?

DrM: [wide grin]

Wing: [sigh] Go on then . . .

DrM: [excited] Okay, it's called 'For The Grace Of Knights and Angels', and everyone on the 'Gundammit!!' mailing list already know about it . . . for all of those who aren't and just happened to stumble in here . . .

Wing: [derisive snort]

DrM: [speaking quickly] . . . Well, it's about the G-boys, it's the semi-serious fic I've mentioned before, and it's got a little bit of humour, a little bit of romance—

Wing: [takes out microscope] Where?!

DrM: Well, I'm building up to it . . . [Shrugs] Anyway, that's not the main focus, it's got mystery—

Wing: [laughs out right]

DrM: And a whole bunch of other stuff and I would love it if people would review, 'cause that would make me feel happy . . . even though I'll post the lot of it anyway . . . [frowns, and glares at Wing] Why are you the only one in my A/N's lately?

Wing: [raises eyebrow] Everyone else is on a mission . . . You know, we don't actually have time to sit around in your little world.

DrM: [holds up Endless Waltz DVD] Nuh-uh! Without the world of fanfiction, you would be soooooo dead already!!

Wing: [eyebrow twitches] Damn. [shifty eyes] Uh, don't you need to uh . . . get people to review?

DrM: [smiles happily] Oh Yeah! Anyways, it would be sorta great if you could review please!! Also, please have a read of my new Gundam fic . . . it's got canon references in it!!

Wing: [shocked] You're actually trying to obey cannon?! Dear merciful Doctor J!!

DrM: [walks off muttering] I can too do cannon . . . at least I try too . . . I can't help it if the producers don't follow my idea of a good story . . . 


	10. And Then?

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm, warnings . . . let's see . . . some potty mouth, naughty thoughts, more potty mouth, and erm . . . oh, yeah, love, love, love between boys, boys, boys!! Got a problem with that? Then go read something else, I am not forcing you to sit there and read, but that doesn't mean you can't try it . . . it's like eating ready salted Pringles with Nutella chocklate spread, ya just don't know how much you'll love it, unless you try!! 

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! **Both the Eypon nd Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regually . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 9: And then . . .?

_Late . . . really late . . ._

"Shhhhh . . .SHHHHHHHHHH!!!" 

As a spray of spittle flew from his lips, J pressed his claw against his nose . . . then tried again, drunkenly missing his mouth. He gave up and motioned to the waltzing H and S, "Will you cut that out?! They'll heeeear us!" He shook his head and walked over to G to take another swig of some nameless alcohol. "Allllllll-keeeeeeeyyyyyy-hoooooooolllll!!" He sang happily, cuddling the bottle hard, "Hooooow doooooo I looooooooovvvve thheeeeeee!!" He pressed the clear bottle against his nose, "Let me count the ways . . . one percent, two percent. . . three. . . four percent, five percent. . ." 

G snorted, and pulled the bottle out of his claw, and stashed it in his front pocket, mumbling to the clear bottle of precious amber liquid, "Don't worry . . . I love you more!" He made some more adjustments to Deathscythe, "And I love you too Deathscythe . . . don't you worry." He grinned lopsidedly, "I love, love, love, love, love, love, love yoooooou!"

"What!?" J protested, and folded his arms, "you love him more than meeee?!" J began to cry, and spoke to Wing; "The meanie loves your boyfriend more than me! MEEE! MEEEEEEEEEE!! His best friend in the world!"

The Gundams stood there impassively, having been switched off. Once again, the scientists had used Tiptoe mode to smuggle the Gundams off Howard's ship because Howard . . . and as Doctor J said . . . "The big, fat, ugly meanie was mean and fat and big and mostly ugly." 

So there.

Anyway, had the Gundams been aware that they were in mortal danger, they would have stopped their mad, and drunk creators from making another terrible mistake and probably would have stomped on the irritating and not to mention completely sloshed scientists . . . unfortunately for them, and for the Gundam pilots, and for the readers . . . they weren't, so they couldn't stop their mad, and drunk creators from making another terrible mistake and they probably couldn't have stomped on the irritating and not to mention completely sloshed scientists . . . 

So there.

Master O clung to the mounting cable as it descended, coughing madly. He touched the ground and patted his chest, "Yuck . . ." he called out, "I think I might have swallowed a fly . . ."

"Then you have to . . ." Doktor S swung Instructor H around once more, before the man could continue, he giggled, "Oh Schmidt . . . you're such a romantic . . ." Doktor S grinned as H continued to call back to O, "You have to swallow a spider!"

"What?!" Master O tried to walk in a straight line to the same consol as J and G, "What do you mean I have to swallow a spider!"

"The goddamn song says you have to swallow a goddamn spider!" H suddenly yelled back, "Now go find a goddamned spider and swallow it!" As master O wondered of dejectedly looking for a spider, H called after him again, "And then find a bird . . . you have to find a bird after the spider . . . or it will wiggle inside ya!"

J shook his head, "They're crazy . . . spiders and birds . . . Everyone knows the best way to get rid of a fly is to send Heero after it." 

G nodded, and pulled out the floppy disk, "Okay, they are all ready for the new software." He looked up at the unmarked but colour coordinated disks. One was white, another was black, one was green, and the one below it was yellow, the last one was red. It didn't take an IQ larger than one of Relena's groupies . . . wait . . . That might be pushing it a bit . . . it didn't take an IQ larger than a cabbage to figure out which disk was destined for which Gundam.

Unfortunately, the Scientists had drunk themselves into a bit of a stupor . . . lowering their IQ below that of a cabbage, and just placing themselves in the same league as one of Relena's groupies . . . let's just say it would a fairly tough call between the two at a Spelling Bee.*

G stretched over, his hands getting closer to the disks, which were perched, rather stupidly, out of his reach. He grumbled and clambered on to a stool. "Do you want me to get those?" J asked, despite the fact he was teetering on the ground, barely able to balance himself. 

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" G groused, "I'm not short!"

"I didn't say you were short in the first place . . ." J shot back, wishing the room would hold still for a moment so he could get off, "I just said you weren't exactly of the same statue of . . ." he waved his claw, trying to think, "Of . . . say a pygmy, or a hobbit or a garden gnome . . ."

"WHY YOU---!!!" G tried to whirl round and confront the taller scientist, but alas, he forgot he was standing on a stool. Therefore, while he went crashing down, so did the disks.

G rubbed his head, "I am NOT short! I'm just small boned!" He glared at J and reached over to the disks, "Now which disk goes in what Gundam?"

J shrugged, "I dunno . . ." he looked around, it was exceedingly dark. He looked down as G gasped loudly, "What?"

"I broke our booze!"

"NOOOOOOO!!" J cried out, "Damned OZ, it's their fault, it's alllllll their damned fault!" He growled, and picked up one of the disks, squinting first at it, and then up at Wing . . . well he thought it was Wing, but then it was getting very dark. Doctor J smiled evilly, "I just thought of a wonderful new idea . . ."

The other scientists smirked, and gathered around. J continued to look up, speaking evilly.

"OZ are going to regret that they are such evil people, and therefore making us have to build Gundam, and send five brave boys to earth, and then improving their own defences therefore making use have to constantly improve the Gundams, and therefore making us be here tonight, and subsequently breaking our last bottle of booze. . ." he began to chuckle, "Yes indeed, OZ will rue the day that general came down to our office and broke our last bottle of booze . . ." 

_The Next Morning . . ._

Treize blinked as he came into awareness, "Ah. . ." he rolled over, and stretched, the sunlight was so warm!! He could hear birds tweeting, the laughter of his servants as they prepared his morning bath, and . . . he closed one eye and concentrated, he could hear Lady Une giving her morning dress-down of a lazy butler who had failed to put the right roses on his excellency's desk. 

He smiled, "Such a beautiful day . . ."

Getting up, he pulled a fluffy white robe around his torso, and padded bare foot over to the balcony to get a lungful of the nice fresh morning ----

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

"And then it got dark . . ." Doctor J joked from the recording.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

"And then we got bored . . ." Professor G grinned from the recording.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

"And then we decided to start drinking . . ." Doktor S smiled from the recording.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

"And then we'd liven things up . . ." Instructor H huffed happily from the recording.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

"And then . . .Ooooh . . . How to put it?" Master O oooh-ed ominously from the recording. He shrugged, "And then we forgot where we put the Gundams."

_Thump. Thump. Thump. _

"Duo . . ." Heero murmured absently, "Hitting your head against the wall will not assist the situation . . ."

"Makes –THUMP- me –THUMP- feel –Thump- better . . ." Duo groaned, "Why? Why? Why?!"

"Because, because, because . . ." crowed the recorded version of Professor G, "We were a little drunk . . ." he grinned, "Anyway, this is your mission . . . find the Gundams . . ."

J shrugged, "Also . . . erm, the changes we made didn't *actually* work out that very well so, uh . . . and erm . . . yeah, well . . ." 

"You're a prat, and you made another mistake, isn't that right J?" Howard growled, even though it was a recording.

The recorded version of J flipped the finger, and growled, "What is he doing here?! He isn't part of my team!!"

"Since when did this become YOUR team?!" G yelled angrily. As J and G started to argue again, instructor H leant over and explained quickly, "Yeah, well . . . when you find the Gundams again, they might be a little. . . different . . ."

And with that . . . 

J leant forward again, "Howard . . . I realise everyone is entitled to be stupid once in their lives but you, my man . . ." he smirked as he reached forward, "You are abusing that privilege . . ." 

. . . the screen went blank.

"Well . . . what are they doing?!"

Lt. Saratone blinked and stared at his monitor before turning to report to his commander, "Erm . . . they're just . . . uh, standing there, sir . . ."

"Standing there?" Zechs folded his arms and shook his head, "Are you sure they haven't made any movement since they appeared?"

"Erm . . . if it helps, sir . . . we erm . . . checked . . . and all of them have dew all over them . . ."

"Dew?"

"Yes, sir. Dew."

Zechs blinked slowly and turned to face the officer fully, "Dew."

"Yes, sir. Dew, sir." 

"Riiiiiiight. . ." Zechs turned away slowly, and squinted out the window. The five massive Gundams were parked right in the middle of the New Barley base airstrip. His Excellency, Treize-sama had almost had a heart attack, as he was the first one to really notice this fact. Zechs squinted, exactly *how* five massive Gundams had gone unnoticed through out the night was still a mystery. He sighed, "And the pilots haven't issued any demands?"

"Erm. . ." Saratone shrugged slightly, "No."

Zechs' pale lips pursed, as he nodded again, "Dew."

"If they done anything to Deathscythe . . ." Duo threatened again, "Why, I'll . . ." he shook his fist, and growled, "Damnit! Things were just fine . . . why did they need to mess with the natural order of things?!"

Quatre sighed and massaged his temples, "I don't know, Duo . . . I just don't know!" The normally calm and collected boy looked a little ragged. They had spent the last three hours looking for their Gundams, and still to no avail . . . even Heero was having a little trouble. The scraggily haired pilot sat back, and flexed his fingers. He glared at the screen. Nothing. Heero sighed, he hated failing at missions, it always left him with this irritating ringing in his ears . . . from Duo's laughter. 

"I cannot find them." He admitted softly, "I just . . ." he glanced back at his friends, "Wing's signature is just . . ." 

Wufei felt his heart sink as he watched the perfect soldier struggle to find the right words . . . the Gundams were gone.

"Dew."

"Yes, Treize, the Gundams appear to be covered in dew."

"And absolutely no one noticed before this morning, that these five Gundams were just standing right *there* in the middle of the airstrip?"

Zechs closed his eyes, "Doesn't say much about my crack team of pilots, does it?"

"What were they doing?" Noin folded her arms and sat on the windowsill, staring out. She smirked and glanced back at Zechs, as he sat back in his chair, "Did they just fly around the Gundams . . . or just forget that these are our most dangerous enemy?"

Zechs placed a gloved hand over his eyes, "God . . . my head hurts . . ." 

"So it should!" Lady Une snapped, "These . . ." she trailed off and glanced out the window with distain, "*Gundams* are a real menace . . ." she turned to Treize who was sipping at some tea, "Sir!" She snapped in a softer tone she reserved only for His Excellency, "Allow me to take some of our mobile suits and destroy the Gundams . . . we can then try to analyse them!"

Treize nodded, "That would seem like a good idea . . ." he opened his eyes as he felt a little bit of tension creep up in the air, Noin and Zechs moved forward, Zechs by leaning forward in his chair, and Noin by leaving her post by the window. They came in closer, "It would seem like a very good idea, we would be able to improve our systems . . . the Tallgeese and the Eypon together." 

Treize nodded at his Lady's suggestions, "Good. . . good . . ." he turned to look out his window, "Finally . . ." he murmured, his eyes closed as he took in this momentous time, "Finally, we will control . . ." he opened his sky blue eyes to take in the future---

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Marvin sighed as he stared at the empty hold, only a few days ago the Gundams had been standing right there . . . he looked down at a small bolt – actually it was the size of his fist – and groaned aloud, "This is Little Death's little bolt . . ." he picked up another nut, "And this is Little Death's little nut . . ." he whimpered openly as he spotted another small piece of the massive Gundam, "And this is Little Death's little flake of burnt paint work . . ." 

The engineer continued to wander about the empty hold, as Wufei and Trowa stared at him. Wufei growled quietly, "You want to shoot him . . . or do I get the honour of putting the Baka onna weakling out of his misery first?"

Marvin held up a fallen screwdriver and wailed, "Awww! This is the little screwdriver I used in Little Death's little cockpit!!"

Trowa raised an eyebrow, "If I was an manga character . . ." he tilted his head slightly, "I believe my response would be . . . Dot. Dot. Dot."  

Gundam Zero One tilted it's massive head as it stared into the room . . . at the strange little man who screamed and spilt it's liquid container all over it's own lap.

Treize quickly collected himself, and turned slowly, "Zechs . . ."

"Sir."

"The Gundam moved, Zechs . . ."

"Yes, sir." Zechs seemed a little stunned. He nodded slowly, his bright blue eyes never coming off the massive gel green eye peering in the window. "It did at that, sir."

"And yet, Zechs . . ." Treize paused, and motioned his hand gracefully his desktop communicator, "No one saw fit to inform us." 

"It appears that way, sir."

"Remind me again . . ." Treize closed his eyes, "Our policy on taking on blind people in an equal opportunities politically correct movement in order to gain favour with the minority hasn't yet extended to putting blind people in look out positions has it?" He sighed, "Because if it has," he lifted a finger and pointed at the Gundam behind him, "I think I can tell you why these massive, hard to camouflage Gundams keep seemingly able to sneak up upon us." 

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

[hits gong]

DrM: [bowing down in front of readers] Gomen nasai . . . I apologise for that completely short last chapter . . . it was crappy and short . . . therefore, here is another chapter, to sustain you for another night until I've written more. . .

Wing: [raises eyebrow] you weakling, are you telling me you . . .?

DrM: [rubs elbow] . . . felt so guilty the entire day so I wrote another chapter . . .? [nods head with shame]

Wing: you weakling . . . you call yourself a suspense writer . . .

DrM: let's just say . . . if I was J.K . . . none of the HP readers woulda had to wait for the fifth book . . . man, when I feel guilty, Brian – the muse – goes into hyper drive . . . so hopefully this chapter will make up for the last chapter . . .

Wing: [reads chapter] why . . . this is just made up of stuff that happened to you today . . . [shakes head] You bad evil overlord . . . why do the scientists sound like your drunk housemates?! Why do they have the same conversation you had with the paranoid one?! And that WHOLE last paragraph is something you and Bluegoo argued about a few months back . . . what the--?!

DrM: [defensive] it's not unusual for me to write about my personal experiences . . . stuff like this . . . well, the conversations at least, do happen with me and people . . . [sniffs and tosses head] just be glad I haven't yet STOOPED, or indeed GIVEN INTO THE TEMPTATION of adding a character called Doctor M. 

Wing: Dear sweet mother of Canadian moose . . . NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

DrM: [giggles and picks up hot chocolate]

Wufei: [suddenly popping out of nowhere] HOW IN THE HELL YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS _WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU . . ._ **_AGAIN_**?! [ignores DrM's yelps of pain, turns to readers] WHY IN THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU REVIEWED YET?! CAN YOU TELL ME HOW IN THE HELL YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS _WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU . . ._ **_AGAIN_**?! [walks off again] INJUSTICE!! NO-BODY IS REVIEWING FAST ENOUGH!! REVIEW NOW, OR FEEL THE WRATH OF NATAKU!!

DrM: [mopping up hot chocolate] I'll wrath you, Wufei . . . just you wait and see . . . the days of you making me spill hot stuff on myself are coming to a close . . . [starts to laugh evilly. Stops suddenly and grins at readers] so, what are you waiting for? Please review . . . Trowa.


	11. Did we forget to mention?

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm, warnings . . . let's see . . . some potty mouth, naughty thoughts, more potty mouth, and erm . . . oh, yeah, love, love, love between boys, boys, boys!! Got a problem with that? Then go read something else, I am not forcing you to sit there and read, but that doesn't mean you can't try it . . . it's like eating ready salted Pringles with Nutella chocklate spread, ya just don't know how much you'll love it, unless you try!! 

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! **Both the Eypon nd Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regually . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 10: Did We Forget To Mention?

Almost glazed over eyes slid shut as Heero flopped back on to his bed, and put his arm over his forehead, between escaping Relena, and trying to find Gundams . . . he sighed, and glanced at the door as his expert hearing picked up the faint sounds of Hurricane Maxwell heading down the corridor. Sighing again, he felt the muscles in his back tense, as he prepared for a rambling night with the braided pilot, and heard the door open wide open. 

"Rough day, huh?" Heero stiffened at the quiet murmur, he kept his eyes closed and remained in his 'I'm awake, but I'm gonna hide it from you' pose. There was a munch as Duo lifted another spoonful of his favourite cereal up to his mouth, and chewed thoughtfully. The braided pilot moved slowly and as quietly as he could around, indicating to Heero that Duo thought he was asleep. He almost, almost smiled at this show of compassion. Duo hummed snatches of a tune, and Heero felt the end of his bed dip as Duo sat on it. "I guess so . . ." Duo's voice was so soft, and gentle. Heero felt another smile try to weed its way to the top, as he felt himself relax. "Don't worry Heero . . . wing and the others will be fine . . ." 

Heero sighed quietly, feeling sleep begin to draw him away. Duo's voice, surprisingly soft as it was, was lulling him. So deep in his growing slumber, he barely felt the touch of fingertips soft, yet battle roughened brush gently over his lips. 

"HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS . . . WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU AGAIN?!"

Quatre winced and quickly put down his tea, as Wufei's voice came echoing down the corridor. The Chinese pilot had been ranting and raving all day, even all night . . . even when he was showering . . . even when he was eating dinner . . . even when he was talking to Sally Po over the radio . . . *even* when he was *sleeping*, Damnit. Quatre clapped his hands over his eyes and shook his head. How did Wufei keep it up?!

He looked at the door as it slid open and Wufei and Trowa walked in, Wufei seemed calm, completely peaceful as he made himself a cup of coffee. He slid into the seat opposite from Quatre, and Trowa – with his cup of coffee – slid into the seat next to his. They glanced at each other, as Wufei calmly read the morning newspaper, clucking over various pieces of news. Only when ten minutes of this apparent tranquil, unruffled peace had past did they two other pilots deem it safe to sip at their scalding hot liquids.

Big mistake.

"HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS . . . WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU AGAIN?!"

Quatre yelped quietly as he jerked and his tea spilt into his lap eagerly. A small sound of discomfort issued from Trowa, and the two looked at each other. Trowa was patting quickly at his tight jeans, and handed Quatre a small tea towel. They glanced over at Wufei, who had resumed his quiet reading, and gentle sipping of his coffee. He looked like nothing had happened.

Quatre winced as he trudged along the ship's corridor, "might as well get dressed for bed . . ." he muttered to himself, as they took the turn that would lead to their shared bedroom. Trowa was leading the way and held open the door. "Why bother . . . Wufei will just find another way of making us spill something on our laps anyway . . ."

"We could always go to bed naked." Quatre blushed, the words slipping out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop them. He looked up at Trowa as the taller pilot smirked, "that's an idea . . ." Trowa murmured, "I've always wondered what was under the pink shirt . . ."

"It's purple." Quatre corrected almost automatically, "it's a very subtle shade of purple . . . it's just in some lights it appears to be pink."

"Uh huh." Trowa deadpanned, "and Heero's hideous yellow sneakers are actually a tasteful green."

Quatre sniffed as he pealed off his wet clothes, he shot Trowa a look over his shoulder, "you're comparing my beautiful shirt to Heero's shoes?" He sniffed again, and turned away, once again speaking before he thought, "someone doesn't want to get laid tonight."

Within a blink of an eye, Quatre found himself pinned against the bed, with Trowa's hungry hands all over him, the taller pilot's lips firmly sealed over his own. Trowa's nimble hands tugged and pulled at the offensive clothing. Quatre chuckled and wrapped his arms around Trowa, thinking how wonderful his Gundam was for getting him into this luscious posit---

"HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU AGAIN?!" The door slammed open and Wufei stood in the doorway, his fists clenched and his whole body shaken from unused rage. "INJUSTICE, ARRRRGGGHHHHH!!"

Trowa pulled away from Quatre, his usually sharp green eyes dulled with unspent lust, Quatre turned an interesting shade of pink—uh, purple. Wufei's eyes were shut as he yelled again. "HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS . . . WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU AGAIN?!"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, WUFEI!!" Hollered Trowa, now distinctly put off, "I DON'T KNOW!!! NEITHER DO I MUCH CARE!!""

_The next day . . ._

_Zero One . . . _

The cursor blinked slowly, before Zero One continued. _Request confirmation of status, Zero Two to Zero Five?_

The response boxes blinked silently, as the four other Gundams ran routine checks over themselves. Zero Three was the first to reply, _Zero Three, confirming status as intact and functional._

_Zero Four . . ._ there was another pause, before the Gundam continued, _Zero Four, confirming status as intact and functional._

_Zero Five, reporting status as intact and functional._

Zero one waited . . . and waited for Zero Two's reply, Zero Two's cursor continued to blink, and Zero One was just about to request a confirmation report again, when Zero Two's reply typed up slowly.

_Zero Two . . . intact and functional . . . where the hell are we?!_

"Where the hell are they?!" Duo steamed at his own laptop, "I don't understand this at all?! How in the hell do you—"

Duo yelped quietly as Trowa slapped a hand over his mouth. Duo tilted his head back until he could see up Trowa's nostrils, as the strangely haired boy growled, "don't say it. Just don't say it." The green eyes narrowed as he glared down at Duo, "Wufei's been saying it none stop . . . even muttering it in his sleep . . . I do NOT want to hear it from you."

As Duo made a sound of compliance, a muffled 'okay, okay', Quatre leant over Heero's seat, and sighed, "any luck?"

"I would inform you immediately if I had any luck." Heero's fingers continued to fly across the 'board, before he paused and looked at Quatre, "I can't even be sure if they are still on the planet. . . let along where they could possibly have—" 

"Everyone!!" Wufei burst into the room, closed followed by Howard, the older man switched on a nearby television, as Wufei growled, "We've located the Gundams!"

All eyes turned to the television screen as Lady Une was shown to make a speech, live from a hidden OZ base.

_"We repeat . . . for the love of sanity, Gundam pilots if you are capable, and still in your right frame of mind please. . ."_ she trailed off and swallowed as the room she was standing in rattled powerfully and rhythmically. She looked tired, and annoyed, _"we ask that the Gundam pilots come to the New Barley Base as soon as possible. We declare a temporary cease-fire, and wish only to work peacefully with the pilots to retrieve their Gundams from our . . ."_ she trailed off again as the room shook again. As the rumbling faded again, lady Une glanced out the window. Her features lit up briefly from an off-shot explosion, her expression turning to one of mild horror,_ "we are posting the coordinates at this and every other television and radio station we can get too. For the love of sanity Gundam! Another rattling started up as Lady Une started to get more agitated, this is cruel and unusual punishment!!"_

Heero . . . was uncomfortable. 

Well, it wasn't like he hadn't been trained by the best to endure the harshest of conditions, hell . . . The frozen wastelands of Antarctica were more comfortable than this! It wasn't the plushy chair he was objecting too . . . not the bright pink foot rest, nor the excellent rolling desk top that was attached to his plushy chair so he could easily work on his laptop. . . no, none of that . . . it was something else . . . something he couldn't quite put his finger on . . .

He looked around, trying to discern what was putting the perfect solider with such odds with his environment. It wasn't Wufei . . . the Chinese man was slowly cleaning his favourite katana, with a slightly glazed over glean to his black eyes. Heero raised a mildly concerned eyebrow as he noticed that Wufei was murmuring 'Nataku' an extraordinary amount of times. The perfect solider moved on, and glanced at Trowa and Quatre, they were sitting away from each other, that felt in a more subconscious level more intimate. They were trying hard not to let Relena see them together. The girl still hadn't quite gotten over the fact that four of the five Gundams appeared to be homosexual . . . even though several attempts had been made to explain to her that the five Gundams were in fact androgynous, and therefore were above such minor labels. He sighed, it wasn't that Relena didn't mean well . . . it was hard to forget that this was the girl that would eventually bring peace to the colonies, and to the earth, and all of man kind, it was just that . . . he blinked, Heero's equivalent of rubbing his eyes wearily, it was just that she seemed to have this rather nasty fixation on him.

Which brought him back to the thing he couldn't put his finger on.

Namely Relena.

Who was attached to his arm.

He raised an eyebrow, wondering briefly if she hadn't surgically attached herself to his arm. 

A quiet snigger from in front of him brought his attention to the pilot. Hn.

Duo shook his head, "it's sweet the way you two are . . ." Heero glared at him, as he continued, "I mean you're so in love, you're gonna get married, and I'll be there . . . probably not at your side giving you tons of support, but propping up your buffet table. . ."

Heero frowned at him again, choosing not to reply at all, the braided wonder-chatter-box grinned manically, and sat back. He was expecting him to go on, but Duo closed his eyes instead and twined his fingers together, "I hope ol' buddy's okay . . ."

Treize fingered his teacup, as his handsome features were lit up but yet another explosion. "I never thought I'd ever say this . . ."

Noin pressed a hand against her mouth, moaning quietly, "that was my favourite mobile suit! Damn them!"

Zechs covered his eyes, "why did I have eyeholes cut into this stupid mask? I don't want to see this anymore!"

Lady Une covered her ears with her hands, and growled as another explosion rocked the base, "this has to be the most insulting attack the Gundams have ever launched against us!"

"Indeed . . . never even occurred to me that I'd ever want to say this . . . but . . ." Treize sighed, and continued, "I wish the Gundams would save us . . ."

He winced as Zero One leant over again and stared into the room again, "what do you want?!" Une blustered angrily as she threw open the window, "why are you here?! What do you want from us?!"

Zero One tilted it's head in a clear 'huh?' manner, before blowing it's incredibly loud horn. 

Noin gasped as the Mask of Zechs splintered and exploded, Lady Une's glasses shattered and burst out of their frames, and Treize winced as he felt his cup crack loudly, and his tea stain his beloved white jodhpurs. 

"They are always there when you don't want them . . ." Treize grumbled as he mopped up the spill again, "but when you do need them, are the Gundams ever here . . . ohhh noooooo!"

Heero was brought back to awareness – he had dozed off, and dreamt of that girl and her damned puppy again – by the bleeping of his laptop. He frowned at the minute version of Wing, as the miniature version of Deathscythe Glomped it. It was only too true, the two Gundams were in love. He sighed, and opened the new message. 

Bushy dark eyebrows rose to the sky as the five, sheepish looking scientists appeared in yet another recorded message, entitled:

'Did we forget to mention?'

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: Gomen for no update last week, or indeed last Friday . . . but I lost track of many tings, and an essay kinda demanded to be written . . . 

Quatre: [waves] hello!

DrM: [jumps] phew, for a moment there I thought you were feckin' Grace . . . [pressed hand against heart] cut that out. . .

Quatre: [folds arms] I just wanted to pop in and ask you to stop using my Zero system while watching CSI. . . you're getting drool all over my joystick. . .

[Trowa and DrM's dirty minds look up at possible dirty pun]

DrM: [stuffing dirty mind back into its cage for later use in Gundammit!!] but CSI is just so damn good!! It's so wonderful, and I've gotta know what happens next!! And with Boomtown! So good!!

Quatre: [shakes head] you're obsessive, do you know that?

DrM: [Picks up hot chocolate and frowns] *I'm* obsessive . . . you're the one that goes loco every time---

Wufei: [suddenly popping out of nowhere] HOW IN THE HELL YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS _WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU . . ._ **_AGAIN_**?! [ignores DrM's yelps of pain, turns to readers] WHY IN THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU REVIEWED YET?! CAN YOU TELL ME HOW IN THE HELL YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS _WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU . . ._ **_AGAIN_**?! [walks off again] INJUSTICE!! NO-BODY IS REVIEWING FAST ENOUGH!! REVIEW NOW, OR FEEL THE WRATH OF NATAKU!!

DrM: [jumps up and waves fist] FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, CHANG WUFEI, I DON'T KNOW!! NOR DO I MUCH CARE!! [rants] INJUSTICE!!! [glances at readers and pouts cutely] please make him stop . . . I want to finish my hot chocolate one day . . .[sighs] ah, well, mnaybe I can come up with some sort of Anti-Wufei-Injustice-O-dar . . . [walks off mumbling to self, before pausing to yell over shoulder] Please R&R!!!


	12. Uh oh

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm, usual warnings . . . but it's not like anyone reads this bit up here anyway so . . .

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! **Both the Eypon and Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regularly . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 11: Uh-oh . . . 

_"Well, we were sitting around, minding our own business and see . . . we got to remembering what went wrong with the Gundams . . . well see . . . it was kinda dark and. . . Well, as you know we were making some *more* improvements to your Gundams, and unfortunately we think we might have made yet another mistake . . ." _

Doctor J grinned patronisingly from the screen. Heero felt his trigger finger twitch uncontrollably. If only he hadn't been trained with such self control . . . Regardless, The Scientists' recording continued. The five old men stared out from the screen, each looking like the back end of a federation mobile suit . . . that had been run through a Gundam attack twice and then stomped on by a few OZ Aries, and then in a final humiliation, some old blind man in stained long johns claiming to be Napoleon coming along and prodding it with the end of his walking stick . . . Yes. They looked *that* bad. 

_"Not that it's a mistake on our part, you understand but indeed a mistake of the theory of chaos as we all know it states that this mistake must be made for . . . well. . . that's something else . . . anyway . . . funnily, it was very dark, which is really weird because we only passed out at midday . . ."_ He paused and glanced at his cohorts, _"You know we probably should stop combining drink and heavy machinery. . ."_

H raised an eyebrow, _"Why? That's taking strong medicines and operating heavy machinery."_

_"Point."_ J nodded, and pointed at his comrade in booze. _"Anyway, getting back to the matter at . . ." _he smirked and raised his artificial limb, _"Claw. . ." _he chuckled, _"Oh, look I made a funny! Hee, hee!"_

Heero's forehead pounded with a large vein that threatened to pop. Doctor J wiped a tissue against his eye daintily, before continuing. _"So anyway, we kinda made a mistake with some disks, and in the dark, all your Gundams look the same. . ."_ he paused and leant forward, to whisper conspiratorially, _"Which between you and me, means these old fogies simply took my design and were so unimaginative, that they couldn't come up with better designs . . ."_ he sighed and shook his head, _"Anyway, there's one thing we know for sure . . . one of the Gundams have the right—"_

G hissed frantically in J's ear.

_"Oh, no . . . I'm wrong, none of the Gundams have the right personality," _he wrinkled his nose, and glanced over at the other scientists, _"Oh, isn't that a pain . . ."_ he looked back at the screen and smirked irritatingly, _"Anyway . . . we had yet another, even better, more practical idea . . . what if, the Gundam had the personality of the pilot the Gundam's pilot got on best with, but vitally still retained the basic traits of the original pilot . . . for example, Duo and Quatre would compliment each other, and Heero and Trowa . . . And Wufei with . . . uh, well, Wufei really . . ."_ Doctor J smirked and glanced at Master O,_ "But then that's because no-one gets on with little ol' Wuffers, do they?"_

"Kisama!!" Wufei growled and shook his fist at the recording.

_"Ahhhh . . . Kisama yourself," _Doctor J waved absently at the screen, _"Anyway, since we uh, *misplaced* the Gundams soon after this, we don't actually know who got what, or to which extent the programmes go . . . they could be very efficient or incredibly irritating. Whatever, whatever, the main point is you need to track them down, and then . . ."_

For the first time in his life, Duo actually found himself praying, Quatre was mumbling 'Allah save Sandrock', Trowa grasped at Quatre's hand for comfort, Heero glared at the screen so harshly, that Relena actually found herself a little intimidated, Howard covered his eyes and groaned, and Wufei . . . 

"INJUSTICE!!" Growled the pilot, as they crowed around the small collection of seat in Relena's plane. He made a swiping motion with his hand, "I am not going to take the chance that my Gundam isn't the right one."

"Why not?" Duo interrupted, swinging his legs as he sat back in his seat, he blinked and looked at Wufei, "Who do you not want in your Gundam?"

"You!" Wufei growled, he raised his hands and pressed his fingertips against his temples as if he was having a vision. "I can just see it. . . my graceful and beloved Nataku . . ." He shivered and rolled his shoulders uneasily, "With the soul of Duo Maxwell. . ."

"They've stopped . . . my god, they've actually stopped!!"

A cry went up around the base. It was loud, and jubilant. The young men and women of the base threw their hands in the air as the Gundams' reign of terror ceased. Zechs even threw his arms around Noin and yelled happily, "They stopped, and just in time!!" He pointed out the window, at the frozen Heavyarms, which was stuck in a pose that suggested it was about to kick the Tallgeese. "Yay!"

Zechs crowed quietly, as Noin sighed happily. She clasped her hands, her eyes shining, "They stopped . . . it's almost like the war has ended!"

Lady Une sighed, and punched the communication panel, "Okay . . ." She barked at the hapless ensign on the other end, the sounds of happy cheering in the background, "Send someone out there and find out what the hell happened, what made them stop and how we can keep it that way."

Ensign Saratone snapped a quick salute happily, "Yes Ma'am!!"

She smiled benignly as he closed the communication, and glanced over at Treize who nodded to her. "Sir, any further orders?"

He shook his head, and glanced out, his view obscured by the dulled green eye of Wing Gundam. "Just one thing . . ." He turned and pointed over his shoulder, "Move them to a safer place . . . and get me my stunning view back . . ."

Une's eyes shone as she snapped a salute, "Yes, sir!!"

Duo ran across the tarmac, barely even waiting for the plane to come to a stop before he'd opened the door, and jumped out. "Buddy!!" He waved his arms up at Deathscythe, the massive Gundam standing formidably with his fellow, "Buddy?! Are you okay?!" Duo slowed to a stop as he approached the massive black foot. He frowned as he realise that the massive Gundam wasn't moving at all. 

"What the . . ." he growled and spun as a car pulled up and Lady Une got out, "What the hell have you done to my buddy?!"

"Nothing at all . . ." Replied the lady smugly, "They just ran out of fuel . . ."

"Damnit!" Howard groaned and patted Duo on the shoulder, "That Doctor Jackass never fills up empty fuel tank . . . never in all my life have I ever known him to fulfil a common courtesy!"

Lady Une sighed, "We're only too glad . . . the damned machines have been running rampant all over our base. They do more damage without you!" She frowned, "Well. . . we don't have time to just stand here all day, come on! Come on!!"

_"Anyway, getting back to the matter at . . ."_ The recording of Doctor J smirked and raised his artificial limb, "_Claw. . ."_ The old doctor chuckled, "_oh, look I made a funny! Hee, hee!"_

"Turn it off," Treize put his hand over his face, "I don't need to hear anymore . . ."

The OZ officer leant forward and drew a deep breathe, he opened his eyes and looked around the desk, Lady Une was to his right, her arms folded, and her hair buns tighter than his pants, she glared at the Gundam pilots. To his left were Zechs, and Noin. Both looked at the footage, then at the Gundams as the mighty machines stood about five hundred metres away. Relena Peacecraft sighed, and glanced at Heero, placing a reassuring hand upon his. "Don't worry Heero; I'm sure we can figure it out together."

Heero glanced at the girl out of the corner of his eye before sliding his hand away from her. 

He sighed quietly, as Duo spoke up, "So . . . what's the plan?"

"What do you mean?" Lady Une inquired, "What are we supposed to do?"

"Fix 'em."

The good lady rolled her eyes to the ceiling at the simple answer, and raised an accusing eyebrow to whomever she was entreating to. "Pray tell, *MAXWELL* . . . how are we supposed to . . ." She raised her fingers and wiggled them, " "fix 'em."?"

As Duo scratched his head trying to figure out what that rated on the sarcasm-o-meter, Une clapped her hand over her glasses, and muttered something that distinctly sounded like she was talking to her other personality. Duo shrugged, "I dunno . . ." He frowned and leant forward, "All I know is that . . ." He grinned sheepishly, "It's killing me, I wanna know who got which Gundam, and who my Deathscythe thinks like now . . ."

Quatre sighed, and admitted softly, "As do I . . ." The desert prince nodded with a little excitement, "It's almost like a game of chance."

"We let the scientists loose with our Gundams," Trowa glared out of his one eye. "It *is* a game of chance!"

Wufei scowled, "I'll destroy Nataku if he's . . ." He shivered again, "Maxwell . . ."

"There's only one way to find out . . ." Zechs stood and walked over to the window gracefully, "We're going to have to turn them on again."

"But they are hostile towards us!!" Lady Une protested loudly, "What are we going to do, refuel them and let them rampage the base again?!"

Heero stood, and moved to the window, his Gundam, Wing, stared impassively, and it occurred to him. . . what would be Wing 's new reaction to stimuli? Would Wing be violent? Calm? But more importantly . . . he squinted at the other four Gundams, would he have to self-destruct Wing if, by some cruel and manic twist of fate, Wing now had Duo's personality?

"I know what you are thinking." Duo's soft – well, actually, less than his usual bombasticly loud - voice startled him out of his thoughts. "About Wing getting me . . ." The American sighed, "I hope it's not too bad . . . but . . . the scientists did say that the personality would only be a little different, more like who we are but with a different take on life . . ." 

"Hn."

Duo rolled his eyes as he watched Heero's face shutter off again, concealing the boy's thoughts behind a cool, perfect soldier's mask. "Well . . ." He looked around as his fellow pilots gathered nearby, each gazing at their Gundam worriedly in their own way, "There's no other way we can find out. . . but to turn one of them on."

_In the control tower . . ._

_Activation code. . ._ the message blipped on the screen a few seconds, as Heero typed with lightning speed, there was another delay before a new message blipped onto the screen. _Accepted._

It was several hours later, around about midday now. The Gundam had been refuelled but completely shut off, so only the pilots could reactivate them. Heero sat back and sighed, "Wing Gundam is active." He looked up at the gathered group, "But without a pilot I doubt it can . . ." He trailed off and glanced out the window. Wing seemed a step closer. Heero was motionless for a few moments, before stepping toward the window. He drew a breath and slid it open, leaning out to call, "Wing?"

Wing didn't move, just remained where it was.

Heero frowned as he turned away, Quatre moved forward, "Is it my imagination or is Wing getting closer?"

"I don't know." Heero groused, "I can't tell." 

Everyone walked over to the window and stared out. If that was possible, Wing actually looked as if it was trying to look utterly blameless. It sparkled innocence. It radiated virtue. The shiny clean gundamium metal twinkled cheerfully in the morning breeze. 

Everyone squinted.

"Hey . . ." Duo began, "Ya think if we turn around and look away it'll move again?"

Treize sighed, as Noin snickered, Zechs frowned and Lady Une growled, "This is not a game!"

Wufei muttered something about 'injustice', Trowa folded his arms, Quatre smiled slightly and nodded, and Relena put her hands on her hips, "Only one way to find out. On my mark, one . . . two . . . three!"

The entire group turned away. Feeling a little stupid, Heero snapped, "And?" 

"Let's see, shall we?" Relena suggested, they turned and found . . . Wing's massive front interface, or face for sanity's sake pressed against the glass.

"ARRRGH!" Treize yelped, and pointed, "It's alive . . ." He paused before adding, "Again!!"

It had landed by the control building and knelt in front of the huge windows, its gel green eyes sparkled as it stared in blankly. It tilted its head and raised its sword arm. The pilots, the former OZ officers, Relena and Sally stared in utter confusion as the Gundam robot proceeded to open and close its hand at them. The Gundam tilted its head again and started to open and close its hand faster. 

"What are you doing?" Quatre wondered out loud, "Why are you doing that?"

The Gundam continued to open and close it's hand until something clicked into place in Duo's mind, the long haired boy pranced over the table and ran over to the open window, waving madly back at the Gundam, "HI WING!!"

***BAAAAARRRRRRRRPPPPP***

Several windows cracked and shattered, and everyone had to hold their ears, as Wing blew his horn loudly. The Gundam looked at them expectantly, as they all recovered. Treize got shakily to his feet, and remarked calmly, "Zero One, this Wing as you call it . . . is . . . very . . ." His lip curled slightly, "Enthusiastic. . ."

"Oh yes . . ." Wufei nodded, before expelling a contented sigh, "Nataku lives to fight another day." 

"What do you mean?" Noin asked, as she watched Duo and Wing wave recklessly at each other again.

The dark haired Chinese boy smirked, "I didn't get Duo . . . Heero did . . ."

Heero's face darkened as Duo leant out further, to wave with both arms at the Gundam. Wing pranced, yes, *pranced*, and began to wave back with both arms. The long haired pilot pulled himself back into the room, and turned excitedly, "Well, at least they're still kinda the same as they were!!" 

Wing tilted its massive head, and glanced over at the computer consoles within. It was still for a few moments, appearing just to take in the flashy glowing lights, before it returned its attention on the people with in. Wing lifted its arm, and the buster rifle started to charge.

"Oh my god . . ." Une murmured, she stepped back, "The Suit can fire by itself . . ." 

A bright gold light filled the room as Wing fired at some insignificant storage barn nearby, pulling everyone's attention to the window. Heero folded his arms, and glared at his Gundam, unimpressed by the random shot. Duo chuckled, and glanced at his friend, "I guess he's got an itchy trigger finger too!"

"Hn."

Duo chuckled even more, and glanced at the Gundam, wondering if he should activate his own.

It was then he noticed the Gundam's attention wasn't even on the people anymore, but tilted to the left slightly. He turned to follow what he assumed was its line of sight, and blinked as he took in the main computer screen. It was split now, five ways, with each Gundam's name, current status, and operational code box. While Wing's was filled out, the others started to race, as each combination was tried and rejected. "What the . . .?" He murmured as Wing's panel started to fizzle, and change. It was hacking into the system to activate the others. "Heeeyyy. . ." Duo tapped Heero's arm, "Will ya look at that? The buddy's tapping in to—"

The various distracted ensigns raced back to their panels as Lady Une snapped, "Stop it from getting to the others!!"

Wing's computer readings shot up as the Gundam started to work faster. "Six digits!" Cried Ensign Saratone, "It's got six digits of the Zero Two's activation code!"

Duo blinked as the code box counted up, from six confirmed digits, to seven, eight, nine!

"Ma'am!!" The hapless ensign yelped, "It's starting on the Zero Three!!"

Trowa folded his arms and nodded, "Interesting . . . it's all but got the last number, and now it's gaining pace on the others. . . but why divide it's attention when it would be quicker to focus on a single code at a time?"

"That's not the fastest way though . . ." Duo nodded, he pointed at Wing as the Gundam worked speedily, "He not only has to crack the codes, he's gotta keep them . . ." He motioned to the various OZ personnel, "From keeping him out."

"Sir!!" The surprised yelp drew the Gundam pilots' attention to the screen again; more readings added themselves to the readout as the Gundam murmured quietly, "Zero Two, Deathscythe active."

"Ma'am, the second Gundam's breaking into the fifth's codes!!"

Everyone stared on in shock as the two Gundams worked on waking up the others. "What are they going to do when they are all awake?" Wufei folded his arms and nodded to the fifth panel as Deathscythe locked on to five of the ten digit code. He had to admit, the Gundams were faster that the humans.

"Zero Three. . ." The screen blipped and flickered as Heavyarms came on line, "Heavyarms, active."

Trowa nodded as his Gundam started to work on the final Gundam's code. "Why can't they activate Sandrock?" Quatre asked worriedly, all attempts to begin the code search on the final Gundam were being blocked, not by OZ but by another code, perhaps by Sandrock himself. "There must be something about Sandrock which is preventing them from getting online. . ." Duo suggested as he watched the fifth Gundam come online.

The fifth panel blipped on. "Nataku, online and active!" 

Wing's voice was quick, sharp and chirping, "Scanning area."

"Pilots not present." Stated Nataku quietly, "Scanning for pilots."

"Hailing Sandrock," Heavyarms was cool as they moved quickly, "Sandrock not responding."

"Scanning for potential threat." Deathscythe growled quietly, "Enemy Leos, Aries spotted. Enemy territory, repeat enemy territory."

"Repeating message to Sandrock." Heavyarms tapped out some rapid commands, and the code box on Sandrock started to roll. Treize nodded, as he watched the sheer efficiency of the robots, "Fascinating . . ." he murmured, he looked at the others, "Sandrock is the leader."

"That's not true," Quatre blinked, "We don't have leaders . . . but . . ." he frowned slightly as the second digit on his Gundam's code blinked and locked, "There are times when I . . ." Trowa touched his arm, and shook his head. It wasn't time to reveal all their operational status just yet. 

"Base identity: new barley," Wing called out as it read the data quickly. "Enemy base, repeat enemy base."

"Pilots located, assumed captured." 

The four Gundams paused in all activity, save for Heavyarms, he continued to break Sandrock's code, the four of them in complete silence until . . .

"Zero Four. Sandrock, operational status confirmed, online and active." 

Instead of simple readings, a digital picture began to form . . . Quatre's Gundam looked around, the digital display utterly calm and collected as he read all the gathered information from the others. Trowa shuddered slightly inwardly, the Gundam version of Quatre was icy, his eyes completely devoid of the sparkling life of his best friend. He glanced at the others, and saw that they too were unnerved by their cold version of their Arabian friend. Even Heero looked mildly disturbed by it.

"Situation assessed." Sandrock nodded once. "Destroy base."

"WHAT?!" Relena shrieked as she leapt from her seat, "What do they mean?!"

"It basically means they're going to destroy this base!" Howard jumped up, and resisted the urge to hit her.

"It makes sense . . ." Heero muttered, he nodded, "their pilots have been captured, enemy forces surround them, they haven't got a choice . . ."

"Tell them otherwise!" Lady Une demanded, throwing her arm to point at the communication panel, "NOW!!"

The sound of a rifle charging drew their attentions. 

Wing was aiming his buster rifle straight at them!!


	13. Not Nice Dreams At New Barley Base!

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm,usual warnings . . . but it's not like anyone reads this bit up here anyway so . . .

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! **Both the Eypon and Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regularly . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 12: Not Nice Dreams At New Barley Base!!

"You know . . ."

Doctor J leant back in his creaky sun chair, and stared out over the oceans. He lifted his Magical Cherry Blossom cocktail and swirled the light pink liquid in its glass. The little purple grape in the bottom bumped off the tall glass lazily, as the old man's claw moved in the air in lazy rotations. He sighed from behind his sunglasses, and looked over at his comrade in booze. Professor G's nose poked out from under the massive Mexican sombrero he'd purchased recently. The old man was breathing very heavily, as he lay sleeping in the hammock. It was tied to the tree that Master O was reclining against, his massive arms folded behind his head. He wore a slight smile on his face as he snoozed; a White Rabbit cocktail with coconut shaved over it to make it look like snow on top sat melting beside his slumbering form. Over on a neatly laid out blanket, Doktor S rolled over slowly, so not to make his new tan uneven. Instructor H nodded once to the tall, dark haired waiter - with such dark blue eyes that he reminded J of Heero – before the pointy moustached scientist turned to J. 

J supped at his drink before nodded, "I'm slightly worried about our boys . . ." 

H raised an eyebrow as S mumbled sleepily, "Slightly?"

"It's very little." J clarified, "It's more a general sense of unease . . ."

"Unease, you say?" H slapped on some more lotion, "Seriously?"

"Well . . ." J supped at his drink again thoughtfully, "It's more like . . . restlessness . . ." He nodded, "More like I should be there to give Heero a helping hand . . ." He nodded again and sucked at the purple grape, "I mean this is a time of hardship for them . . ."

G yawned sleepily, and waved at an irritating fly slowly.

". . . And we as their elders, dare I say that we are even like fathers to them . . ."

Master O reached out lightning quick, and snapped the fly out of the air with his Kung Fu styling.

". . . So that really comes to be that we really should aid and guide them through this time, when it feels like everything is against them . . ."

G grunted his thanks and pulled his comically oversized sombrero down a little further. Doctor J motioned the waiter's attention, and waved his empty glass in the air. He lay back, and crossed his legs at the ankles, "But I'm sure they're fine, and there's nothing to worry about . . . besides, I've made arrangements for us to have some Hula-hula lessons . . . Grass-skirts gentlemen?" 

"For God's sake, Gundam Pilots, do something!!"

Lady Une ordered as she glanced between the Gundam pilots and Wing who was aiming his buster rifle straight at them. She frowned deeply, "Do something now!!"

"Heeeeeerooooo!!" Relena clung to the man's neck, "Save us!!"

Heero tried to give the woman a withering glare but this effect was ruined as he spat out a few strands of blonde hair, and concentrated on typing again. Next to him, Duo and Trowa typed frantically, as Quatre and Wufei talked into microphones.

"Gundams, stand down!!" Quatre barked into the headpiece, "We are *not* captured, repeat we are *not* captured." He glanced at his own image on the screen, the Gundam staring out impassively for a moment before frowning.

Sandrock's Zero System was active and glowed all around him, "Pilot Zero Four is attempting to make contact, as is Pilot Zero Five." He sighed, expression still icily blank. "Zero One, ascertain, pilots under duress?"

Heero glanced over at Wing, the giant mecha was still aiming at them, but its head tilted. He spat out some more blonde hair, and blew a lock of it out his eyesight. Wing appeared to nod, and his cheerful version of Heero's voice rang out, "Pilots appear to be acting of free will."

Everyone held their breath and glanced up at Sandrock. The Gundam nodded, "Zero Three, disrupt all communications with OZ." 

"Confirmed." Zero Three's voice cackled as the Gundam started to work. The five screens fritzed, and buzzed with static.

"What's happening?" Treize asked, as he glanced between the Gundams and the screen.

"They're cutting off your intrusions." Trowa stated calmly as he sat back and lifted his fingers away from the keyboard so Wing could see the movement clearly, he glanced up as the image of the cold Quatre blinked once, and zipped out. Heero shook his head, and sighed. All the status reports frizzled from his screen at once. He looked up and stared at his Gundam, as the massive beam rifle lowered slowly.

"We're safe . . ." Heero murmured, as the four other Gundams resumed their positions, and Wing continued to peer in. He sighed as he blew yet another lock of Relena's blonde hair out of his mouth, "For now . . ."

_Three hours later. . ._

"How much longer is it going to stand there . . . and why aren't any of the others moving?"

Treize glared at Wing. Wing glared back. 

It was becoming rapidly clear that Treize - much as he hated losing - was going to lose at this staring match. It could have been the face that Gundams didn't need to blink, but the OZ general appeared to be giving his best, manful shot at it. The Gundams hadn't moved an inch. The people in the control tower had worked frantically to get the connections back, and various, nameless workmen worked on the windows, replacing them. Treize growled gracefully and walked up gracefully to the window, his graceful patience running out. He gracefully opened the window, and gracefully leaned out, and then ungracefully swore as the Gundam blasted its loud horn at him. 

***BAAAAARRRRRRRRPPPPP***

Wing tilted its massive head adorably. "You know I'm kinda warming up to the Wingster. . ." Duo grinned around his mug, and closed one eye as he felt a cold gunmetal barrel press against his head. "What? Don't you think Wingster is a cool nickname?"

"HN!!"

"Hee, hee, hee. . ." Duo chuckled, and blinked as Wing started to tap the windows. The giant mecha continued to stare inward, as he tapped the window thoughtfully. Duo got up and went to the window, he sat in the sill and frowned up at the mecha, "What is it, Wing?"

Wing remained stationary, as the pilots and the others walked closer to the window for a better view. He tilted his head and stared at each other them before lifting his hand again. The massive Gundam raised a hand and pointed at Treize. Treize frowned, and stepped back, "What?" 

The Gundam tilted his head and resumed tapping the glass almost contemplatively. 

Treize gulped again and hissed, "What is it doing?" 

The Gundam's attention snapped back to him, and tapped the glass so hard it cracked under the pressure. Wing extended his 'wings' and floated onto his feet, running, yes, running back to the others. Zechs frowned, "What in the hell is it doing?!"

Heero growled, "I'd like to know that too . . ." He glared as his Gundam motioned the others closer, Heavyarms and ShenLong nodded and moved in, Sandrock glanced at Deathscythe who still appeared to be off, before joining the small group of Gundam mobile suits. What's up with my Deathscythe? Duo murmured wonderingly, as Wing straightened, and paced over to Deathscythe. Wing appeared to talk to the taller Gundam. Deathscythe stood there motionless, staring straight ahead.

"I think we can safely say where Heero's personality ended up . . ." Duo grumbled, "Great . . . now I have to put up with the perfect soldier in my Gundam!"

Wing tipped its head back again, staring at the sky.

"He's thinking." Quatre murmured, then glanced at each other pilots before settling on Duo, "You do that when you're trying to think of something . . ." He blinked, "Right?"

Duo grinned widely, "Then perhaps it's not so bad, if I have to put up with the Perfect Soldier, the Perfect Solder's gotta put up with me!!" He grinned, and clapped Heero's shoulder, ". . . Right, Heero?"

Heero growled threateningly. And yet, didn't remove the hand.

Outside, Wing's head fell forward again, and he extended his wings again, the massive Gundam wrapped his arms around Deathscythe. 

"It's hugging him?!" Noin gaped, confusion reigning on her features, "What the hell?!" 

Wing held on tightly as Deathscythe turned its head slowly towards it. The Winged Gundam didn't notice that the Deathscythe's thermal scythe had ignited. Quatre frowned, "Uh oh . . ."

The motion was so fast no one was expecting it; Wing stumbled back as Deathscythe started to attack him. The Winged Gundam quickly manoeuvred out the way as the irate Deathscythe went after him. Hey! Duo growled as his Gundam went after Wing ruthlessly, "That's not fair!!"

Wing pranced out the way, easily moving out of the way as Deathscythe ran about trying to hit him. Zechs sighed, feeling a migraine coming on. "What's with them now?" 

"Sir, Sir!!" Ensign Saratone yelled from his station, "I'm picking up signals from them; they're talking to each other!!" He turned to his panel and twisted a dial, the speakers filling the room with sound.

"Zero One, stationary!"

"Zero Two, non-compliance!"

"Zero One, STATIONARY!!" Deathscythe roared, as it swung its scythe again.

Wing appeared to sing his response again, "Zero Two, compliance result damage."

"Zero One. . ." Deathscythe paused, then nodded, "Target achievable." 

"Zero One, Zero Two . . . Unproductive activity. Cease."

Noin ran over to the panel, "What was that new voice?" She demanded, and looked up to see ShenLong stomp forward and try to stand between the two. 

"Zero One, Zero Two . . ." It spoke again, "Activity unproductive. Cease."

"Zero Five." Wing floated behind the dragon clawed Gundam, "Receiving loud and clear. Repeat message: Zero Two."

"Zero Two. Cease unproductive activity."

Deathscythe became still but raised an arm and pointed at Wing, "Zero One, result damage. Render unrepairable!"

Wing manoeuvred up, and floated in front of Deathscythe, "Zero Two, message recorded, played again. Target: Non-achieved."

"Zero One . . ." Deathscythe warned, "Render unrepairable!"

"What are they saying?" Relena wondered aloud, "I don't get what they are saying. . ."

"It's in the simplest terms . . ." Trowa murmured, he lifted his hand and pointed at the Gundams, ". . . 'Zero One, stay still'," He pointed to Wing, "Then he said, 'I can't do that', and then it was 'Stay still!', 'if I do that you'll kill me', 'that's bad because?' . . ." Then he pointed at ShenLong as the Gundam moved forward to keep the peace, "Then he came in and said, ' this is a pointless battle', then Wing said, 'I know that but tell it to him', Nataku repeated the message, and frankly . . ." He sighed and nodded to Heero, "He said 'I'm going to kill you'."

"Just like the Perfect Soldier," Duo muttered, he looked up as Deathscythe ran after Wing again. "Aw, hell . . . They *loved* each other before!! Why are they at each other's throats?!"  

"They aren't exactly like us anymore," Quatre nodded, "It seems not only have the scientists wiped the Gundams' memories but now . . . Deathscythe has all Heero's single mindedness, with your fighting method. Wing has all of Duo's cheerfulness, but also Heero's lack of . . ." He trailed off and blushed slightly, "No offence Heero, but all your lack of human understanding . . . he's like a child, he mustn't realise he's causing Deathscythe real anger."

"I wish he would . . ." Wufei murmured, he nodded out the window, Deathscythe's swings are getting more and more serious.

Just as the words were out of his mouth, Wing flipped itself over Deathscythe and floated behind it. It clamped its hand over Deathscythe's eyes, and almost sang delightedly, "Zero Two, ascertain identity!"

"Guess who . . .?" Relena murmured, almost sorry for the childish Gundam. She closed her eyes, "I can't watch!"

Deathscythe raised its scythe, and jabbed it hard into the other's body. Wing went crashing away, slamming straight into a building, it looked up only to get a stunning kick to its head. Wing reeled backwards. Satisfied it had caused enough damage to Wing, Deathscythe stomped back to where it was, and resumed looking like it hadn't done anything, not even moved.

Wing sat on the ground, and stared down, "Zero Two . . ." 

There was a noticeable non-answer, as the channel was opened, and then hung up on.

"Zero Two."

Heavyarms walked over slowly, and leant over, "Zero One, confirm status."

"Zero Three, Status confirmed. Damage repairable."

"Zero One. Status Received." The orange Gundam straightened, "Zero Two. Confirm status." There wasn't a reply at all. Heavyarms helped Wing to its feet. "Zero One, avoid situation."

Wing looked from Heavyarms, then to Deathscythe, before stomping over. The blue and white Gundam extended its wings and floated in front of Deathscythe. "Zero Two. Zero Two. Zero Two. Zero Two. Zero Two. Zero T—" the repeating calls were cut off, as Deathscythe lifted it's piecing rocket launcher to Wing's midsection.

"I . . ." Heero frowned, "He can't do that . . . Wing just doesn't understand. . ."

"Zero Two." Wing began again, "Zero Two. Zero Two."

Wufei felt a growl build, "Doesn't he realised he's going to get himself killed?!"  

"Zero Two. Response required." Wing stood there, seemingly unaware of the load rocket pressed against his midsection. "Zero Two."

"This is horrible!" Relena cried out, "Just horrible! Duo, do something about your Gundam!!"

Heero glanced at his long-term partner, Duo looked helpless as he gazed at his Gundam. "I . . . I don't . . ."

"Zero Two." Wing shuffled closer, pushing the rocket harder against its midsection. It dipped its head, and leant against Deathscythe's shoulder. "Zero . . . Two . . ."

There was a quiet intact of breath from everyone as the two Gundams stood still, Deathscythe was motionless for a few moments, the rockets still visibly powered up. Heero felt a growl build in his throat, even he knew that this was . . . was something that went against some unspoken code, they were comrades, they were the same side, it wasn't right that the Gundam cut the other down for being friendly . . . His right eyebrow slammed up with the force of the realisation, and reached over to slap the left for not understanding . . . wasn't that the way he was with people who tried to do that for him?

The three other Gundams were unmoving, although ShenLong was fidgeting, Heavyarms was shaking its head slightly. Sandrock just stood and observed. 

There was a pause before a communication channel was opened, and left open. 

Treize waved his hand at Lady Une absently, "Who . . . who is it?" He was too gripped by the tense stand off to move a muscle. It was a battle for honour that had to be watched!

Lady Une glanced down long enough, "It's Zero Two's communications . . . but there's no message."

There wasn't any need for one, as Wing lifted its head and stepped back. The blue and white Gundam spread its Wings and floated back a little as Deathscythe dropped its rocket arm. The massive black and gold Gundam stared at Wing, before looking away again. Wing landed and started to walk off slowly, its back to the God of Death. 

"What was that . . .?" Noin asked, incredulously, they didn't even say a word, and Zero One's just walking away with his back to someone who would shoot him.

"Zero One."

Wing slowed to a stop, as Deathscythe's cold, quiet voice filled the room. 

"Render unrepairable."

Duo nodded, and folded his arms, "Just like Heero . . . incredible."

"Similarities Pilot Zero One confirmed." Wing replied, and manoeuvred, swaying side to side delicately, as it muttered matter-of-factly, ". . . Of proportions out of range."

The tension left everyone feeling like a wet sack of sand, Treize lifted a hand to his eyes, "The Gundams are out of their minds . . . whatever possess them to attack each other like that?"

Zechs stroked his chin, "Of my experience; I know the Gundam pilots are pretty intense themselves maybe—"

"Hey!" Duo blustered with irritation, "Don't talk about us as if we're not here!" He growled and turned to look out the window, Wing was knelt down again, staring in. "And you, buddy, need to get sorted out!! What in the hell did you . . .?"

The Gundam tilted its head sweetly, and lifted a hand up to tap the window. Duo seized the opportunity immediately, to rant away at the sorry looking Wing, "What's got into you?! You nut! Didn't you realise that he . . . Wait!!" Duo steamed, his face turning very red as his rage boiled, "DEATHSCYTHE GUNDAM!! HAUL YOUR SORRY ASS OVER HERE!!"

Everyone, including Heero gaped as they watched Duo, the normally carefree God Of Death, lecture both massive Gundams, seemingly unaware that not only could both kill him in an instant, but also that inches from him was an arsenal able to vaporise his particles into very, very small, tiny to be exact, in fact, so very small, tiny doesn't seem to be the word to describe how small the Gundams could have blasted Duo into, I mean, I'm not even sure if miniscule covers it, does it? What about diminutive? No, wait that's the word that is used for midgets . . . midgets? YES! The Gundams could have blasted Duo in to particles so tiny, so very, very, very, very small, that normal sized particles would have called them midgets, in fact particle midgets would have called his particles midgets, so in fact they would have been particle midget midgets . . . but I digress, suffice to say that Duo was almost certainly staring into the open jaws of every particle midget midget's nightmares.

"You don't play games like that!! And Deathscythe, save yourself for battle, like ShenLong said, that was a completely worthless battle, you've wasted resources and time on something that could have been spent on a mission!!" He growled helplessly, and stuck one hand on his hip, while shaking a finger to the two, "BAD GUNDAM! VERY BAD GUNDAM!!"

Wing dipped its head apologetically, "Pilot Zero Two, penitent. Assistance required?"

"Huh?" Duo blinked as his own Gundam crouched beside Wing, and nodded slowly. "What did you say?"

"Pilot Zero Two, penitent. Assistance required?"

"I . . . don't understand what they are trying to tell me . . ." He turned and looked to the others, "A little help?"

Trowa frowned slightly, before murmuring, "He said . . . he's sorry, if there is anything he could do to help . . ."

"Oh . . ." Duo looked up at the sorry Gundam, then at his own, "And you? What have you got to say for yourself?!"

Once again, Deathscythe opened a communication channel, and said nothing. 

Duo tipped his head back and glared at the sky, thinking. "Why me?" He began, thinking aloud, "Here I am stuck once again with the perfect solider, only the perfect solider is trapped in my Gundam which is just great, because I have to worked with it everyday, and now for the rest of my life which might not be all that long, I'm gonna have to talk to the perfect solider . . ." Quatre giggled quietly, as Duo continued, "Man, this is going to be harsh, it's taken me years to break in Heero, just think how long it's going to take to break in Deathscythe . . . in-cred-de-ble! Aiya . . . why me?" He repeated, shaking a fist at the heavens as if the Scientists, who had been responsible for all of this, were above and watching every moment, which they probably were, "Sheesh, let me tell you one thing, it took me absolutely ages just to get the man to remember my name, and not just to call me, oi-you-the-one-I'm-going-to-kill . . . not that he didn't call everyone that . . . I mean the man was a complete bast—"

Quatre gasped, and snapped, "Duo!"

"--ille." Duo completed politely, "A Bast. . . ille. A Bastille. The Bastille. A French place. An annoying French place. Where they put people. People who were annoying. The bastille. An annoying French place, where they put people who were annoying. A bastille. A complete bastille. Heero was a complete bastille." 

Treize's mouth slid open with shock, "How long can he go on like that?" 

Heero sighed under his breath, "A very long time . . ."

". . . in fact, let me tell ya this, it was damned hard just getting him to talk a little, I mean, you think I'm not talkative, just look at him, there only one person worse than him and that's Trowa, mind you, Wu-man is just as bad, I mean, the man just has three words in his vocabulary, 'injustice!', 'dishonour!' and 'Maxwell!', and usually all in the same sentence. But why am I telling you all of this, huh?" Deathscythe raised a hand to interrupt when Duo answered his own question. "I'll tell you why! Because I won't have my Gundam acting like a cold ass bast. . . ille. A cold ass bastille to a friend of his, sheesh, he's just trying to be playful and kind, Death! And you!" He turned his attention on Wing again, "I know I've said it before but, ya gotta be careful of Heero's personality, the man's got a short fuse, and I mean, I trust Heero enough not to pull the trigger, but I don't know if death here's got the same restraint and . . ." He blinked as Wing tilted it's head to look up, the Gundam appeared to stare at the dark mobile suit for a long time before it spoke. 

"Zero Two . . ." Wing trailed off, then looked down. There was a slow rumble as Sandrock walked towards them; its stride slow and gaiting. It came to a stop, and motioned the two to part. Wing and Deathscythe moved away, as Sandrock looked in. Sandrock nodded slowly, and almost silently, it tipped its head to stare at the computer panels. "Sir! Sir!!" Yelled another random ensign, "The Gundam's hacking into our files!! It's . . . it's . . ."

"Hello Quatre."

Elsewhere . . . meaning Hawaii, because that's where all the best Hula-hula lessons are given. . .

"You know, I just can't hit that cord . . . simply so irritating because I could if I had my own guitar. . ."

"Well, that might have something to do with the fact that your guitar, O my dear friend, is about a billion times bigger than this poxy teeny weeny one they give you . . ." H looked over his shoulder, "You know I could get used to wearing these grass skirts . . ."

G smoothed his hands down his own skirt, "I know what you mean . . ." he said gruffly, "You know when I first saw them I thought 'ouch, that against my bare skin . . . no, no. . .' but now I've tried it, it feels so good. . . there's so much more freedom of movement!!"

"You mean you've gone completely commando?" J questioned as he looked down at G's skirt.

"Of course, hasn't everyone?"

"I know I have . . ." S did a little twirl, "What's that movement when they move one hand over the other, back toward their chest?"

J nodded, "Oh . . . I know that one . . ." He shimmed out of his under pants as he thought for a moment, "It means bringing the fish back in after you've cast out the nets. . ." He flicked his pants – big giant old man pants, you know the kind, the kind that you take out of the washing machine when you've decided to be helpful around your grandparents, and you think you've made some terrible mistake with the water's temperature. The kind that looks like you could slide the leg holes around your body if the desire so hits you. The kind that you used to stare at in sheer horror when you were a poor helpless little impressionable child and they were on the washing line, and absolutely convinced you that yes, giants did indeed exist and that they lived at your grandparents where they did their underwear washing. *That* kind of big giant old man pants. – over a nearby hedge no doubt sending even more poor helpless little impressionable children in to therapy for the rest of their poor helpless little impressionable lives, giving therapists for years to come incredible hardship as they try and figure out what kind of delusion 'Giants Throw Their Underwear At Me!!' falls under. 

That aside, back to . . .

"Hello Quatre."

There was silence as the almost inaudible voice softly filled the room. Quatre walked to the window, "Hello . . . Sandrock . . . it's a pleasure to hear from you." The massive robot shuffled slightly, seemingly a little uneasy. "Please kneel for us, so we can see you better . . ."

Sandrock slumped down, and looked in for a long moment before choosing to speak again, "This is unexpected."

"Indeed, we are as shocked as you are!" Quatre enthused, "But tell me . . . how is it you can speak better than the others?"

"Speak better?"

"Yes, you speak in sentences and can address me by my name, not designation." Quatre smiled as his Gundam lifted a hand, and placed a finger gently on the windowsill, "It amazes me, please explain? Is it because of the Zero System?"

"Partially. I am more . . . more . . ." Sandrock tilted its head, "More used to you. You speak to me, in the fashion you have described; I cannot think of any other . . . reason, nor explanation. This is the way you communicate, and therefore is the most appropriate form to ease communication between us."

The petite blonde looked thrilled, "I see!" He grinned, "Very well then, thank you! He glanced back at the others, Sandrock, do you have any memory of being active like this before?"

The Gundam was silent for a moment, "Since the last upgrading . . . there is no outstanding memory of being active in sentient form before the last upgrading."  

"Zero Four." Sandrock looked up as Deathscythe addressed him, there was a quick burst of sound, like a data transfer. Meanwhile, the pilots, Howard and Relena sat back and thought about this. None of the Gundams were aware of their former 'lives' as it were, which meant . . . the pilots sighed, there was no memory of their friendships. Howard glanced sadly at the boys; it meant the Gundams had forgotten their interpersonal relationships. Relena smirked, it meant Deathscythe and Wing, Sandrock and Heavyarms were no longer in love and were acting like perfectly normal men. Quatre frowned as his Gundam nodded, and looked back at them. "What is it?"

"Zero Two wishes for Duo Maxwell to cease speaking." There was a strange metallic sound which no one could explain, before Sandrock continued again, "Zero Two wishes for Duo Maxwell to remain in a state where speaking has ceased for approximately 300 seconds."

"What?!" Duo exclaimed, he glared at his Gundam, "You what?!"

"Zero Two stated—"

"I know what he said!!" Duo snapped, he raised his fist, "Why you . . . you . . ."

He didn't get to say very much because Wing stood, and stepped in front of Deathscythe as it had before. The two stared at each other, similar bursts of data transferring between them before Zero Two turned slightly to glared at Duo, "Pilot Zero Two . . ." It began then paused again, Wing bobbed slightly, expectantly. Deathscythe's shoulders actually slumped, before it spoke again, "Compunction." 

Duo grinned, "I'm gonna take that as a 'sorry', but!!" He held up a finger, "You better play nice, just 'cause Heero's an insensitive, mean jerk—"

"Hey!" Heero protested from the back.

"--Doesn't mean you hav'ta, got it?" Deathscythe nodded as if it was agreeing to a death sentence. Wing made a funny noise and threw its arms around Deathscythe's neck. Deathscythe made a resigned sound, and stomped back to its position, still with Wing hanging onto its neck.

"It's either a very cute, to the point of sickening cute girl . . ." Lady Une observed, "Or it's a very cute, gay little boy . . ." She nodded and folded her arms, as Wing made another prolonged noise, and 'chatted' animatedly to Deathscythe, oblivious to the dark Gundam's silence. "I choose to believe the latter."

Heero pressed a hand against his forehead and sighed, "My Gundam is gay, Duo . . . why is my Gundam still gay?"

The braided pilot turned away from the window, and blushed. "Erm . . . I, uh . . . don't . . ." Heero stepped closer. Relena looked on impressed, she knew Heero had never been gay, unlike his comrades . . . she glanced around, Quatre and Trowa made no effort to hide themselves, and Wufei . . . Wufei tried but failed, and finally there was Duo who seemed to have a crush on her boyfriend. Her eyes narrowed as she glared at the braided idiot. 

His back pressed against the glass, Duo tried to make a joke of it, "Look Heero, I . . ." He looked down, unable to take the cold cobalt gaze anymore, "I dunno."

Heero blinked in complete surprise, Duo didn't have an answer? He looked above the braided pilot's head, to see his Gundam cling tighter to Death. "Is it because you are?"

Duo cringed, "Maybe . . ."

Quatre frowned and cleared his throat, "Maybe we could save this for another time, I do believe that we need to establish a closer communication with the Gundams to prevent further confusion in the futu—"

"JUST WILD BEAT COMMUNICATION!!"

The entire group jumped back in utter shock as Wing floated outside the window. It made that funny noise again, prolonged and stilting, before crowing again, "Just Wild Beat Communication!"

"You're energetic . . ." Zechs observed dryly, he opened the window, "Aren't you?"

"Pilot Zero Six, confirmation of status!"

Zechs chuckled, "Interesting . . . you remember me?"

"Pilot Zero Six, memory banks 100% complete!"

The platinum haired OZ Officer nodded, "Good!" He propped himself on the sill, "Tell me, why are you so good at sneaking up on us like that? You'd think a massive and *energetic* robot like you couldn't be capable of such stealth . . ."

Wing shook it's head, "Pilot Zero Six, information encrypted. Discussion denied."

"You can't tell me? Why not?"

"Information encrypted. Discussion denied."

Heero sighed and stepped away, Duo was still looking down. "We'll talk about it later." Heero murmured, he walked over and lent out the window, "Discussion is irrelevant, access to information permitted."

Wing tilted its head, and paused; before its cool metallic voice filled the room, the chirping quality disappearing from the voice. "Zero One has influences of Pilot Zero Two. Pilot Zero Two: Maxwell, first name: Duo. Specialties: Stealth, fighting, piloting. Secondary qualities: Penetration, infiltration . . ." The chirping tint returned to the voice again as Wing added, "Pilot Zero One's preferred pilot."

"What?" Heero frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Preferred pilot." Wing stated as if this was information enough, Sandrock made the same noise as before, a sort of robot's 'tut' before explaining. "Pilot Zero One displays preferences to Pilot Zero Two, more than 50% of missions are taken with Pilot Zero Two, missions taken without are recorded as unsatisfactory, unfulfilling, tiresome."

Quatre chuckled, "Are you suggesting that Heero finds going on missions with Duo more fun than anything else?"

Wing tilted its head, "Pilot Zero Four, restate question."

"Pardon me?" Quatre frowned, he shook his head slowly, "Didn't you understand?"

Sandrock tapped the glass slightly, "Your use of words is too much for his vocabulary. You have confused him." Sandrock 'tutted' again, "Zero One, restate Pilot Zero One: Preferences. Cross reference under: Pilot Zero Two."

Wing looked at Sandrock, and then back at Quatre and Zechs. Quatre smiled with a hint of confusion in his expression and the OZ officer folded his arms, and looked up at the robot expectantly. The communications channel opened . . . and then closed . . . and then opened again, and then closed again . . . Wing looked at Sandrock, impatient at its limited vocabulary. 

"Zero One, State problem." Sandrock requested slowly. Wing shook its head, opening and closing its metaphorical mouth, before it spread its rockets and floated to its feet. It started to walk over to Deathscythe again.

"There he goes again . . ." muttered Sandrock, "Zero One, state problem."

Wing ignored Sandrock, and continued to pace purposely . . . its head turned . . . walked over with direction . . . it focused on something to the side . . . ambled sorta . . . then slowed to a stop. Staring at a Leo bent over at the midsection, not in use. Wing forgot completely about where it was going and walked back to the Leo. 

"He's not . . ." Lady Une murmured as Wing tilted its head.

"He is!" Duo ran forward, and sniggered gleefully as Wing straightened again.

"He's not!" Treize growled as Wing started to step backwards.

"Oh, yes he is!!" Duo crowed, as the massive Gundam ran forward. The Leo sailed through the air with the greatest of ease before exploding in a bright gold and orange bloom of fire. Wing landed gracefully, and tilted its head to the next Leo, hunger for another kick almost plain in its intense gaze. Just as Wing stepped back, there was a bright whip of light, and the next Leo was throw in the air, a black and gold leg came out of nowhere and kicked the Leo out of range. 

Wing looked at Deathscythe as it hovered slightly and turned off its beam scythe before touching the ground. 

"Insane." Treize growled, twenty minutes later, "Utterly insane . . . what are they up to now?"

"Destroying this base's compliment of Leos . . ." Lady Une deadpanned, "I assume they'll be staring on our Aries next."

Duo was having a laughing fit as both Deathscythe and Wing took turns at kicking the lined up Leos, Quatre had covered his face, and was trying – in vain – to not laugh so loudly, and tried –in vain – to maintain a perfectly dignified expression, Trowa dipped his head and sighed, folding his arms utterly unaware he was mimicked Sandrock perfectly. Wufei growled and pushed past Heero and Duo to yell, "Nataku!!" He gestured wildly at his Gundam, "Dishonour!"

"And a pox on your family!!" Duo gasped as he fell to the floor, kicking and laughing so hard, he had to hold his sides. Heero growled and knelt by the braided boy, and grabbed his plait. "This is not funny, Duo!"

Duo calmed down to a point where he could stare at Heero. Just as he opened his mouth, the ground shook in a regular pattern. Duo's face crumpled as he realised it was Nataku running along, Heero rolled his eyes as there was a loud explosion, and Duo flopped back onto the ground, rolled onto his stomach and laughed his head off again.

Later that night . . .

_Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump. . ._

"I wonder what Wing's found now . . ." Quatre murmured as he watched Wing, the only really awake one, run back to the small group of Gundams, it was the fifth time in as many hours the youngest seeming of the Gundams had been off on another excursion. Wing had temporarily used most of its fuel in its rockets and was having to rely on running back and fourth. Trowa sighed and shook his head as Wing opened its hands to reveal a small crate of something. "I dunno. . ."

As it turned out, Wing had Duo's personality, mixed with Heero's lost child self and single-mindedness. The first Gundam was curious about everything that wasn't strictly mission related, and had been caught more than once dragging one or two of the others off to see what was too heavy to carry, or brought it back to show to the others, persisting in an answer every time. 

Deathscythe had taken to Heero's personality, mixed with Duo's intensive fighting skill, he was the one that seemed to grab the back of Wing's head every time the Winged Gundam got on his nerves. Even then, Deathscythe seemed a little lenient with Wing, tolerating Wing to a point, just as Duo had ordered.

ShenLong, or Nataku –as that was the only name it answered to – was just like Quatre, and while it was intent on keeping the peace amongst the various Gundams, Nataku mostly keeping to itself in the mean time. In fact, it had sat down, in the afternoon, and actually held a conversation, admittedly a slight strained and limited conversation, with Wufei about Honour and Justice, and other such important things.

Sandrock was revealed to have Trowa's personality, with Quatre's insatiable desire to help, a strange combination which even Lady Une – Miss Split Personality – had to admit was whacked out. Trowa's icy calm was disturbing, and his silence more so. The robot was mostly silent after speaking to Quatre, besides Quatre he didn't seem inclined to talk with anyone else. 

Heavyarms was exactly like Wufei, but with more restraint over his feelings. The massive orange and white robot tended to take care of Wing in different ways, taking the short robot away from dangerous things, and ranting on other occasions about protesting animal rights, the injustice of not getting the right sized leg casings and the dishonour of having bullets left after a battle . . .

Without the memory of their past lives, nor the deep feelings that they had developed toward each other from the time before their last change, the five seemed content just to babble away in their own computerised language, and depended on Sandrock for most translations. They didn't even seem that friendly toward one another anymore, more like the pilots had been when they first met up. Although the Gundams displayed quick flashes of a deeper friendships, it was blatantly clear that their relationships, and the brotherly rivalry they once shared was, perhaps, lost to them forever . . .

_. . . Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump._

Heero growled quietly as he pushed away from the window, his Gundam acting so freely without him. It was evoking the same inexplicable feelings he felt when he exposed Duo to danger. "The Baka needs my protection." Heero growled again and stormed out, going to fetch himself something to eat . . . and check where Duo had disappeared.

_Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump. . ._

_. . . Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump. . ._

He found Duo sitting in the canteen, just watching the Gundams by himself. The braided one smiled gently as Wing ran past again, then blinked as Heero slid into the seat opposite, "Oh . . . hey," He looked around, "Didn't hear ya coming!!" Duo winked and sipped his coffee, "It's you he gets it from then, isn't it?"

_Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump. . ._

Heero's eyes narrowed as his Gundam skidded to a halt carrying more objects of his interest, "What do you mean?"

"The sneaking up on people without telling them!!" Duo grinned as Deathscythe slapped the small crate out of Wing's hand, and stamped on it. Wing glanced around distractedly as Nataku tried to explain why touching the crate of explosives was dangerous, and Deathscythe grabbed the back of the Winged Gundam's head and shook it hard.

"Duo . . ." Heero looked away from the Gundams, as Deathscythe dropped Wing again, "About earlier . . ."

The braided one snorted and chuckled, "There he goes again. . ."

_Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump. . ._

"Duo." Heero held back from growling, "About earlier."

"What of it?" Duo gestured the air, and shrugged, "You don't mind Quatre and Trowa, do you?"

"No . . ."

"Then what's the difference about me either . . . it's not like I'll pounce on you in the next mission, maul you and demand you throw me up against a wall and. . ." Cobalt blue eyes widened as Duo blushed and trailed off, "Never mind. . ."

_Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump._

Duo sighed, "Wonder what he found now. . ." Wing was carrying something smaller this time, a canister and held it up for the others to see, Duo chuckled quietly, "Kid sure is enthusiastic . . ." Heavyarms grabbed the back of Wing's head and lifted the smaller Gundam off it's feet, as Nataku grabbed the canister, and threw it as far from the base as he could, the canister exploded with some violence. Sandrock was apart from the proceedings as it watched Heavyarms hand Wing over to Deathscythe. Deathscythe started to shake Wing angrily, no doubt ranting away about how much danger the other, excitable Gundam had just put them in . . . again. Duo tutted, and reached for his radio, "Death!" He growled warningly, not noticing the searching look Heero was giving him as the stoic pilot searched his friend's face for a clue. "Play nice I said!"

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: [tiredly] Konnichiwa . . . how is everyone?

Wing: what happened to the last set of authour's notes? In fact, why haven't you updated in so long?!

DrM: [lifts head from table] mixture of lazyness, hyperactivity, and Uni work . . . [yawns and lets her head drop to the desk, muffled] and it's the last week of term . . . and I'm going home for a month . . . so, I'll be back on line on msn . . . as if anyone is interested. . .

Wing: [folds arms] how dare you be so selfish. . .

DrM: [raises head slightly, and blinks owlishly] wha. . .?

Wing: [sniffles] that would have been a perfect cue for me to insult you, but no! you never let me have any fun! [stomps his foot] I HATE YOU!! [runs to a cliff and yells out] Heeeeeeeeeeerooooooooooooo, come and pilooooooooooottttt meeeeeeee!!

. . .

DrM: [wakes up violently] WHAAGH!!

Wing: [bored, is hidden by newspaper] what?

DrM: [rubs eyes] I had a nightmare where you suddenly turned into Relena, it was terrifying!!

Wing: [lowers newspaper to reveal pink lipstick, and a blonde wig] what ever do you mean?

. . .

DrM: [wakes up even more violently] WHAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Relena: [concerned] What's wrong, Meggie-chan. . .?

DrM: [blinks rapidly, realises she's in bed with a naked, whip and handcuff whielding Relena]  .      .       .     . . . . . . . . . ARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! [gets up and runs away] AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHH!!!

"Relena": [starts pulling at rubber face mask, is revealed to be Wing in disguese] Mwha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! [louder] Mwha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!! [even louder] MWHA HA HA AHA HA HA HA HA HA!!! [tips head back and laughs even louder] _MWHA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA_!!!!! [stops laughing suddenly and stares at readers] You didn't really think I was Relena did you? [grins, and pulls at rubber face mask] well actually . . . 

. . .

DrM: [wakes up again] AH!! [Looks around the place and finds she's fallen asleep at her desk again] okay, that was weird . . . [glances at readers] Quick, review before something else . . . [glances in mirror, blinks dumbly as she realises she's turned into Relena] okay . . . I think that's enough Gundam Wing at four in the morning . . . [grins weakly to readers] please review, I'm going to go scream now. . . thanks for reading . . . hooooo, boooy . . . 


	14. Speaking In Tongues

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm,usual warnings . . . but it's not like anyone reads this bit up here anyway so . . .

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! **Both the Eypon and Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regularly . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 13: Speaking in Tongues

_Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump. _

Treize suddenly yelped as he dropped his coffee into his lap, Zechs glanced up and raised an unimpressed eyebrow, "Let me guess Wing is outside again?" He swivelled in his favourite swivelly chair and was confront by . . . yes, Wing just outside the window. Relena smiled, slightly endeared to the cuteness of the Gundam, "Yes Wing?"

If Wing could smile, he probably would be beaming proudly, as he confidently announced, ". . . Why?"

Relena blinked and smiled with a big frozen smile, "Why what?"

If Wing could frown, he would probably be frowning in confusion. 

_Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump. _

Treize gingerly wiped himself down, "Why, oh, why?"

"That's what Wing was asking . . ." Relena sat down, and sipped at her coffee, "I wonder why?"

Noin yawned, "And it can't wait until morning?" She lifted a microphone and flicked a switch so her voice could be heard around the base, "Yuy and Maxwell, report back to the Control Tower, Wing is asking strange questions." She yawned again and let her head slump to the table with a dull thud. Zechs winced, as Noin let out a muffled, "Ow."

They had all been up, so late at night, and even though Treize was complaining like there was no tomorrow, all had to admit, this first night of observations was very important to them. It was a chance to see how the Gundams were taking to everything.

_Tup-tup-tup._

"Trowa?" Quatre murmured and motioned behind his friend. Trowa looked up to find Heavyarms standing outside the window, Wing standing just behind him. Trowa quirked his lips, and walked over. He pulled the window open and leaned out slightly, "Yes, Heavyarms?"

He hadn't talked that much to Heavyarms and so knew that the gold and orange robot would probably be as limited in speaking as he himself was. 

"Zero One asked a question . . . was it incorrect?"

Trowa quirked his lips again, a small Trowa smile. "Not really . . . we just don't know what he wants to know."

Heavyarms tilted its head, "I see . . ." The robot straightened, and went to talk to Wing. In the meantime, Heero followed Duo along the corridor, still rewinding what he had said in the canteen. It wasn't possible . . . he rolled his shoulders slightly, he meant, it was possible that he wanted to hear more of what Duo 'wasn't' going to do to him on their next—he snapped out of the thoughts and hurried through the door.

"What's going on?" Duo asked, handing Wufei's tea to him. 

The black haired boy nodded his thanks, and indicated out the window, "Wing just came up to the window and asked, 'why?' . . ."

"Why what?"

"We don't know. . ." Wufei raised an amused eyebrow, "That's what we're trying to figure out. . ."

Heavyarms turned, "You asked earlier about why Pilot Zero Two is Pilot Zero One's favourite pilot . . ."

"So?" Treize asked from the back, he refused to get up until he got new jodhpurs on. Heavyarms tilted his head.

"Why?"

"Why did we ask?" Trowa expanded the question, Heavyarms made a motion of understanding, Trowa continued, "Because it seems odd to us that you note this."

Wing tilted its head as Heavyarms looked at it. There was a transfer of data between the two before Wing leant forward again, "Why?"

"Why does it seem odd?" Quatre caught on, he shrugged as he replied, "It just does." 

The two Gundams glanced at each other, and Heavyarms made a metallic sounding snort as Wing stood and pointed at Quatre. "Zero Four!!" Wing sounded irritated, and turned so it was still pointing, but now facing Sandrock. "Zero Four, Pilot Zero Four, perplexing this mobile suit maliciously!" Wing dropped his arms, and looked up to holler at the heavens, "Not reasonable!!"

The blue and white Gundam stomped off, leaving Heavyarms shaking his head. Sandrock rumbled up to the window, and sank to the ground with an expectant hiss of hydraulics. There was a data transfer between the two, before Sandrock glanced between the sulking Wing and Quatre, the Gundam shrugged, "You confused him again."

"It's the language barrier," Quatre sighed, "Is there any way you can download your speech patterns to the others?"

Sandrock stilled for a moment, before replying quietly, "It will take approximately twelve hours of down time." 

His pilot nodded, "That's acceptable, we'll still be here . . ."

Sandrock and Heavyarms stood, and ambled back to their fellow mobile suits. Wing bobbed around excitably and Deathscythe stood staring stonily, as they all listened to Sandrock. Nataku nodded, and glanced at Heavyarms, before looking at Wing. The Gundam continued to bob up and down, before turning back to the control tower. The pilots, OZ personal and whoever the hell just happened to be there gazed at Wing as the Gundam knelt down again, and peered in. the dull green of his eyes lit the room eerily, before the Gundam spoke, "Pilot One Three."

Silence. 

"Pilot One Three?"

Everyone gawked at the Gundam as it repeated the same designation, Duo looked around, "Who's number thirteen?"

Wing shook its head, and glanced at the displays. It nodded, and quickly the screens buzzed into life again. 

"Sir?" Treize held up a hand as an ensign turned to report to him.

"No, let me guess . . . Wing is tapping into our controls?"

"Yes sir." Treize shook his head slowly, as a recorded image suddenly filled every screen in the control tower. Duo's recorded face peered out. The pilot looked very annoyed as he suddenly yelled out, _"Hey OZ Jerk!"_

Duo chuckled and glanced over at Wing, "That really doesn't narrow it down, Wingster!" Une and Noin glared at the pilot as Wing replaced the image with a recording of a very harried looking Quatre glancing up at display with an OZ flag on it. The blonde frowned and remarked rudely, _"Scumbag."_

Eyes widened as the recorded blonde shook his head, and growled. Duo snickered, "As true as it is Wing, that doesn't do it either!"

Wing tilted its head upward for a moment, and then glanced back at its comrades. It seemed to get an idea and swung its head around, the screens blipped again, and this time Wufei appeared on the screens. Looking very red in the face, the video-Wufei spat angrily, _"TREIZE!!"_

"Oh ho . . ." Duo nodded, "That OZ jerk scumbag . . ." 

Une growled threateningly, as Treize smoothly glanced at Wing. "Yes?"

The Gundam's voice filtered in cheeringly, "past request significance of documentation regarding Pilot Zero One, cross-referenced under Significance of Pilot Zero Two in working relationship." The Winged Gundam tilted its head cutely, "Search results located."

The screens cleared, and then crackled and buzzed with Wing's expert hacking, and came to life displaying a frozen splitscreen recording. On one side there was a picture of Duo in his cockpit, and the other displayed an in-cockpit camera angle of Heero. The date was from sometime very early. . . when they had only just met. Quatre turned to the window, and nodded, "Ready!"

The conversation was from half way in, Duo was ranting as soon as the recording began.

_"HEEEEERRROOOOOO!!! I know you're there . . . I can see your Gundam . . . Right. Outside. My. Window!"_

Heero closed one eye and grimaced on his side, Duo didn't appear to notice. 

_"I understand you might have a death wish, but I don't! How could you do that to me?! Do you realise you've taken years off my life that stunt?! First you jump out of a building without a parachute, and then this?! Are you insane?! Sheesh, my heart took a pounding and here you are mister cool guy, mister I can set my leg without painkillers, mister I'm made out of gundanium!! What are you doing?!"_

_"Omae o korosu." _Heero growled, glaring at the braided one intensely.

_"Onna o Kisu . . . Ommi oh korasue . . . om-may-what?! Look, it doesn't matter, also as you keep pulling stunts like that, you do realise that one day you will kill me, right?!" _Duo growled,_ "Well, this mission sucked. . . I'm going to go get some rest, hopefully rest my poor frightened heart after the shock you put it through. Good night!"_

The splitscreen went out on Duo's side, only to be replaced by another angle of Heero. The boy raised his head, stared at the blank screen in front of him for a fraction of a second and looked down again.

"What?" Zechs muttered intrigued by the footage, "What does this show us?"

Duo appeared again, visibly shaken, and snapped,_ "Good night!"_

Once again the screen blanked and once again Heero raised his head and dipped it again.

"We still don't see it. . ." Trowa murmured, "What are you showing us?"

The footage was cut again, this time showing only the split second when Heero looked up. This time it paused with Heero staring up, it was the tiny fraction of a second again. Most stared at the picture blankly before Relena squeaked with shock, "He's smiling!!"

Seats were scrapped back as all surged forward with disbelief. There on every screen in the room Heero Yuy stared back, a fond light in his eye, and the tiniest of smiles quirking the corner of one side of his mouth. Even Heero's mouth fell open, well, his lips parted but that was enough. 

Wing bobbed from side to side, "Search Results number from Zero, Zero through to Two One. Continue with documentation?"

Duo looked down for a moment, and then stretched, "I dunno about everyone else but . . . I'm really tired . . ." The boy hooked his arms behind his head, and ambled over to the window, "Hey Wingster . . ." he leant out, and yelled up, "Go get some rest, kay, kid?" 

Wing tilted its head.

Duo grinned widely, and glanced over at his own Gundam. The dark Gundam ambled over, and leant over. "Down time required."

"Just what I was telling the Wingster," He grinned up at Wing and waved, "G'night Kid."

_"I run . . ."_

Everyone looked up as Wing played a clip of Duo. The Videoed Pilot looked out cheerfully as he spoke.

_". . . and I hide . . ."_

Only Wing and Deathscythe saw as Duo's grin steadily faded, "I'm not lying . . ." he whispered, but no-one heard. 

_"But I never lie!"_ The violet eyes of the pilot sparkled, even through the grainy image, _"Duo. Shinigami Duo Maxwell!"_

Duo's grin returned as he turned back to his friend, and yawned widely. He turned away from the window, and began to walk out the room, "Good night every one!!"

"Pilot Zero Two. Return." 

Heero glanced up as his Gundam tapped the windows, "Pilot Zero Two." He looked back at the door, Duo was gone and he wasn't going to come back. He sighed and shook his head, as Deathscythe picked Wing up by the back of his head, and proceeded to walk back to the others. The group of people were left to mull over what they had seen as Sandrock's voice barked icily, "ZERO TWO!! RELEASE ZERO ONE!!"

Treize sat up in his bed, and yawned. 

He got up and walked to his window, and blinked. Ranks of Aries and Leos were bent over at the mid section undisturbed or kicked. His base looked intact and running as normal. He raised a suspicious eyebrow and glanced over to where the Gundams had been the night before. 

They weren't there.

He blinked, and glanced over at his uniform. The trousers were gleaming white. He glanced at his desk. A cup of coffee steamed away happily. He spun suddenly and looked out the window. No Wing with its face pressed against the building. Treize let out a sigh, "Thank god it was all just a dream. . ."

He whistled cheerfully as he pulled on his boxer briefs, then his gleaming white jodhpurs, tucked in his shirt, and pulled on his jacket. He clipped his cape thingy into place, and lifted his porcelain cup of coffee. Grinned, he savoured the smell of the crushed beans and the fragrance of the hot liquid. "Mmm . . ." he closed his eyes and paced slowly to the window, to watch his brilliant military. "I love the smell of coffee early in the morning . . ."

His sky blue eyes opened slowly. 

The gel green eyes of Deathscythe stared back . . . albeit upside down. The massive Gundam was on the roof, hanging upside down and peering in. 

Treize blinked . . .

. . . Deathscythe would have blinked . . . if a Gundam could have . . . but he didn't so  instead he chose to yell . . .

"I SENSE YOUR ENVY OF MY NECK!!"

"YEEEEEEARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Outside, Ensign Saratone winced as first the Gundam and then his commanding officer's voice pierced the silence.

He glanced down at the note in his hand, the one warning His Excellency that the Gundams were on the roof, and not the tarmac, and crumpled it. He sighed and walked back to his station.

"There is no justice."

Treize walked stiffly into the control room. He sat down gingerly next to a rather tired looking Zechs. The Lightning Baron nodded slowly, "There has never been any justice . . ."

"But that's not the point; I'm a nice guy." Treize pointed to Zechs, "You're a nice guy; we're both really nice guys, why is this happening to us?" He pointed out the window, where the five Gundams were now stationed. Heavyarms, and Nataku were carrying Wing, who still appeared to be asleep, "We are just two nice guys who happen to want to take over the world. . . what the hell have we done to warrant this kind of treatment?!!"

Zechs shook his head, "I hear you. . ." he sighed, "Just no room left in this world for two megalomaniac visionaries. . ."

"There is no justice." 

"There has never been any justice. . ." Wufei sighed as he slipped into his seat, opposite the two OZ commanding officer, "If there was we would have never had to take up the fight against you . . ."

"Or indeed there wouldn't be any envy in the world . . ." Marvin, who'd accompanied Howard. The young engineer, held up a finger and started to talk, despite the fact it was becoming increasingly clear, with the exception of Ensign Saratone (who listened with rapt attention and even started to take notes) absolutely no one else was listening or indeed even interested in the engineer's opinion. He carried on regardless, "If there was justice, the ever man would be nice and equal, but then that would be very boring, but everything would be fair and equal, and no one would be envy of possession or other people's bodies . . . stuff like that I mean absolutely no one would turn around and say 'I envy you . . . this world your about to step into', like Captain Picard did in Star Trek VIII: First Contact did . . . it would be more like, 'I don't envy you because we are fair and equal', do you know what I mean?!" No one answered, so he took that as a resounding 'yes' and continued, "I mean . . . take the Gundams for instance. . . they have envy of our bodies, but they translate this into suspicious almost paranoid feelings . . ."

Heero glanced up at the five-way split screen the Gundams had provided, about their statuses. It resembled a life support machine, and showed the five power levels of each Gundam. It was install sometime late the other night, and was actually very helpful because it lit up the corresponding screen as each Gundam spoke. Heero nodded as he noted his Gundam wasn't entirely as asleep as he appeared to be, more like Wing was processing information while down timing. Relena sighed and pressed her hand against her cheek, "And look at him. . . he's so cute!" She pouted slightly as she added, "Even if he had Maxwell's personality . . ."

As she spoke, Wing's dimmed lights brightened, and the *energetic* Gundam awoke. It turned in a full circle noting the three of the others were still fast asleep. The Gundams 'slept' when they weren't in use, or when they were apparently keeping Wing in check.

Wing swivelled his head around as if he had never seen the base before in his life. Treize buried his face in his hands, "I bet he'll do it all over again . . . as if his memory has been wiped completely . . ."

Wing stomped over to the control tower, and knelt down quickly, positioning himself so he could see easily into the control tower. "Sir?" Ensign Saratone called out, taking a moment to look up from his notes of Marvin's lecture on Envy and it's various evils, "The Gundam's—"

"Hacking into our systems?"

"Yes, sir. . . he's downloading some information and printing it!" There was the noise of ripping, and the ensign ran over with a long roll of paper. Treize glanced at it blankly, "This means . . . absolutely nothing to me. . ." he handed to Zechs, "You?"

Zechs shook his head and passed it to Heero, "what does your Gundam want?"

Heero took the paper, and began to read it, padding toward the window at the same time. He slid open the window and sat on the sill, reading and occasionally glancing at his Gundam. Duo fidgeted as Heero continued to read, "What's going on?"

Shrugs were about when Heero started to nod. "Hn." He grunted, "Very good." He nodded, "I'm . . ." 

And then it happened. 

Heero Yuy looked up from the report, and stared fondly at his Gundam. Wing's head tilted adorably, as Heero smiled broadly at him.

". . . I'm very impressed, Zero One. . . well done. . ."

Wing stared at him blankly before a communication channel flew open. . . and then closed . . . and then opened again . . . and closed . . . and . . .

"What?" Heero tilted his head, a gentle smile lighting his normally solemn features, he half shrugged as he gazed from the paper to his Gundam again, "you've done a good job . . . and frankly . . ." he glanced at his Gundam, "you're my Gundam, I should hardly expect less from you . . ."

. . .and opened and closed and opened, and then closed completely. Wing jumped to his feet and tilted his head back. "Pilot . . ."

Heero blinked as Wing's voice, hushed and hesitant, filled the room.

"Pilot Zero One. Status. . . received . . ." 

Heero watched his Gundam, then nodded, "I understand." He smiled again, "thank you."

Wing stood and stumbled back slightly, before bobbing a bow, and flying back to the others. He waved up at Deathscythe as the massive black and gold Gundam landed and was dragged over to the other by a very excited Wing. Relena staggered forward, and pouted at her boyfriend, "you never smile for me like that!"

Heero blinked, his normal expression sliding back into place as he held up the roll of paper, "you've never given me sixty-three thousand, eight hundred and forty seven ways of blowing up a single OZ base before."

Une ran forward and grabbed the paper, and growled, "you're telling me that innocent Gundam act was all—"

"A recognisance mission?!" Duo exclaimed, he stood and slammed his hands on the table, "all this time, your Gundam's been playing like a kid, it's been gathering information?!"

Heero nodded, "pretty much so."

The OZ officers growled, as the Gundam pilots clapped. "Now that's very impressive!!" Duo crowed, he walked over to the window to see Wing babbling to his fellow Gundams about the achievement. "Makes me think though. . ."

"God, no." Wufei chucked in good-naturedly.

Duo ignored him and continued, "if Wing was distracting us maybe?"

"Preventing us from seeing the true version of his mission, so he could gather information in peace. . ." Trowa murmured, he folded his arms and nodded, "you're right. . . are they really as naïve as we thought?"

The next few days saw the Gundams slowly learning to speak. 

Sandrock had copied and downloaded all his speech patterns to the others, and they were slowly learning to adapt it to their new personalities. Duo sat in Wing one rainy afternoon. The two were becoming close, and work was being done on Deathscythe. Wing hummed quietly in the background, something sweet and religious. 

"I didn't think you were religious. . ." Duo glanced up from his clipboard, he sighed. "I haven't heard this song in years . . ."

"Hmm. It's a beautiful aria, I can understand why you like it . . . I like it lots."

"You like it a lot." Duo corrected, "ya gotta talk in proper grammar around Heero . . . you know that . . ."

"Yeah, but you with I, I can. . . chill right?"

Duo chuckled, "sure . . ."

"Pilot Zero Two . . . may I . . ." Wing paused as if searching for the right words. "May I intrude on a personal question?"

"Huh?"

"I mean . . . may I ask upon you privacy?"

Duo shook his head, "I don't get it . . . are you wanting to ask a personal question or do you wanna apologise for intruding on my privacy?"

"The first one . . . may I ask a difficult question . . .?" Wing paused again, "I am curious. . . but will understand if answering is a difficult concept. . ."

"Ask away . . . I'll decide if I answer or not. . ." he waved his hand absently, "shoot."

". . . At what?"

Duo blinked and looked up at the innocent question, before dissolving into chuckles.

"Do you remember a time when you fell in love?"

Sandrock hummed quietly, before deigning to answer. "What do you mean, Quatre?"

"Do you remember a time when you felt an emotion for another one of the Gundams?" Quatre didn't look up from his screwdriver, even though he was dying to look up at the monitors, and look at his Gundam. Sandrock retained the ability to project his image as a digital picture. Quatre had discovered recently that Sandrock was copying this software and working on installing it in the others. He'd also discovered that while he and Trowa were beginning to explore their new relationship, his Gundam had been robbed of his love for Heavyarms. 

For a brief moment, it occurred to Quatre that with Trowa's personality, Sandrock could be reflecting Trowa's true feelings. . . hence the delicate questioning he embarked on today. 

"An emotion . . .?" Sandrock's voice sounded lost. "Love? Perhaps . . ."

Quatre swallowed, "do you want to talk about it?"

"There is no way he could ever . . . I do remember . . . it is so faint, like it was another engine overhaul ago . . ." Quatre looked up, his Gundam had folded his arms, and was leant to one side as if in pain. His eyes were closed, as he spoke faintly. "I felt . . ." the pilot couldn't help but feel the sadness overwhelm his Gundam. Sandrock's features turned as if pained. "Warmth . . . security . . ."

Quatre reached up to the panel and stroked his fingers lightly over the light crystals. "Sandrock . . ." 

"What . . ." Sandrock's eyes slowly opened, "what happened to us? . . . we are missing a piece of our memories . . ."

He felt his shoulders slump, as he nodded. Quatre sighed, "you don't seem to remember before you came here . . . when the scientist made their first set of changes to you . . ."

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: [holds up 'v'] Yo minna-chan!! Gomen, Gomen for taking so dang long, but to be honest the last few weeks have been hard . . . I've moved back with my parents for the hols, and so had to get a partime job at the local hardware store . . . Wickes . . . the birthplace of Grace. . .

Grace Megalomania: [pops up again] Thank you for calling Wickes, I'm Grace, how can I help you today?

DrM: [eyetwitch]

Grace: [fake-concern] Oh . . . your bathroom fittings didn't arrive?

DrM: [growls]

Grace: [sympathetic]  if you don't mind holding the line for a moment, I'll try and track them down for you . . .

DrM: [waits until Grace as wondered off, before picking up phone] Hi, please don't think we understand . . . we do . . . we just don't care . . . go get a life, Do-it-Yourself-loving SCUM!! [turnas back to readers] What? I hate stupid people . . . well, QOVAD, I hope I answered your challenge good enough . . . bring 'em on! I can take a challenge or two!!

Wing: [rolls eyes] do you even remember that you're supposed to remind them to review? [sighs] please review as DrM has entered into a state of mind where she fails to realise that she's supposed to beg for your recognition. . . Gundammit, please recognise her. . . please!! Make her stop the madness!! 


	15. The Whereabouts of Sanity

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm,usual warnings . . . but it's not like anyone reads this bit up here anyway so . . .

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! **Both the Eypon and Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regularly . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

- Thanks go out to D.I. Angel for Zechs' little tirade . . . it's just something she wrote in a review that just gave me inspiration. And before I forget, Thanks also go out to Queen of Vegetasei for something else, something for the ending (yup, the ending is in sight!!) but I can't reveal anything just yet! Clow'd9 also gets thanks for keeping me enthusiastic, QOVAD for having some fun with me and Blue gets a whole round of applause and a standing O because she's really a brilliant beta reader, who puts up with my last minute changes, my terrible spelling, my midnight phone calls and 3am text messages with plot ideas and my little tantrums . . . any mistakes you find are NOT because she missed 'em, but because I made a last minute change before I posted it. Generally, I go back and correct the mistakes after I finish the fic, but until then please do have some patience with me. 

Also: warning for some cussing of the religious nature . . . I say this all the time, and it amuses my housemates when they hear it . . . but there may be some people easily offended . . . sorry, please don't kill me. 

Chapter 14: The Whereabouts of Sanity

"I think we should just completely re-render their memory banks and completely restart them . . . just wipe it all out so we can start again . . . this is just a step back; it's not helping us at all!"

"We can't do that!! They have feelings now! They have thoughts, Heero, they can independently move!! It should be left up to them if they wish to be killed—"

"I wouldn't say we would be killing them, Quatre."

"Trowa! I would have thought with your feelings about animals, you'd be the first to leap to their defence!!"

"Yeah! The Q-man's right on this one! We can't just kill them, guys that would be murder now! They're intelligent life forms!"

"Just because they can chatter like chimps, and are overly hyper-active doesn't mean they are intelligent. . . I mean, Maxwell here does all of those things, and I don't class him as intelligent . . ."

"Funny, Wuffers . . . real funny, let's see how funny you are when I shove this coffee cup up your little scientist nose and make you hurl up those mushy green you ate for dinner, shall we?!"

"Don't make threats you have no hope of seeing through, Maxwell. Besides, this warrior will regurgitate no peas. It would be dishonourable to the peas. I will regurgitate no peas!"

". . . Gee thanks, Wu . . . I didn't need to eat for the next few days . . . seriously . . ."

"That's not the point you guys!" 

Quatre flopped back on his bed, they had been arguing around in circles in the dark for hours now. The five pilots shared a small trainees' dormitory, and it had become their impromptu boardroom, as they felt safe here away from OZ . . . no matter how much those Scumbags told them they had a ceasefire, the pilots chose not to be too lax around them. There were two bunks and a single, the single was under the massive window, and the two bunks lined against the walls. Everything was a distinct grey, leading Duo to suppose that OZ spent what little Heero left in their accounts after his hacking jobs on the decoration of the prison cells . . . Quatre pointed out that the cells were always black and dark . . . which Duo countered with a wide grin saying that at least their enemy had some taste in colours . . .

Anyway, they were arguing about whether or not it was ethical to remove the Gundams' new programming. After all, the new programming had lead the Gundams to lose their previous friendships, their previous . . . Quatre closed his eyes in the dark and swallowed, their previous relationships. Sandrock was shocked when Quatre told him about their past lives. There was a brief moment when Sandrock mourn this, but he – like Trowa- quickly shuttered up this emotion and buried it. //probably to take out and examine when he is alone// Quatre groused to himself, irritated that one of Trowa's more exasperating traits where he'd only allow his façade to break down when in private had been passed to his Gundam. But just because his Gundam had inherited this Quatre saw no reason to kill his Gundam. Maybe it would be better this way . . . so he'd have some friction with his Gundam . . .

Friction . . . while Quatre was worrying whether it was healthy for his Gundam to retreat from his feelings; Duo worried about the kind of friction there would be between his Gundam and himself. Duo was worried that his buddy would ignore him now, like Heero did all the time to him. However Duo knew that he couldn't just eliminate his buddy just because he ignored Duo sometimes . . . hey, that would be like shooting Heero in the back of the head, just because the damned laptop got most of the dark haired teen's attention. In many ways Heero was more like the Gundams now than the Gundams were . . . he was a cold, mean, fighting machine made out the most indestructible substance known to man kind . . . well, he sure as hell wasn't made of diamond, but gundamnium was close enough right?

Duo snickered out loud.

"What are you laughing at now?"

Wufei frowned as Duo murmured that it was nothing, and turned back to his internal thinking. Wufei wasn't complete against destroying the new programming, but he wasn't completely for it either. He liked having Nataku answer back, but now his Gundam had changed personalities from his own to Winner's, Wufei wasn't so sure any more that he wanted his rants contested and dealt with in such a business-like manner, or being reassured with that soft tone that Winner often used. It just wasn't justice. Of course having Winner was better than having Maxwell any day, but the ideal situation would be having the old style of programming again. He wanted Nataku to talk, but he also wanted Nataku to understand him as well. Wufei growled and rolled over.

Trowa stared in the vague direction of the top bunk, as Wufei's shuffling made the bedsprings squeak uneasily. He sighed, and folded his arms behind his head, he – like the others – was also thinking deeply about the situation, about his Gundam, Heavyarms, and the arguments that had been presented. He preferred the Heavyarms of old, this new Heavyarms was too self contained, consistently blowing up about minor things and didn't remember anything about the love that he once held for his fellow Gundam, Sandrock. This was a disappointment, because Trowa found that Heavyarms was able to give him plenty of advice when it came to dealing with Quatre, because the two Gundams had been in a relationship a lot longer than Trowa had even considered. This new Heavyarms was far too selfish for Trowa's liking and he wished that the Scientists had never laid a finger or screwdriver on his beloved Gundam. Trowa sighed, and tiled his head so he could look out the window, and noticed Heero was sitting up in his bed.

Heero had taken the single, just because he felt happier in single beds. The idea of being in a bed that could either potential crush you, or crush the person below you had never really appealed to him so he had strode straight into the room and taken the single under the window. He was sat up and leant his forearm on the windowsill. He rested his chin on the well-toned limbs. 

You'd think he – as the perfect solider – was contemplating what to do next in this situation. Or perhaps, he would be strategising his next argument so to effectively render any counter-argument Duo or Quatre made completely worthless. Or even, how he considered his relationship with Wing to be now that the Gundam was possessed by Duo's personality and was infuriatingly cute in his pursuit of knowledge . . .

But no.

The Perfect Soldier was wondering what the hell else Duo would have said had he not lost his nerve. // It's not like I'll pounce on you in the next mission, maul you and demand you throw me up against a wall and. . .// the words rattled around his mind maddeningly. //And? And what?// he squinted as he stared hard at his Gundam. Wing was sitting on the ground, leant against Deathscythe's leg, holding a half exploded Aries' head casing protectively as if it was some sort of peculiar teddy bear. Heero wasn't that worried about the Gundam; Wing was bright and intelligent . . . yet somehow it . . . it hurt that Wing and Deathscythe didn't realise that they used to be very much in love. It hurt that rather than respond to the clumsy cuddles, Deathscythe chose to ignore Wing. It hurt to know that Wing couldn't tell Deathscythe casually that he loved him. Heero shifted his focus to the glass of window, and stared at the refection of the long length of braid that hung from the top bunk behind him. 

And maybe somewhere it hurt that he couldn't hear how three loving words sounded coming from his voice, in tones that actually suggested he meant them . . .

The braid swung as the owner turned over, soft snoring issuing from that bunk that caressed his trained ear delicately.

. . . or that he might never know what Duo's fantasy involved him doing.

Heero shifted and lay down in his bed again, throwing one arm over his eyes and falling into a deep dream where he threw Duo against a wall and the lithe boy demand that he . . .

Zechs sighed.

And then he sighed a little louder. 

He folded his arms and glared at the foot of his bed and let out an explosive sigh.

Then he sighed a tiny little sigh, which sent his platinum bangs tickling his forehead.

"Why so grim, Zechs?"

He looked up at Noin as she slid into the bed beside him. They were sharing a dorm room, far from the Gundams in case Wing discovered their room and decided to wake them up to see what happened. Zechs set his mask down on the table between their two bunks, and sighed deeply again. "It's just . . ." He sighed again as he confessed, "So boring . . . I mean, without the Gundams to terrorise us, and us retaliating and trying to find new and exciting ways of stopping the Gundam menace I just feel . . ." he looked off, his light blue eyes seemingly dull, almost on the verge of tears with his deep boredom. "I just feel as if I'm just here to stand there and look pretty . . ." he lifted morose eyes to Noin, "Am I? Am I really just here to stand there and look pretty? Is that the grand purpose of my life, just to stand there next to Treize and look pretty?" 

Noin shook her head, "Of course not, it's because you're really good at what you do!"

"But what if what I do, what I'm best at is standing there and looking pretty?!" Zechs cried out neurotically, he shook his thin, pale hands out at her, "What am I supposed to tell my grandchildren in the future when they ask what I did in the wars?!!" He scoffed, and tossed his pale blonde bangs in the air with irritation, "Oh, I just stood there and looked pretty!! Noin!! Answer me!! AM I REALLY JUST HERE TO STAND THERE AND LOOK PRETTY?!"

Noin gasped as Zechs flung himself onto her bed, and sobbed in her lap. She consoled him slowly, as the Lightning Baron poured out his insecurities about his dashing looks and his worth as an OZ soldier . . .

Treize sighed as Zechs' voice rang out.

"What's his problem?" Une growled quietly as she looked up from her laptop. He and Une were also sharing a dorm room, for the same reason as Zechs and Noin. He supposed it would have been the more gentlemanly thing to let the two women share while he and Zechs roughed it out together in the room next door . . . but Treize knew Zechs too well, and had seen this emotional breakdown well in advance. So he batted his pretty eyelids at Lady Une and the woman had insisted on sharing the room with him so she could be at his beck and call . . . Treize smirked to himself, he loved him lots. Not only could he stand there and look pretty, he was also pretty damn smart. 

Une was typing away at her laptop, as she sat up in bed. Her hair was down but the glasses were still in place so Zechs wasn't about to get a visit from the concerned and reassuring half of the good lady tonight . . . maybe from the hardened commandant of OZ if he continued this level of noise, but other than that it was tough cookies for ol' Zechsy The Ever Sexy.  

Treize strode away from the window, unimpressed with the view. It reminded him of his college days when he used to stare out and see nothing but straight into the Girls' Shower Rooms, because his room was at that prefect angle which for some unknown reason managed to defy the frosting in those shower room window glass. While for perhaps some red-blooded boys who hadn't quite seen the light or the sheer beauty and inspiration of a stellar view, Treize found himself unimpressed by withering female bodies, soapy and wet under hot sprays. Not to say that Treize didn't appreciate the naked human form, it was just he preferred to see it when it was either tastefully sculptured or laid out before him in a seductive pose, illuminated by soft candle light. 

. . . Yeah, he got plenty of strange looks when he told people too.

Anyway, the view he got from this room wasn't exactly the best thing he had ever seen. In fact it just plain . . . he frowned as he couldn't find any better word to describe it other than 'sucky'. He made a mental note to avoid Wing Gundam and that Maxwell boy. He sighed and slipped into bed, lying back against headboard and pulled up his book. He was reading a famous pre-colony book, written by a woman who truly understood the human condition. Her keen observations and her remarkable stories never ceased to amaze him. He reflected that the five main characters from the book reminded him a lot of the five pilots. 

Lady Une glanced at the cover of Treize's book as her computer began its shut down procedure. //The Famous Five?!// She felt her eye twitch, and shook her head. "Commander?"

"Hmm?" Treize hummed as he turned the page, "Yes, my dear Lady?"

"What if we take the programming that the scientists developed, and use it on our own suits?" Lady Une pondered, she made a motion with her hand, "Because it might be beneficial to us if our mobile suits could talk and relay information to the pilot too . . ."

"Now, see we tried this once." Treize pouted, and put down his book, "Remember the ZERO system?"

She nodded.

"Remember where that got us?"

She shook her head.

Treize winced, of course she didn't remember because she'd been in a coma. "Hmm . . ." he hummed, "Well let's just say . . . you know that blonde pilot?"

"Quatre Winner?" Une's brows knitted, "Zero Four?"

He nodded slowly.

"What of him?"

"Did you hear about the pilot who went crazy and blew up one colony, made good progress on another and almost killed two other Gundam pilots before he was subdued?"

Une blinked. "No way . . ."

Treize nodded solemnly. "That's why we don't try and use any of the Scientists' technology any more . . . it's crap . . ." he picked up his book and added quickly, "But that doesn't prevent us from taking the idea and running with it . . ." He nodded, as Une pulled out her laptop again, "Indeed . . . this is an idea I wouldn't mind stealing at all . . ."

"Heero!!"

The door slammed open and the five pilots rolled out of bed instantly training their guns on the intruder. Relena gasped with shock, she was dressed in a flimsy pink thingy which she no doubt thought was very sexy despite having a very childish collar. Heero blinked as briefly the little girl and the damned puppy clouded his vision. Beside him, Duo swore coarsely prompting Relena to sniff haughtily. "Such language in front of a lady!"

Duo, grumpy and sleepy, snapped back. "Well, maybe when she arrives I'll apologise to her!"

Relena gasped again, as the braided boy pushed passed her and stormed out of the room. Quatre - ever the peacemaker - put his gun back into its holster under his pillow, and ran after Duo. He gave her a very curt nod as he passed her, almost rude for him. Trowa padded silently after Quatre, slipping his gun into his ankle holster that he'd worn to bed. He gave Heero a short apologetic look as he rounded the corner. Wufei glanced between the door, and Heero. The blue eyed boy was giving him the clearest expression of 'You leave me alone with her and I will kill you until you die from it', but then – he glanced at the blue eyed girl who was openly hinting to Heero with her eyes (making it look like she was having a blinking fit) that he was supposed to get rid of his fellow pilot. Wufei bit his lip and edged toward the door. "You know how much I care about . . . erm . . ." he stammered, "Well, actually I'm really quite hungry . . . so . . . I'll erm . . . uh, I'd better get to that cafeteria before all those OZ scum get there . . . so . . ." Wufei winced as he stubbed his toe on the doorframe. "You want anything Heero? No? okay, bye-bye!!"

//Kisama!!// Heero growled mentally as Wufei ran away. He glared at Relena, who was coming in an alarming proximity to touching him. "Oh Heero! Did you hear him?!" She threw herself into his arms, "Heero, did you hear what that Maxwell said to me?!"

Heero pushed her away from him, "Relena. It's very early in the morning. Is there a point to this?"

Relena blinked up at him owlishly, "You don't care that he insulted me like that?"

Heero pursed his lips and remained silent. 

She sniffled as she sat on his bed, "Well . . . if you must know I've been thinking . . ."

//I thought I could smell smoke. . .// Heero blinked, the mental voice was quiet and teasing, and sounded very much like his best friend, Duo. He suppressed a snicker as she continued unaware.

". . . And I've come to the conclusion that while Wing is a very sweet individual, his personality should be changed." 

Heero blinked.

Relena looked up at him, "Well . . . I'm perfectly willing to become the template for all of the new Gundams so you can---"

"Oh, dear sweet mother of bejeezus naked tap dancing Christ on a pogo stick singing 'oh my darlin' clementine'. . . HELL NO!!" Duo roared from the doorway. The four other pilots had returned to hear Relena's most . . . uh, generous offer. Relena stood and clamped herself to Heero's arm. She looked almost tragic had it not been for her cheeks flaming bright red and her eyes narrowing as she hissed, "Heh, I didn't expect you to have any common sense about the matter!" She sniffed, "if my personality was in place instead of yours, Heero's Gundam wouldn't run around the place like an imbecile."

"Now, see here! Quatre stepped forward, "you can't talk to Duo like that!"

"Yeah!" Wufei rallied unhelpfully, "only I'm allowed to do that!"

Duo trembled, and held up a hand. "Guys it's okay, let her . . ." he stepped forward, so he could face Relena. "What's your problem with me? Okay, ever since we met you've always had something against me! Even when I saved your life from Heero, you've never thanked me . . . anybody else probably woulda turned around and said, hey like thanks . . . you didn't need to do that, but thanks anyway . . ." he shook his head, and Heero could genuinely see pain in his eyes. "But not you . . . in fact, you've never referred to me by anything but my surname . . . you'll call Wufei by his name, you'll call Quatre by his name . . . Trowa never talks to you, so I don't know what you call him . . . but me?!"

Duo's voice had steadily increased in volume, and soon many people were gathered around. Well, by many people I mean, Treize, Une, Noin, Zechs – who was still sniffling – Howard – who was vocally encouraging his L2 friend – and Ensign Saratone and Marvin, Howard's engineer . . . who both look suspiciously rumpled, as if they'd tripped over one another into a broom closet. 

Duo paid no attention as he continued to question Relena. "What have I done to offend you so much? Was it because I shot Heero? Or is it because I saved you? Is it because I fight in this war? Or is it because—"

"Because you're just some street kid!!" Relena tossed her head up, and unlatched herself from Heero. "You are nothing like Heero, you're just some urchin they pulled off the streets to fill a gap . . ." she motioned to his friends, and fellow pilots, "Look at them, they are all men of stature . . . their families are some of the most powerful in the earth sphere . . . and Heero here may have had a tragic past but he has ascended from that like a phoenix, to become a true knight!" Relena growled contemptuously, "and you have the audacity to call yourself a god!!" 

Duo's shoulder slumped. Quatre shook his head and reached forward, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder, "Miss Peacecraft, you've got no right . . ."

Relena drew a breath, "I have every right . . . You shouldn't question my rights . . . what right does he have to call himself a god of death?!"

A pale hand reached up and pulled Quatre's from his shoulder, Duo drew his head up and nodded. He stared at Relena, "that's why?" 

She nodded, her eyes still narrowed. "Every other pilot is serious about his duty . . . fights with all his honour, and never complains . . . you . . ." she snorted, "you hardly have any education, decorum . . . I know about you laughing over the radio when you fight, the way you mess about as if it's some kind of game . . . you've got no right to call yourself a pilot, let alone a god!"

"That's the way it is, huh?" Duo stepped back and took a deep, slow bow. He straightened, and looked at Heero. "Guess I won't be propping up your buffet table after all huh?" Duo turned, and started out of the room. He nodded to his friends as he passed them, and tapped a finger against his brow as he muttered to Zech, Noin, and Treize, "See you on the battlefield sometime . . ."

Duo paused in the doorway, and looked back. His jester's mask firmly in place. 

"See ya around, guys . . . me and my buddy gotta do some talkin'. . ."

"Duo!" Quatre called out, "Stop . . . I'll come—"

"Nah, 's'okay Q . . ." Duo grinned, "I've gotta do it myself . . ." he made eye contact with Heero for a moment, before stepping out of the room. Heero's jaw was so tensed up; it looked like someone had wired his jaw shut. "Relena . . ."

"I must say," Relena began, "that I've never had to be that blunt but that Maxwell—"

"Relena. Be quiet."

She blinked and looked up at her knight in shining armour to find him glowering at her. "Why did you say that?" Heero ground out, "Why did you treat him like that?!"

"Because I'm right!"

"Miss Peacecraft." Quatre turned to her, the formality barely covering the ice in his voice, "That was wholly uncalled for. You are right about many things, the need for peace, the need for mankind to disarm . . . but over this you're are completely wrong. . ."

Wufei was slightly less than pleasant as he swore at her in Chinese, and turned on Heero, "Well? Aren't you supposed to go after him?!" Heero's eyes turned blank as the boy obviously didn't understand. Wufei slapped his forehead. . . and then walked over and slapped Yuy's for good measure, "Yuy, haven't you ever noticed that *you* are the only one Duo actually respects as a peer?! You're the only one he ever listens to . . ." the Chinese pilot pointed out the door, "Now go after him!"

Howard ran over to the window as a bright orange glow filled the room. "Too late . . ." he called back. Deathscythe was powered up and flying off already. Wing woke up suddenly, and looked up as the massive dark Gundam began to take off. The blue and white, winged Gundam glanced over at the base before jumping up and trying to grab Deathscythe's ankle. The dark Gundam kicked Wing's hand away, and spread its massive wings.

Heero watched with a sinking feeling as Deathscythe disappeared over the horizon. 

Meanwhile . . .

"I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny, and when a girl walk with an itty, bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get---"

"You dirty old man, cut it out!"

Professor G crowed as he watched the women's volleyball tournament, he sipped at his drink and sat back. "I love life . . ." he blinked and grimaced as J bent over in front of him and not only blocked his view of the sun kissed bodies of the volleyball players, but also treated G to an unprecedented view of J's lily white backside, unshaven and barely covered by the grass skirts all five scientists had taken to wearing all the time. "Ewwwwww. . .  J, you are SO not made of glass . . . or sweet sweat covered hunny flesh . . ." he waved his hand irritably, "Move man!"

J grunted as he straightened, "I'm moving . . . I'm . . ." he trailed off as a dark shape appeared over the horizon. "G . . . I think Shinigami's actually come to make good on his promise . . ."

G sat up and raised a hand to shield his eyes from the sun as Duo's massive Gundam landed a little way off in the sea. 

"Uh-oh, spaghetti oohs, Batman."

 ----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!! 

[ominous silence]

DrM: Relena. . . you've gone tooo far!!

Relena: [sniffs] Well, it looks like I've won this round. . . bah, it's about time we banished that idiot from this fic!

DrM: [growls but is powerless] Will Duo return?! Find out in the next chapter of Gundammit!!

Wing: I notice a distinct lack of me in here. . . [looks around] Hey, where's Deathscythe?! [glances around] and Duo?! [gasp] What happen? [stares at readers] Please Review, please!! Tell me what happened?! Duo?! Where are you?!

DrM: [eyetwitch] must resist. . . for the love of—[burst into song, to the turn of Scooby Doo] Shinigami Duo, where are you? We've got some work to do now! Shinigami Duo, where are you? We need some help from you now! Come on Shinigami, I see you. . . pretending you've got a -- [gets hit by Wing]

Wing: Shut up, where's Duo?!

DrM: [points in Relena's direction] Why not ask her? [grins happily as Wing starts to advance] Anyway, back to my previously tension building comment. . . Has Relena gone too far?! Will Duo return?! And will Heero ever find out what the hell he is supposed to do after throwing Duo up against a wall? Find Out in the next chapter of Gundammit!!


	16. A Weird Mood Of Contemplation

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm,usual warnings . . . but it's not like anyone reads this bit up here anyway so . . .

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! **Both the Eypon and Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regularly . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 15: A Weird Mood of Contemplation

[I'm in a weird mood of contemplation, hence the various tangents the characters appear to go off on, I'm sorry, bad moods tend to do that to me . . . the eye jokes probably aren't funny because I was laughing my head off while I wrote them, but they stay in because it made me feel better about today, the eyelash thing comes from reading some of those really sappy, bad fanfics which raves on about really long eyelashes fluttering against cheeks . . . I do it too, so this is partly against me as well, it's just something that's stuck and rattled around in my head]

[This chapter is dedicated to all the really bad Gundam Wing fanfics out there. . . I thank you for all the material you've given me today, and to all reading this. . . I was in a SERIOUSLY weird mood while writing this, I'm SO sorry. . . And to my beta reader, you can't kill me for the crappyness of this chapter because we're really far away from each other. . . and this is what happens when I miss you!]

"Zero Two not located!"

"Relena. If I have to tell you one more time . . ."

"ZERO TWO NOT LOCATED!!" Wing was beginning to sound hysterical, Heero looked ready to kill . . . well, he always looked ready to kill, but now he looked even more homicidal than usual. Duo had taken off in the early hours of the morning and had completely disappeared off the radar. Trowa and Wufei looked diligently around the systems for any flight plans Duo might have logged, and Quatre was patiently testing each of their lines checking to see if he could make contact with the Gundam pilot. Wing and the other Gundams searched in their own way for Deathscythe, but were having little or no luck . . .

"Location of Zero Two yet to be confirmed." Sandrock's virtual image of Quatre was icily composed as he reported back. He glanced to the side as if looking at Wing, and snapped, "Zero One, behaviour counter productive. Cease."

"Zero Two not located." The winged Gundam muttered darkly once more before falling silent. Heero was also being stonily quiet aside from telling Relena repeatedly to be quiet. He threatened to kill her a couple of times, but that just wasn't effective against her any more. All he could do was to tell her that he didn't want to hear her any more. . .

Duo was gone. Where? Heero didn't know, and for once it bugged him that the pilot had left so quietly. What had been going through Duo's mind as he stood there and stared back at them? A dark part of Heero's mind suggested that Duo had gone to achieve what Heero had been threatening him with for months, but that wouldn't happen, would it? 

Heero felt himself become irrational with fear and anger. Fear in case Duo had believed Relena and anger at himself for not instantly correcting Duo. But what else could he have done, except thrown the boy against a wall, mauled him until the other boy--- Heero raised a hand and hit the side of his head, he really had to stop thinking like that. What was important was that he was seriously angry, his best friend was missing and his intensely irritating, self confessed 'girlfriend' was beginning to drive him out of his mind with her constant demands that he pay more attention to her rather than his search for Duo.

"ENOUGH!"

Silence befell the command tower, as Heero spun and glared at Relena. "I've had enough Relena, all I care about is getting Duo and Deathscythe back, keep my Gundam from going insane with worry, and defeating OZ. When in the hell did you get it into your head that I was protecting you because I love you?! I want peace, and you are the best hope for that peace, but seriously, when have I ever told you I am doing it because I love you, because you know something?!"

Relena squeaked, she – like pretty much everyone, including the frantic Wing – had been stunned into silence because this was the first time any of them had heard Heero say more than his standard 'mission accepted', 'Mission complete', 'I will kill you' and 'Duo, shut up'. Relena gaped, not unlike a goldfish at him as he steamed ahead.

"I really don't love you at all. Maybe as a friend, no . . . Someone I'd take the time to say hi to, if I wasn't in a rush, or indeed, I just hadn't spoken in the last twenty four hours but other than that I . . . I . . ." Heero ran out of steam, as he glanced out the window in frustration. He could see in Relena's eyes that none of this rant was actually sinking past the layer of her brain that insisted that he loved her. Shaking his head, Heero walked off to the window and slammed it open.

"Heero!"

Quatre's voice ran out, Heero paused and threw a glance over his shoulder. "I'm going to search for Duo in Wing, perhaps the ZERO system could tell me. . ."

Quatre smiled slightly, "I'll try Sandrock too . . ." he sighed, and rolled his eyes as Heero leapt out the window, into the waiting hands of his Gundam. Wing had been going spare, and took the time to remind everyone urgently, and loudly that:

"ZERO TWO NOT LOCATED!!"

Meanwhile. . .

"What's your problem then?"

Duo rolled his shoulders, and swallowed hard, "Aside from the trauma I now face from knowing that J. . ." he glanced at the other scientists, "And all you guys wear no underwear under grass skirts . . ." 

"Yes, yes!" G waved his hand irritably. "Aside from our obvious lack of undergarments, what is up with you?"

"Just. . ." Duo sighed, and closed his eyes for a moment, Relena's biting words coming back to echo uncomfortably in his head, "Just that. . . I'm really freaked out by the fact that you haven't been arrested yet, you realise it's wrong and evil to submit your . . ." he glanced over as J bent over again. Duo gagged slightly and went a little green. "I think I'm going to hurl. . ."

J straightened and rolled his eyes, "Oh, please . . . it's not like it's something you haven't seen before. . ."

"And I wish every day that I never see such a horrifying sight ever again." Duo sighed and sank into the sand. "Look, do me a huge favour and just stop bending over okay?"

Professor G raised an eyebrow, and leant forward, "do you need to sit in my lap like a little boy and tell daddy all your problems?"

Duo's eye twitched.

"Zero Two . . ."

Wing choked, making Heero looked up. Wing was silent, before asking in a quiet scared voice, "Zero Two will be located. . . Pilot Zero One . . . Heero Yuy will not fail mission. Zero Two must be located."

Heero sighed and nodded, he continued to tap commands into his laptop. "I'll find him . . . with your help okay? Just give me a little more time, I just need to figure out. . ."

"This unit . . . does not wish to function without . . . Zero Two."

Wing's quiet admission caught Heero off caught and the quiet pilot paused in his work. "Wing?"

"Heero Yuy will not fail in this mission?"

"I will find him . . ." Heero lifted his hand from his laptop hesitantly, and placed it against the Gundam's main joystick. He closed his eyes, feeling the ZERO system begin to activate, "I promise Wing, for you. . . and for me. . ."

Deathsycthe floated just beneath the surface, thinking to himself. 

::I was not born to be treated this way, was I, buddy?::

Duo's voice seemed to be on repeat in his system. The question was one of many Duo had asked as they flew away from the base, and the other Gundams. Something about the pilot's persona during their flight . . .

:: Jus' 'cause the others are better at the stuff they do. . . and me? sheesh, I can't help it if I don't have the money, or the training!!::

. . . Deathscythe growled to himself, at first he'd suspected a OZ impostor had infiltrated him . . . Duo's personality so altered from normal . . . but the pilot was too used to Deathscythe's systems that the Gundam soon dismissed it. He considered other probabilities, and with some deduction – well, actually it might have been the amount of times Duo had referred to Relena as That Peacecrap Woman that truly tipped the Gundam off but he wasn't about to admit that – come to the conclusion that something Relena had said had upset his pilot.  

The Gundam creaked uneasily. He hadn't been programmed to react to such situations and yet . . . 

One gel green eye glowed erriely as the Gundam open one eye to stare at the underwater world. 

. . . and yet, almost thirty percent of the fifty percent that he didn't use to process his mission was taken up pondering whether the other Gundams. . . more specifically if Wing. . . missed him. Deathscythe creaked again, opening both eyes. There was something about Wing . . . and if what Sandrock said was true . . . that once, before the last change in programming, they had different concepts of life . . . 

::And Heero just stood there . . . I mean, really like a rock, a goddamn rock. . . bah, I didn't think he'd step in for me anyway. . . he and that peacecrap woman, yeah, they can get together and have nasty little kids for all I care. . . which I don't!::

"But . . ." Deathscythe murmured aloud to himself, ". . . but I do. . ."

He blinked, a fleeting memory of Wing softly whispering in his audio processors. . .

"If I seem like I care what happened to you and your pilot, Baka . . . You are mistaken!" Wing ground out as he stood his ground. They were under fire and the massive white, red and blue Gundam refused to lift a hydraulic to help himself. Something was wrong with his pilot, and the two were just standing there. 

Deathscythe and Sandrock tried their hardest to deflect the shots off the immovable Gundam, while trying at the same time to convince him. Deathscythe was the closest as he shouted back urgently, "But surely you care what happens to you!" Deathscythe winced to himself as Sandrock cried out. The black and white Gundam took a heavy volley to his side. Deathscythe shook his head, "Please, do something to save yourself at least!!"

"I did not request you to—" Wing was cut off as a blow hit Deathscythe in the head. The winged Gundam twitched, obviously fighting the urge to run to his aid. "Whatever your name is . . . look, go away! Please! I don't want. . ." The Gundam closed his eyes, and suddenly yelled, "I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE DESTROYED!!"

. . . Deathscythe opened his eyes again. . .

He recognised the memory and at the same time couldn't recognise the Gundams in it . . . everything was different now. . . wasn't it? Something had happened to change them around, change their personalities and they were all missing. . . some kind of . . . 

:: They can be together. . . for the rest of eternity . . .:: Duo scoffed scornfully, :: I don't care . . .::

". . . but one day, I may be destroyed. . . may have to self-destruct . . ."

"Wing. . . I don't care . . ." 

The hanger was dark, their voices low so not to disturb the others as this fledging relationship prepared to take flight. "The same might happen to me. . . you know that . . . I'm willing to take the chance because I love you . . ."

"Shinigami . . ." Wing seemed at a loss for words.

If a Gundam could have smiled, Deathscythe was sure that a small smile might be building on his non-existant lips in the darkness. "Don't worry about it, Wing. . . I know that . . ." He paused as Nataku huffed in the darkness, stepping ever so slightly away. Shinigami shook his head and continued in a lower tone—

"--I love you . . . even if you can't say it back to me. . ."

Deathscythe blinked . . . well, sorta shorted out the light bulbs that illuminated the gel green Plexiglas that was in the shape of eyes for a period of a few seconds therefore achieving the look of a blink. An overwhelming feeling of sadness . . . or possibly fish swimming in his submerging tanks . . . flooded him. Was it possible . . .? Had he really just said that? Did he ever say it? 

The Gundam stared at the murky blue of the water and turned off the light bulbs that illuminated the gel green Plexiglas that was in the shape of eyes. 

"Wing . . ."

"Must you do that while I'm within a hundred miles of you?"

H sniffed, and continued to rub suntan lotion on his butt cheeks. "Yes. Yes, I must." He announced quite solemnly as Duo closed his eyes and clapped his hands over his eyelids. The doctor shrugged, "If one wants an all over sun tan. . ."

"Ugh . . ." Duo gagged and wondered seriously why he'd come here in the first place. Was Relena really that bad in comparison with the butt cheeks of the doctors? Seriously . . . which was worse, he wondered, Relena or the sight of Professor G's saggy, lily white, wrinkled buttocks with a faded tattoo on it. . . Relena Peacecraft . . . or G's Buttocks. . .? Relena or G's bum? 

Duo smirked for a moment.

Actually the two kinda looks very similar.

J leant over and whispered to G, "I think Duo's gone off the deep end . . ." He motioned the smirking pilot, "Does this mean we should be making a quick get-away?" 

G raised a glass, "No . . ." he stared at his pilot, "But when he starts to sing 'I'm dreaming of hacking you to death and I'm gonna use a great big axe' under his breath to the tune of 'I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'm gonna give you the keys' . . . THEN we run away. . . quickly . . . and with much haste." 

_Elsewhere . . ._

"You know none of this would have ever happened if *I* was the personality of all the Gundams!"

Wufei frowned and looked up from his console. . . it was then he noticed to his horror while he'd been slaving away trying to find that Baka AWOL comrade of theirs, his other *comrades* in the battle to fight OZ, and bring peace and justice back to this world had deserted him and left him alone with . . .

The Peacecraft Onna.

Wufei's eye twitched as he looked around the now empty command tower room. Even the OZ scum and their brainless minions had left . . . Wufei was utterly alone with . . .

The Peacecraft Onna.

He gripped the desktop, his mind instantly launching into finding routes of escape, he had to find a way of escaping her before she started to . . . he shuddered . . . *talk*. Damnit, Wufei hated it when . . . The Peacecraft Onna . . . *talked*, he hated it when any onna talked but. . .

The Peacecraft Onna.

. . . was especially dangerous. . . he bit the inside of his cheek as he noticed her looking around and her 'mind' . . . and I use that term in the loosest possible use of the word, in fact I'm not even sure if 'mind' is the right word. . . I mean by using it, I'll be insulting the intelligence of breakfast news presenters, weather girls, retarded goits who don't know where Russia is, and think that . . . oh, I don't know, think that the English stand in queues because they are actually waiting for something . . . we do, most of the time. . . but most of the time, I think you'll find that we English actually stand in queues because we wanna know where that queue leads. . . hey, some people follow rainbows. . . we follow queues. Anyway moving on, moving on . . . if mind really the best word to use in conjunction with Relena Peacecraft. . . I mean this IS Relena Peacecraft we're writing about here. . .

Wufei raised an eyebrow at the strange course his inner monologue was taking, and quickly brought his thoughts back to the blatant fact that they'd abandoned him with . . .

The Peacecraft Onna.

There was something distinctly wrong with that. . . Wufei breathed in calmly, filling his lungs with air so he could yell. . .

"INJUSTICE!!!"

Trowa looked up as Wufei's voice –via the P.A system, although it was loud enough just on it's own – filtered through the base. He sighed and shook his head, "I see Wufei finally noticed everyone had left him alone with Relena. . ." 

Blinking, Quatre shook his head, "That's so cruel, shouldn't we—"

"May I remind you Relena's up there too?"

Quatre blinked and sighed sadly, "Wufei was such a good friend. . . it hurts to leave him, but. . . the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few . . ." He dipped his head as if silently praying for his friend, rubbing a silent tear away. Trowa frowned for a moment pondering what Quatre had said. He raised a long finger and itched the side of his nose. "But what if. . ."

Quatre blinked and looked up, thinking Trowa had a plan to find Duo.

". . . the needs of the many are like really light stuff like feather dusters, and toilet paper. . . and the needs of the few are really heavy like plating for the main battering gun on a mobile suit?" Quatre blinked as Trowa frowned even deeper, "What then?" 

"Uh . . ." Blinking with confusion, Quatre started slowly, "Then I guess . . . the needs of the few then outweigh the needs of the many . . ."

"But don't you risk alienating the majority?" Blinking with surprise, Quatre turned as Marvin the Engineer that had accompanied Howard over from the Peacetrillion. Marvin was sat on Ensign Saratone's knee because everyone had piled into the small base's cafeteria. . . even though there were still plenty of chairs, but shhh. . . That has nothing to do with the story. Marvin held up a finger and continued, "Should it really be reasonable that the majority must sacrifice their dusting and own hygienic needs to the few who wish to perpetrate the continued tribulations of the war, when we could be dusting our shelving units and wiping our—"

"Okay!" Treize stood and held up his hand, "we're not taking this any further, this discussion stop here and goes no further."

"But—"

"SHH!!" Treize pressed his finger against his lips and glared at Marvin, "No. Just no. No." He shook his finger, as he drew out the syllable, "Nooooooo. No. No. Noooo. No."

Marvin sighed, and went back to necking with—

"NO!!" Treize stamped his foot, "I said no further!"

As Treize sank back into his seat, Zechs leant forward. "So have you had any luck in finding that Duo boy?"

Quatre blinked, "Not really . . ." He sighed and blinked again, "I just think . . ." he blinked, "I think . . . he might have gone to the same. . ." Quatre paused and blinked, "Place as the doctors. . . Heero's in Wing Zero right . . ." He blinked twice, "Now, trying to see if. . ."

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Une snapped, as Quatre trailed off and blinked. "Why do you keep blinking?!"

Quatre's left eye started to water a little bit, "I think I've. . ." He blinked as a tear rolled down his cheek, "I think I've got an eyelash stuck in my eye. . ."

Noin winced, "Ow. . ." She recoiled in horror as the small Arabian started to rub his eye, "Ugh! Don't touch it!" 

The blonde sniffed, "But it . . ." He blinked rapidly, "It's really obscuring my vision!!" He got up and walked over to the sink, aiming to wash it out. Trowa, filled with concern and still pondering the needs of the few verses the needs of the many, got up to help save his small, blonde lover from the attack of a vicious, revengeful eyelash that had mistakenly been pulled from its home and was taking its lashy revenge on the eyeball it was meant to protect. 

"Soooooo . . ." Zechs stared at Noin speculatively, "You don't like people touching their eyes, eh?"

"No!" She snapped, "It's just so nasty. . ."

He smirked and raised his mask slightly, pushing a long pale finger against the gooey white of his pale blue eyes, "What? Like this?!" 

"Ugh!" Noin lifted her chair and scooted away from him, "Stop it!!" 

Zechs snickered, and pushed a little harder, making the gooey ball move back and forth in his head, "Not even this?!"

"Stop it!!" Noin covered her eyes, and shuddered hard, "Eww!! I am never touching your hands ever again! That's so . . . nasty!! Zechs, stop poking your goddamn eye!!" 

Meanwhile, Trowa gently dried Quatre's eye and leant forward to stare into the aquamarine depths, "Oh, Quatre. . ." 

The left eye was slightly swollen, and a bit bloodshot at the edges. And yet . . . Trowa slipped his finger gently down the smaller boy's cheek. . . those aquamarine eyes remained the most beautiful thing Trowa had ever seen. Within those depths, there was poetry unspoken, passions untainted, promises unlived, perfection unexplored . . . and pants unopened.    

He sighed.

One day he would speak Quatre's sweet poetry, he would taint Quatre's innocent passions, he would live Quatre's secret promises, he would explore Quatre's masculine . . . Trowa raised an eyebrow. . . he could go on, but then his thoughts would have been unsuitable for children under the age of 13 . . . then he raised the other eyebrow as he realised there were no telepathic children under the age of thirteen here at this OZ military base . . . unless. . . OZ were secretly training genetically modified children under the age of thirteen in the abilities of superhuman powers as a counter-measure to defend against the already super trained Gundam pilots . . .

Quatre raised his eyebrow as a lock of Trowa's uni-bang shot up like an intrigued eyebrow.

Heero was having about as much luck with finding the doctors as a really unlucky person who was having as much luck with finding the doctors as he was. Which was not that much luck. In fact . . . it could have been said that Heero was having as much luck at finding the doctors as Wufei was having trying to find a word that wasn't 'mind' to describe the large, vacuous space that seemed to inhabit the place in Relena's head where on any normal human would have a mind . . . which wasn't all that easy considering there were very few things that Wufei could think of that were even less intelligent than Relena. At first he thought of a one-celled amoeba but then realised that if Relena were as smart as a one-celled amoeba she would have already cloned herself in an effort to reproduce . . . 

At this precise moment of time, while Heero was having about as much luck with finding the doctors as a really unlucky person who was having as much luck with finding the doctors as he was, and Zechs was poking at his eye, and Duo was trying hard not to open his eyes and see Doctor J and Professor G bending over to tie their sandals, and Deathscythe was having an epiphany, and Wing was trying hard not to hyperventilate, and Marvin and Saratone were in the cafeteria K.I.S.S.I.N.G, and Quatre was staring in fascination as various locks of Trowa's hair simultaneously raised themselves like intrigued eyebrows, and Trowa thought about various possible attacks that OZ could possibly be secretly planning for them, and Sandrock and Heavyarms were staring at each other and trying to make it not look like they were staring at each other, and Nataku meditated and almost reached a level of enlightenment but was disturbed when a seagull landed on his head . . . While all of this was happening, Wufei suddenly squeaked, gagged, choked, went blue in the face and then keeled over, falling out of his swivel chair and klunking his head on the hard, grey carpeted floor at the idea of Relena reproducing . . .

Anyway, back to Heero and his not have much luck with finding the doctors. 

He sighed and sat back as Wing shut down the Zero System again, "This isn't working . . ." he stared at the panels, "The Zero System can't predict Duo's movements and choices. . ." he clapped his hands over his eyes, //I've got to find him . . .// The thought rang as clear as a mission order, he was the only one now that could find Duo, he could feel it in the air. Wing shifted uneasily.

"Don't give up. . ."

 Heero lifted his hands and touched Wing's panels, "I won't . . ." he promised, "I just need to. . .  figure out a way of thinking like Duo . . ."

There was silence from Wing for a moment. . . before the massive Gundam murmured, "This unit is programmed with the characteristics of Zero Two. . ." 

Heero blinked. . . and cursed as he got one of his infamously long eyelashes in his eye. 

"INJUSTICE!!!"

The whole cafeteria jumped, and Wufei was rewarded with several yelps of pain as hot drinks went pouring into the laps of many OZ personal. He stormed forward, and slammed his hands down on the table that Trowa and Quatre, and the OZ commanding officers were sat. "INJUSTICE!! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME WITH THAT WOMAN!?!"

Trowa raised an eyebrow as Marvin cursed at Saratone – who'd accidentally dropped his small lover when Wufei had come blasting in the room – then looked back at Wufei. Quatre stood and raised his hands, "Wufei. . ."

"Oh, no!! Don't you try and 'Wufei. . . ' me!! It's a dishonour that you LEFT me with HER!!"

"But Wufei. . ."

"And you didn't come and try and save me?!"

"Well, we decided that because the needs of the few were outweighing the needs of the many. . ." Quatre trailed off, and crossed his eyes, "Wait, that's wrong. . ."

"INJUSTICE!" Wufei growled and slammed his hand down on the table . . . unwittingly jogging Une, who'd been rather foolishly propping herself up against it, and therefore making her bump into Treize who was dabbing his lap down delicately with a tissue.

"Ah . . ." he deadpanned, "That hasn't happened for so long, I was beginning to miss the feeling of SCALDING HOT LIQUID ON MY UNPROTECTED UPPER THIGHS AND GROIN!!" 

Anyway, Treize's hand slipped when Une bumped into him, causing him to put a little too much pressure on a . . . delicate area, just above his unprotected upper thighs. . .

Treize's shout surpised Noin, and she jumped and bumped into Zechs. . . who – idiotically, may I mention – was still poking at his eye . . . 

Wufei was satisfied with the result, and walked out the room, murmuring, "Ah, justice . . ." While Zechs' yelp of pain echoed after him.

"ARGH!! MY EYE!!" 

 ----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

[silence – everyone just kinda stares at her]

DrM: [sitting in her chair in front of her computer, with her head on the desk and chuckling to herself] Okay, let me explain about this chapter. . . it's meant first of all to be read aloud, and with the straightest damn face you can muster . . . second, I've had a really bad day, and I was in a pissy mood when I started but, as it got weirder—

Deathscythe: [points at her glass of lemonade and strawberries] 

DrM: [grins] and I drank lots of that too . . . ah, sugar rushes. . . is there NOTHING they CAN'T do? Anyway, as I got sillier, so did the chapter . . . and I've been reading lots of bad Gundam Wing fics recently, you know the kind – complete Relena bashing without provocation, Heero-I-Am-A-Robot-Yuy can do no wrong, Duo is a rather feminine bitch slappin' campier-then-a-Carry-On-film cross-dresser, and poor old Wuffer's has nothing but nose-bleeds . . . that kind, which have nothing wrong, if you want a good laugh, and the quick satisfaction of yaoi-lemon cravings. . .

Wing: [mutters] and DrM knows all about that!!

DrM: anyway, what with the seriousness of the last few chapters. . . let's just say it had to come out somewhere. . . I apologise if you were expecting some sort of conclusion, but that'll come in the next few chapters. . . there's only so long I can drag this out, y'know? [still giggling to herself] bluegoo . . . I know you hate all out Relena bashing but. . . you're like 250 miles away, and I haven't sent this to you yet to beta read, hence all the mistakes people! [giggles] . . . soooooo . . . [points in the other direction] Is that BANANA FISH MANGA VOLUME 8 ONWARDS FOR SALE, 50% OFF??! 

[DrM makes a run for it while her beta-reader is distracted]

Wing: be afraid. . . be VERY afraid of DrM while she is on a sugar rush . . . [sighs] please. . . just, just R&R. . . for the love of sanity . . . R&R!! 

 [DrM can be heard giggling like Homer Simpson]


	17. A life less ordinary

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm,usual warnings . . . but it's not like anyone reads this bit up here anyway so . . .

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! **Both the Eypon and Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regularly . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 16: A Life Less Ordinary

[Blushes] You know I just noticed, in my weirdness fest last chapter I forgot to address Q.o.V's challenge!! Gomen nasai!! Will attempt them in this chapter!! [other notes] It should be noted I was forced to watch Bataan in Film Studies today. . . I don't care if it is a classic, and I don't care if it's the most shining example of the War film genre in America . . . I HATE WAR MOVIES!! [clears throat] so, it should be noted . . . another bad mood, another weird chapter of Gundammit . . . I think I can end it either in the next chapter or the one after, so . . . uh, yeah, thanks for putting up with me so far. . .

_"Ahem."_

Duo glanced up at the not-so-subtle-attention-seeking cough. "Huh?" He blinked, and put down his screwdriver, "Shinigami? Was that you?"

"Yes. I wish to converse with you now."

"Can it wait, buddy? I'm just –" all the power, except for the life support and the communications panel, shut down leaving Duo in almost pitch black. Duo sighed and sat back in his chair, "I guess not . . ." he looked up at the glowing comm. panel, and nodded, "I'm listening, buddy."

"I wish to return to the base, and collect Wing Gundam." 

"Wing? Why?"

"I . . ." Deathscythe fell quiet for a bit before resuming his sentence, "I feel that all is not as it should be. I have memories that do not correlate with my present state of mind." 

"You can remember before the scientists messed with you the second time?"

"I believe so." Deathscythe fell silent again, "I. . . wish to know what Wing's coordinates are, I wish to discuss this situation with him."

"Why?" Duo ventured, sincerely curious about this change of heart in his Gundam. Deathscythe was silent for a few moments longer, before he answered softly, "I remember confessing . . . love . . . for him. . . and I find myself now. . . missing him."

Duo sank down in his chair, "You know. . . there are few people in this world that I'd brave that Peacecrap Woman's presence for." He reached out and patted Deathscythe as the massive Gundam came back online, "You're one of them, buddy, just remember that when she's ripping it out of me. . ."

_A little later . . ._

"Well, you might as well take us too. . ."

"YOU WHAT?!" 

"We've had a long enough break. . ." Professor G smiled, "it's time to go back and fix the Gundams!!"

Duo rolled his eyes, "don't tell me you've had an even more better idea. . ." 

"Why, Duo, my boy! How well you've gotten to know us!!" Doctor J wrapped his claw arm around Duo's shoulders and proclaimed happily, "we really should invest in some bonding time like this more often!!"

Duo clapped his hand over his eyes, and sighed, "at least tell me you're going to put some pants on right?" Master O picked up his suitcase, and shrugged his other arm into his lab coat. "Nah!" He said smugly, "we've discovered that we can think more freely when our lower extremities are—"

The longhaired American held up a hand to silence the tall scientist. 

"No. . ." He pointed angrily at the five grinning scientists, "We are not even going to **GO** there."

Suddenly, without warning, Deathscythe shuddered as the five scientists approached . . . it was one of those all over, full body shudders, the kind that had the superstitious types proclaiming that someone was walking over their grave . . . the kind that made you jerk for no apparent reason and had people look at you as if you were funny in the head . . . that special kind of shudder that unfailing always made you jerk when you were putting the finishing pair of cards to your twelve-level high house of cards. . . that kind of shudder which waited until you were carrying that tray of priceless champagne glasses which incidentally were filled with the most expensive champagne that money could buy at your parents' Christmas do which had their bosses around, and the bosses' overtly gossipy wives, and it happened to strike just when the deal was being sealed, the promotion was being discussed, and the boss' wife's brand new seriously expensive, tediously delicate, unswervingly fashionable, one of a kind, M. R. D. brand dress had just been noticed . . .   

Oh yeah.

You know what I mean.

THAT kind of shudder.

Professor G's eyes bulged as Deathscythe stilled from his shudder, "What was that? Some kind of spasm?!"

"I don't know!!" Duo shook his head, he raised his radio to his mouth and called down the line, concern wracking his heart, "Buddy? Speak to me, are you okay?!"

There was a pause before Deathscythe coolly replied. 

"The Scientists do not touch this Gundam without the appropriate underwear on. There will be no discussion about this matter . . . the scientists will don appropriate protective clothing." The Gundam raised its huge arms, and folded them as it glared down at them imperiously; "I repeat . . . No Scientist will board without underpants on."

Duo snickered, and turned, folding his arms in the same way as his Gundam as he raised his chin defiantly, "now see. . . you better do what the buddy tells ya to do. . ." he raised an imperious eyebrow, "I will only boot you where the sun don't shine. . . buddy here?" Duo grinned menacingly, a slow devious grin, "buddy here will blow you to the middle of next week, and then when next week comes he'll bomb you all the way back to the stone age. . ." Duo leant forward, "so what do you say?"

The scientists blinked, looked at each other, and then looked all the way up at the glowering Deathscythe.

"Erm . . . we need to go shopping?"

MEANWHILE . . . 

Heavyarms turned slowly. 

Since all the Leos and Aries had been taken away, and Deathscythe had left there had been no source of good entertainment. "Injustice. . ." he grumbled to himself. Nataku was off meditating, and Sandrock . . . the huge orange Gundam stopped in his turning and looked over at the black and white Gundam . . . Sandrock was planning again. Which was a lot like Nataku's meditation, only it involve a lot more frowning and a little less contortionism . . . 

Sandrock was a quiet Gundam, Heavyarms' pilot's personality program had seen to that . . . although. . . Heavyarms let out a small sigh. A tiny little sigh because anything louder would have been dishonourable. He shook his head, Heavyarms was sure he didn't used to think like this . . . he was sure he used to care a lot more about other things than justice and honour . . . 

Like. . .

Okay, so he was struggling to think of things that he used to care about more than justice and honour . . . he closed his eyes and thought really hard, trying to get past the layer of thinking that started with justice and honour. . . deep within . . . deeper than the caramel goodness of triple layered chocolate . . .  past the layer of that stuff they make cute little dolls out of – because as everyone knows, it's always the sickeningly cute little doll that survives all the fires, all the airplane crashes, all the terrible disasters - that protected the Gundams . . . Heavyarms found something he cared deeply for. . .

Honour and justi—

Heavyarms' eyes lit up in complete and utter irritation. 

"Gundammit!" He muttered darkly, he meant Sandrock . . . there was once a time when they made hot robot love in the desert, and made out like really big, Gundam teenagers behind the big tent of Trowa's circus, Gundamnit!! He was sure of it!

He looked at Sandrock again, and found the black and white Gundam staring at him. The Gundam blinked slowly, before standing and walking over. 

"Heavyarms . . ." Sandrock began, "We need to . . . talk. . ."

Now.

There was only one problem with this scenario . . . the problem was, both Gundams were programmed with Wufei and Trowa for their personalities. . . can anyone else see the problem with this?! I mean, can you imagine the scenario, one's a freaking mute who thinks really, really, really complicated things, then says them and goes on and on and on. . . even when his mobile suit blows up, and even then carries on until he passes out and the other has only six words in his vocabulary, each of which are punctuated by shakes of fists, very tight hairdos and disturbingly billowy pants/flares/pillow cases. . . 

"Honour."

". . ."

"Dishonour?"

". . ."

"Justice!"

". . ."

"Injustice!!"

". . ."

"Maxwell!!"

". . ."

"TREIZE!!"

". . . Quatre, I know your father has just been blown to a thousand pieces but you crying. . . then laughing like a lunatic, then building the most destructive Gundam known to man – except to Treize, who ALWAYS has to do one better – then you going off to blow stuff like colonies and people up like there's no tomorrow really isn't helping the situation so why not take a break, have a kitkat, kick back and watch some pro-wrestling on the cable channels, then go out and drown your sorrow in beer, and then you can turn back to that unfailingly nice, polite guy you were before you sister and your father were brutally killed mercilessly in front of you, and your whole life was torn to shreds, because you know why? I'm just going to kept talking, because I haven't had a chance to talk for ages, and since I'm about to die I might as well get in my quota of words for the last few episodes. . . and I want decent last words before I get amnesia from being exposed to space. . . mind you, how in the hell does that work? I mean, you'd think exposed to space would cause some more side effects than simple amnesia, oh, I don't know like, erm . . . blood vessels exploding, and my body imploding, but hey, I think I've said enough . . . and I leave you with my last words . . . FEEL THE POWER OF MY NAVEL!!"

Can you see where I'm going with this?

. . . No?

Okay, let's put it simply. . .

THREE HOURS LATER . . .

"I . . ." 

Heavyarms blinked as Sandrock finished speaking. He'd not understood half of what Sandrock had been saying, but that was mostly due to the shock of hearing the quiet Gundam speak in such eloquent terms for such a long time. Heavyarms shook himself out of his stupor, "Sandrock. . . I . . . I think I . . . I think I feel the same. . ."

Sandrock looked at him, and nodded, "Good. . ." he murmured, "Heavyarms. . . I'm not sure I have words enough to express what I think I should feel, but . . ." 

Heavyarms stood, and helped Sandrock to his feet. . . revealing that the two had been sitting on what looked like what was once a 3D tank which was now very, very 2D. . . anyway, Heavyarms looked at Sandrock closely, trying to detect any signs of emotion, but that was very hard because Gundams don't have any facial features to corralate into any sort of expression but. . . I've forgotten where I was going with this . . . anyway, suffice to say, that both Gundams were confused as to what they were going to do, how could they possibly get past their personality barriers to get together and live out their . . . admittedly weird lives in a happy ever after scenario minus the many kids, and the killing of the evil witch . . .

Oh, wait a minute. . . we WANT Relena dead, don't we? 

The answers to the questions that were being raised at New Barley Base were in the form of five very old men, who were wearing coffee stained lab coats, and grass skirts. . . and very little else in terms of undergarments . . . who were currently strapped tightly Deathscythe's legs on the condition that Howard would chemically disinfect, fire-sterilise, re-galvanise, re-paint and re-polish the parts, and the three meter radius surrounding the parts where the Gundam scientists were currently strapped to tightly. . . their bare asses naturally facing away from the metal even though it provided an even more gruesome thought. . . but there are telepathic children under the age of thirteen who are currently being trained by OZ as a counter measure to the already super trained Gundam pilots reading this so I won't go into too much detail . . . suffice to say, Duo was breaking the sound barrier, going for the light barrier to get back to the base as soon as possible so he could at least hose down Deathscythe's legs . . . 

Duo sighed as he came into the radar sensor range of the base. He'd have to face Relena again . . . but he was doing it for a good cause . . . Deathscythe wanted to see Wing, the Scientists were—okay, so the Scientists could never be classed as a good cause, ever . . . not in coffee stained lab coats and grass skirts, but Duo was returning for the sake of his Gundam. . . 

He'd ran, and he'd hid, but Duo Maxwell never lied when he said he cared about his Gundam. . . even though said Gundam was Heero's clone in terms of personality. . .

"Ahem."

Duo blinked and looked up, "Yeah buddy?"

"It occurs to me that you are reluctant to face Relena Peacecrap. . ." 

"You think?"

"Yes, I do." Duo shook his head at Deathscythe's deadpan, the Gundam continued, "I believe you must attempt to secure a victory over her." 

"How do I do that?" Duo shook his head, "She's pretty, she's powerful, and she is the Peace . . . crap. I've got nothing on her . . ."

"You have me."

Duo blinked and looked up at the admission, "Pardon me?"

"Duo Maxwell, you have me. . ." Deathscythe's voice turned a little gruff, as he spoke quietly, "I will stand by you, I can see that you are a competent solider in this war . . . you may deal with the tension differently from the others but I have spent enough time with you to realise that this is your nature . . ." The long haired pilot's mouth fell open as Deathscythe noted, "Peacecrap cannot possibly ever understand you, you are unique, you are a better pilot than any of the others, this has been proven time and time in battle." Deathscythe paused for a moment, before he continued warmly, "You are my . . . best human friend. . ." 

Finding his mouth suddenly dry, the pilot swallowed, "Buddy . . ." 

"I say this only one time." Deathscythe's voice grew cold again, "Because you will not need to hear it again, Duo Maxwell, even when that Peacecrap woman tells you that you are nothing. . . remember that I know, and that you know different. . ."

"Buddy. . ." Duo closed his eyes and smiled, "That's. . . Gee, you're embarrassing me. . ." 

"Duo . . ." Shinigami paused, before continuing, "I do not believe that I am the only one who feels a deeper emotion for you . . . the Gundam paused, some of this comes from the personality that I am laden with. . ."

"Heero?" Duo blinked with surprise, he breathed in, and held his breath for a moment, "Buddy. . . Heero would rather shoot me before he'd—"

"This unit responds to the pilot as the original personality would." 

"But—"

"Time to base, three hours. . . forty five minutes. . ."

Duo sank back in his seat a little, and looked around. Deathscythe had most certainly stopped the conversation, but couldn't stop the questions swirling in his mind, Deathscythe suggested that he only responded as Heero would . . . but that would mean. . . Heero felt something for Duo. . .

"Yeah right . . ." Duo huffed, "And Heero will start to consider anger management courses too, just so he can work on a relationship with me . . ."

//Hmm . . . Anger Management . . . // 

Heero stared out the window to the horizon; Duo and his Gundam had been spotted on the radar, heading back at almost light speed. He sighed and turned away to look at the group of people behind him as they too watched the horizon with some anticipation, //maybe . . .// Heero thought hesitantly to himself, //maybe I should consider anger management courses . . . it would benefit my attempts to build a relationship with Duo. . .// 

Relena looked most definitely non-plussed by the idea that duo was returning. 

She was in fact very non-plussed by this fact. She almost was seething with irritation, that pretty boy was returning no doubt to steal her boyfriend! Even if Heero didn't notice, and even if duo tried to keep it hidden, Relena could see that Duo was very much attracted to Heero in that icky boy-loving-another-boy . . . like she could see that Trowa and Quatre did. It had taken a while for her to realise it, but the way Trowa and Quatre were hold each other was most certainly not in the old comrade style. She sighed, and she'd said such nice things about them too . . . she shook her head and prayed that they didn't give Heero their gay-ness too. . . maybe she should try and cure them, like take them hunting. . . or to a steel works, maybe seeing real men in action would cure them of their gay-ness. . .

While Relena thought such . . . deep and meaningful . . . deep and meaningful . . . deep and meaningful thhhhpp . . . meaningful thhhh-oooorrr . . . meaningful thhhhhoooorrr . . . Nope. I can't do it. I can't bring myself to type 'Relena', 'deep and meaningful', and 'thoughts' in the same sentence . . . ahem, while Relena was thhhhhiiiinnnn . . . nope, can't type that either . . . erm, oh, I know . . . while Relena was using the space in her head for what it was supposed to be used for . . .

Quatre glanced over at Relena, she looked a little ill and as if she was about to faint.

"She's thinking again . . ." Quatre blinked as Trowa's voice whispered into his ear. The blonde tried hard not to squeak with laughter, "Trowa!" 

"What?" Trowa folded his arms and pointed at her, "It's true . . . can't you see the steam coming out of her ears?"

Quatre snickered as Wufei leant over and murmured, "I thought I could smell smoke. . ."

Meanwhile . . . I mean, on the other side of the table . . .

"Don't you think it makes me look all . . ." Zechs leant forward, and grinned, "Roguish and not unlike a pirate?"

Noin folded her arms, and raised an eyebrow, "No. . ." She shook her head as she took in Zechs' appearance. "I think it makes you look like an idiot who poked his eye and now has to wear an eye patch. . . which, by the way . . ." She leant forward and pulled at the strap holding the black patch on, she rolled her eyes, "You're meant to wear it over the eye. . . not on the outside of your helmet. . ."

"But I wanna look like a pirate!" Zechs protested, he righted the strap again, "I can't look like a real pirate if I wear it under my helmet. . ."

"Now see," Une leant over and sighed, "This is the part where I would say why not take off your helmet but you'll just say—"

"And dazzle everyone with my undeniable beauty?" Zechs grinned, as he sat back and folded his arms, "I just can't take that risk, for the benefit of all the women of OZ I just can't risk distracting them with my good looks. . ."

Lady Une nodded, "Right and then Treize says. . ."

"Besides. . ." Treize smiled widely, "Isn't enough that I distract them already. . .?"

Noin and Une sighed heavily, as Treize and Zechs leant toward each other and looped their arms around their shoulders. "Ahh . . ." Treize sighed, "We're so pretty. . ."

"And we stand there and do it so well. . ." Zechs murmured back reverently, he held up his thumb, "We're so good!"

"If you are quite finished. . ." Lady Une stood, "The Gundam is coming into sensory range. . . prepare all the laser cannons, hail the Balji, we're frying Death tonight—"

"Ahem." 

Lady Une and blinked as she stared down the barrels of four drawn guns. "Ah. Yes. I forgot we had company." She glanced over at "Ensign Saratone, cancel the last order. . ."

Saratone nodded, and carried out his orders before he turned in his chair and gazed longingly at Marvin the engineer, since Saratone had dropped him, Marvin was refusing to speak to his OZ lover. Awwww . . . poor Saratone. . . he turned back to his controls and glumly pressed a few buttons before sighing dolefully. He reminded me that he was not unlike a little puppy, a little Andrex puppy who had been booted up the arse and had had all his Andrex Toilet Tissue stolen from him by evil killer monkeys hell bent on dominating the Toilet Tissue Industry with their evil brand of cheap, tacky, nasty Toilet Tissue which they'd force poor, underfed, little evil killer monkeys to make for them in massive factories . . . and once again, I forget where I was going with that . . . but that's okay because by now Duo was landing at New Barley Base.

"Well. . . here goes. . ."

Duo sighed as he climbed down from Deathscythe. He turned and saw a car come screeching to a halt and his friends climbed out. "Maxwell!!" Wufei sprinted over first, "Where have you been you, Baka?!"

"Why?" Duo rolled his eyes, "Surely you haven't missed little old me. . ."

"Duo!" Quatre slowed to halt, "We did miss you!" He ran forward, and grabbed Duo's hands, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Quatre. . ." Duo smiled, "It's okay, I just needed to get away for a while. . ." He motioned the legs of his Gundam, "Guess who I found. . ."

The scientists waved from their position, their coffee stained lab coats and grass skirts blowing in the air.

To those on the ground, the very sight of those old men and their wrinkly butts made grown men cry out and Trowa to slap Duo upside the head as Quatre fainted, Wufei gagged, and Heero's beautiful eyes crossed. 

"You know. . ." Doctor J called over to Professor G, "I think I might have just found a powerful new weapon. . ." 

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!  
DrM: [grins] okay, what do you get if you get a Evil Overlord, lots of sugary soft drinks, some bad news in the form of her landlord's refusing to renew her contract, a sudden desire to resurrect a favourite original character, an addiction to a website [www.homestarrunner.com by the way] an overload of anime [i.e. Gundam Wing, Cardcaptor Sakura and Fruits Basket], a slave driver of a muse called Brian, and an overworked, underpaid computer called Dudley?

Wing: the last few chapters of Gundammit?

DrM: [grins even wider] BINGO!!

Wing: oh for the love of sanity . . .

[sudden thunderous applase as Special Guest Stars walk in]

Yue: [deadpan to Wing] welcome to my world . . . you think this is bad, wait until she's done countless fics all about you and how your hair got to be the way it is . . .

Hei-ying: [waves] hello. . . guess what . . . [motions readers who read 'In This Tainted Soul' forward] there's going to be another story in the Tainted Soul series . . . [looks around before grinning and whispering] I'm Baaaaaaack!!

DrM: [pushed Hei-ying and Yue back to their fics] Shush!! That's going to happen next week if bluegoo approves the first few chapters. . . [grins] well, I'm off to drink some more fizzy drinks. . . Please R&R!!!  


	18. It really should be the end, but

Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm, usual warnings . . . but it's not like anyone reads this bit up here anyway so . . .

**Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! **Both the Eypon and Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regularly . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 17: It really should be the end, but . . .

[I'll put my A/Ns up here, because. . . yup, this is the last chapter of my first chaptered Gundam Wing 'fic, so read up, and gimme a review please!! I'd love to know what you think of the ending . . . {starts to laugh really, really evilly} catch ya soon!! Enjoy the end!! P.S: Queen of Vegetasei, THIS is what I thanked you for a couple of chapters ago, look out for Hilde at the end. And Clow'd9 and all 1x2 Yaoi fangirls, about the ending . . . I'm in an evil mood, please don't kill me . . .]

Chapter 17: It Really Should Be The End, But . . . 

"Ugh . . . Damnit, J . . . you could at least warn some people before you make them wanna hurl their breakfasts up . . ."

J raised a critical eyebrow at Howard, "okay . . . I think we've had enough of the buttock jokes . . ."

Howard shrugged, and pulled out another cigar, he folded his hands behind his head and walked off, "who's talking about your ass, moron?"

As Doctor J had to be held back from Howard, Duo turned and smiled at his friends, "so anyway, I'm back . . ." 

Heero walked forward, and grabbed the end of Duo's braid, "Maxwell . . . we need to talk."

Duo turned a very pale shade of pink, as he was dragged by his braid over to the car. He glanced over at Quatre, Trowa and Wufei, "uh . . . guys?" 

"I don't know what he wants . . ." Quatre shook his head and held up his hands, Trowa shrugged and Wufei called after Heero rather unhelpfully, "Leave some for me as well, Yuy!" Wufei grinned, and cracked his knuckles, "I wanna teach him a lesson too!!"

"Oh, thanks Wu, you're so helpful . . ." Duo closed his eyes and stumbled, "look Heero, seriously . . . there's really no need to Omae O Kurosu me . . . seriously . . . aw, come on!! I brought the scientists back with me, didn't I?" 

Heero paused and looked at him, raising a single bushy eyebrow, before glancing over at the scientists. Duo followed his gaze and gulped. The scientists were now showing Treize and Zechs how to do the Hula-Hula.

"Okay so. . . that really doesn't work in my favour. . . but-but-but . . ." Duo looked at Heero with pleading violet eyes, "Won't it be more satisfying to beat them to a bloody pulp? Think about it Heero, please?" Duo winced as Heero continued to the car, his steel grip clamped harder around the chestnut braid, "Awww. . . man, heeeero!! Come on!!!"

Heero continued to ignore him.

Which was actually a big mistake of his. 

Because it awoke Shinigami.

Ouchies.

Deathscythe watched this with little interest.

In fact it was safe to say, the Gundam Scientists and the commanding officers of OZ doing the Hula-hula had no interest for the massive Gundam. He was more interested in the four other Gundams rumbling toward him. Actually that was a lie. He was more interested in the Winged Gundam that was running over to him. 

Wing slowed to a stop, and rocked on the balls of his feet. He stared at Deathscythe trying to ascertain if the black Gundam was in a good enough mood. . . and then decided that he didn't care. Wing let out a whoop, and jumped up into Deathscythe's arms. 

"I missed you!!" The Gundam blasted down their secret channel. Deathscythe stared at him for a moment, before dropping him. 

"Let go of me, Baka."

Wing sighed, "you never change . . ." he turned away from Deathscythe to let the others have a look at him, and was about to walk away, when he felt a hand clamp down on his arm. He blinked, and glanced over his shoulder. 

If Gundams could blush – which they can't, but wouldn't it be cute if they could? – Deathscythe would have lit up the cloudy afternoon, with a hazy red glow. The Gundam was unusual hesitant as he held on. Wing tilted his head, and opened a communications channel, then closed it . . . then opened it again, and murmured, "are you--?"

Deathscythe's head snapped up, and the massive black and gold Gundam shuffled forward, "I . . . missed you. . ." he sighed and glanced at the others before carrying on quietly, "please . . . don't . . ."

The black and gold Gundam shuffled, and Wing – if Gundams could smile, which they can't but wouldn't it be cute if they could? – sent a picture of a smile to him. The winged Gundam stepped back, and lifted a massive hand to press a finger against Deathscythe's frontal interface – approximately where the nose was on humans – before murmuring, ". . . don't leave?"

Deathscythe huffed, and nodded.

Wing let out another whoop, and grabbed onto the slightly shorter Gundam, "I won't!!"

"Relena . . ."

The blonde girl looked down, and frowned, "what?"

Quatre winced, "you're stepping on my fingers, Relena. . ."

They were all standing outside the command tower, in Sandrock and Nataku's hands, trying to peer into the room where Heero had barricaded himself in with Duo and refused to allow anyone else in at all, not even the staff that were necessary to the smooth running of the base. So. . . the rest of the group had solved this by rather unsubtly perching themselves on two of the Gundams just outside, and trying to peer into the room. 

Relena. . . being a little on the short side . . . had insisted that someone heft her up so she could see on the basis that, as Heero's girlfriend, she had every right to know what was going on in the command tower. 

"So?" Relena said absently, not really paying any attention, looked back into the room, "what's that got to do with me?"

"So. . ." Quatre – who was the sap that offered to help her, curse his good heart – winced again, "so, my fingers are attached to my hands, Relena. . ."

"And. . .?"

"MY HANDS!! THEY'RE ATTACHED TO MY ARMS!!"

Rubbing his head – from where Duo had hit him - Heero rolled his eyes as Quatre's voice rang out. Duo glanced up, and then looked down again. Heero had said nothing during the entire time they had been here and it was beginning to get a little scary. "So. . . uh, Heero . . . what was it that you wanted to say?"

Heero blinked and glanced at the window, "oh for crying out loud . . ." he huffed, "look Maxwell . . ." he paused, "Duo . . ." he corrected, and moved a little closer, "we need to get to a more secure position . . ." 

Duo let out an explosive breath. "Heero!" He frowned deeply and stared up at the intense man, "look, I don't care what the others see okay, just tell me when you're gonna marry Miss Peace of After Colony 195 . . ."

Heero's eyes widened, "why on earth do you think I'm going to marry Relena?!"

"It's so obvious that you love her!" Duo pushed up from his seat, and wrapped his arms around his torso. "I'm so sick of her thinking that I've got my claws into you when obviously I don't!!"

Heero stared after him for a moment, "but Duo . . ."

"I mean, it's not like you've stayed awake for the last few days, wondering what I wanted you to do to me, after you throw me against the wall. . . but for your information. . . I really, really, really want you to s—"

"PILOT ZERO ONE!!"

Heero jerked as Duo was interrupted by Wing's loud voice. Heero spun to find his Gundam leaning toward the window. Wing waved politely, before speaking again, "Pilot Zero One, State Intentions."

"What?!" Heero raised an incredulous eyebrow.

"Repeat State Intentions. This Unit Requires Pilot's Intentions as evaluation . . ."

"Pardon me?!"

"This Unit . . ."

"I heard you!" Heero walked over to the window and stared at his Gundam, "why do you want to know?"

"This Unit will not allow any further emotional damage to come to Pilot Zero Two . . . Therefore, This Unit requires to know your intentions for evaluation purposes before you proceed with any operation."

Duo chuckled as he stood up and moved to stand by Heero, "Looks like you and old Death Buddy made up then . . ." He commented softly. Wing tilted his head, and if Gundams could blush – which they can't, but wouldn't it be cute, if they could? – Wing's face would have taken on a cute, adorable pinkish tinge. 

"Aww . . ." Duo cooed, "young Gundam love. . ."

Deathscythe stomped over, and glared in at his pilot, making Duo chuckle. 

Heero stared at his Gundam for a moment longer, then at the other people who eavesdropped on their conversation. "This is not a secure enough location!"

"Heero, man . . . look just come out with it . . ." Duo shook his head, "it's not like it's going to cause any major accidents . . . I can just see headlines now . . ." Duo held up his hands, "Peacecraft Princess weds her Rising Phoenix . . . kids perfect in everyway . . . God of death banned from ceremony. . . Gundams run riot after ingesting too much champagne . . ."

"Duo!" Heero growled out, "will you listen to me!!"

"Giant flower arrangements attacks Cornish Fishermen . . . Dorothy Catalonia's eyebrows win Eurovision Song Contest . . . Chang Wufei's pants cause catastrophe as famed Man of Justice is blown away in freak weather . . ."

"MAXWELL!!" Wufei's voice bellowed up, "SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!"

Heero grabbed Duo's braid and dragged the boy away from the window, Duo grunted and tugged, stumbling as he tried to regain his balance. "Hey, Heero! Man, cut it out! I'm listening!"

"Are you?!"

Duo blinked at the intensity of Heero's voice, "yeah . . . man . . . I am . . ."

"Good. Then let me tell you this in the clearest possible terms . . ."

Relena growled to herself as Heero dragged duo out of sight. She looked around for a better vantage point and noticed that Deathscythe's hands were the best place for her to stand. Crushing more of Quatre's fingers, she scrambled over to wing's hands, and up into Deathscythe's as the two Gundams watched their pilots. 

"Ow, ow, ow, ow!!" Quatre waved his hurt hands in the air and looked at Trowa beseechingly. His sweetheart, whose heart was so sweet, instantly took one of Quatre's hands and proceeded to suck in every one of the five digits. Quatre watched with fascination as his fingers were sucked in and out of Trowa's mouth. "Hey . . . Trowa . . . I . . ." Quatre swallowed, his blush rising, and a sly little smile lighting his face, "I didn't know you could do that with your mouth . . ."

Trowa blinked and stared up at his lover, his thoughts turning distinctly unsuitable for the OZ genetically modified children under the age of thirteen, secretly trained in the abilities of superhuman powers as a counter-measure to defend against the already super trained Gundam pilots.

Meanwhile Relena scrambled and perched herself on the left index finger of Deathscythe. Not Noticing the Gundam slowly swivel its head toward her . . .

"What Heero?"

Duo stared up as Heero leant over him, pinning him back in his chair. Unconsciously Duo tilted his face upward, tilting it at an angle that left his lips perfectly at the right angle for Heero just to push himself a little closer and sample those naturally pouting lips. Those lips that were famous for uttering the smartest retorts. 

Those lips that infuriated the hell out of him.

Those . . . plush, soft lips . . . that were slightly parted . . . and . . .

"Uh, Heero . . ." Those lips parted again, and the small tip of the wet, pink tongue darted out, "man, you're makiung me kind nervous, what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking you should shut up. . ."

"Okay." Duo almost squeaked. "Just do me one favour, don't kill me until . . ."

"Shut up. Now." 

Heero drew a breath. Duo stared at him with wide, violet eyes. The two stared at each other for a long moment, breathing shallowly. They could hardly take their eyes off each other. Duo blinked, and swallowed. "Heero . . . look, if you're gonna kill me, then get it over and done with man, if not then . . ." those violet eyes that were filled with fear, flashed instantly to cold anger, "get out of my face Yuy."

This broke the intense concentration, "Duo. . . I . . ."

"What?"

"Duo, I think you're one of the best pilots I've ever met. You might be irritatingly too happy, but you do your job. I don't tell you because I don't need to, you know it deep down."

Duo blinked, "uh . . . Heero . . ." Duo lifted his hand, and pressed it hesitantly against Heero's forehead, "look, if you're sick. . ."

Heero shook his head, "no . . . listen to me!" he raised his hand and pulled Duo's hand off his forehead, "I'm not good at talking like this—"

"Ya think?" Duo's lips quirked up with a slight smile.

"Hn!" Heero paused, and sighed, "look . . . I just want to know three things."

"What?"

"One." Heero let go of Duo's hand, and held up a finger, "how long will it take us to kill the scientists?"

Duo's smile grew a little, "not long, I'm sure . . ."

Heero nodded, his eyes lighting up with Duo's smile, "Two . . . What do you think Relena's reaction will be if I kiss you?"

"Fairly fatal, I would think . . ." Duo leant forward, and brushed his lips over Heero's. there was a faint protesting scream, and a thump against the window. Heero smirked as he saw Relena slam her fists against the window in protest.

"Heero!!" 

Relena screamed through the window as she watched Duo molest her innocent boyfriend, "Oh! Heero!! Get away from that. . . that . . . Thing!! Heeeero!!"

Wufei rolled his eyes as The Peacecrap Onna ranted at the two pilots within, impotently raging at them. He glanced over at Quatre and Trowa and felt his mouth fall open as Trowa demonstrate the many things he could do . . .

Wufei felt his eye twitch.

He never knew Trowa was a contortionist as well.

"Heeeeeeroooo!! I'll save you!!" Relena shook her head as Duo whispered something as his lips passed over Heero's. it was so nasty, Heero was her boyfriend, not that long haired freak's!

"What's number three, Heero?"

"Number three . . . is . . ." Heero leant closer, so only Duo could see his lips moving, so they were in a world of their own. "Number three is what the hell do you want me to do . . ." his heart skipped a beat or two as Duo's eyes dilated, and a low sexy smile crawled over those naturally pouting lips. 

"After you throw me against the wall . . .?"

Heero nodded.

"After you ravish me . . .?"

Another nod followed.

"Well . . ." Duo smirked, "I can't tell you . . ."

Heero's eye twitched.

"Why the hell not?!"

Duo smiled, and motioned with his eyes to the window, "this isn't a secure location, solider . . ."

Heero's cold eyes narrowed, "we've got cover . . ."

"But what happens if the enemy breaches?"

"Then we've got an escape hatch."

"She's got a locator on us . . . She can track you anywhere, Heero. . ." Duo bit his lip, and pushed up in his seat to quickly lick Heero's lips lightly. "Mind you . . . so can I . . ."

"That's good . . ." Heero murmured, marvelling in the simple sensations that caused such deep reaction within his gut. He swallowed, "Duo, what are you doing to me . . .?"

The braided pilot smiled warmly, and sat back. "I don't know . . ." he professed, "I thought you . . . you wanted Relena . . ."

"Relena can go to hell . . ." Heero straightened, he stared at Duo for a long moment, "Duo, you don't need me to tell you that you're good . . ."

"But sometimes . . ." Duo stood, and stepped closer to Heero. He clasped his hands behind his back, and winked cheekily,  "sometimes it's nice to hear the words, eh?"

"What words?"

"Oh, I don't know . . ." Duo leant even closer, brushing his lips over Heero's cheek, "Duo, you're a great pilot . . . or maybe like, me saying . . . Heero, I want your bod. Heero, everyone's watching us, but throw me against that wall and ravish me until I demand you—"

"HEEEEROOO!!!"

The wind blasted in through the window, dumping a lot of cold air on the two overheated men. Relena in the meantime swung the window open further, and leant in, "don't let him do that to you Heero!! It's not natural!!"

"That's it!" Duo growled, he stalked over to the window and glared at Relena. "Look, miss Peacecraft. Let me knock some home truths into your head, okay?!" He held up his fingers, "One, contrary to what you think, I am not your enemy, in fact I saved your life a number of times . . . Two, being gay is perfectly normal behaviour, it's people like you who seem to think that because you don't do it means it isn't natural . . . Three for Gundam sake woman, when a man tells you he doesn't love you, it doesn't mean he's being coy!!"

And with that, Duo slammed the window shut again and stalked away.

Heero smirked as Duo came back to him.

"What are you smirking at, Soldier boy?!"

"You . . ."

"Why?" Duo folded his arms, "what now?"

Heero reached forward, and grabbed Duo. He slung him over his shoulder and carried the braided boy away. He then found a suitable wall and slammed Duo against it, making the briaded boy's cheeks grow even redder as he leant forward, and hissed, "now . . . what is it that you want me to do?"

_Meanwhile. . ._

Relena looked on, flabbergasted that the braided idiot had had the audacity to talk to her like that. She was sure that Heero would hit him for it, but instead picked up the smaller boy in a fireman's hold and carried him over to a wall. When she was sure that Heero was giving the braided moron a lecture, she was horrified to see the braided dolt move seductively, and kissed Heero hard. 

When Heero didn't pull out his gun and shoot the other dead, Relena suddenly felt very faint.

So faint in fact that she fell off of Deathscythe's hand, and plummeted to the ground.

_. . . Ouch._

The supreme commanding officers of OZ watched as the last, best hope for peace plummet to the ground with a faint cry of:

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!"

Treize winced, "oh . . . that is going to hurt . . ."

"I'll be sure that all the men get their ears checked for any damage," Une snapped a salute instantly, making Noin chuckle behind her hand. 

"People!" Zechs cried out passionately, he pointed down to the ground with a pure white-gloved hand; "My sister, our last best hope for peace in on Earth and Space just fell to her death by falling off a Gundam!" He stared at them all for a very long moment, before sniggering. "No, it's not possible to say that with a straight face . . . let me try that again." He took a few deep breaths, and pulled as straight a face as he could muster, "My darling sister, our last best hope for peace . . ." he broke off again and giggled, shaking his head. "She fell off a Gundam . . ."

Noin nodded solemnly, "well . . . we can always say that she will always bring a smile to our faces . . . when we remember the way she died . . ."

_Elsewhere . . . _

She held up her hand to protect her eyes from the bright sunshine and looked up, "Gee! Thanks Dorothy!!"

Dorothy turned, and glanced over at Hilde as the other girl pulled her luggage over to the gilded limo. Hilde grinned, "it's really nice of you to help me along like this, who'd have known that we'd bump into each other at the space port and happen to be going to the same place . . ."

"Hmph! Who'd indeed!" Dorothy yanked the driver by his collar out of her car, "I'll drive thank you!"

Hilde turned ashen pale, "uh, Dorothy . . . you don't drive limos the same way as you drive Space Shuttles do you?"

"Yes. Why?"

Hilde got back out of the car, and unpacked her stuff, "TAXI!!"

_And . . ._

"Why didn't you go to catch her?"

Deathscythe blinked and looked up at Wing before speaking hesitantly, "didn't we want her dead?"

"Well, yes but . . ." Nataku trailed off uncertainly, internally he frowned and raised a massive hand to scratch his head slowly. "At least I think . . ." 

"So?" Sandrock shrugged. "One less human to pollute the world . . ."

Wing sighed remorsefully, "Well, it's not very nice of us to let her fall like that . . ."

"Point?" Heavyarms shuffled slightly so he could be closer to Sandrock.

"I don't think I've got one but . . . still the point is that she might be seriously hurt . . ."

"Falling about seven stories, yeah . . . I think so . . ." Deathscythe chuckled darkly. "You know what . . .?"

Wing glanced over at his favourite god of death, "What?"

"I think the new personality programmes' breaking down . . ." The four other Gundams began an internal check, and as Deathscythe had said it was clear that the various strands of the old programming was being broken down by older sets of programming. Memory banks that had previously been blank restored themselves, protocols and subroutines were redirected and changed their nature as the older batch of programs were recalled and put into use. Deathscythe chuckled again as he realised that the scientists had finished their tango lessons and were working on their hard drives while everyone was distracted by the ongoing drama between Heero, Duo and the screaming banshee who'd recently added to the base's previously dull grey tarmac. 

Nataku's vocal processors started to power up as a cry – incidentally starting with 'in-' and ending with '-justice' -  started to build in his Gundam's equivalent of a throat and his fist began to clench and tremble as it rose up into the air. 

Sandrock's hard, icy cold expression broke as he felt the natural happiness of Quatre's very personality fill his soul, and the desire to make beautiful hot Gundam . . . music. Ahem, yes MUSIC with Heavyarms rose in his heart.

Heavyarms blinked as the layers of 'Justice' and 'Honour' type thinking faded from his mind like a memory of a Uni Student's essay deadline.

Deathscythe's frown began to part like dark storm clouds after the rain, and his arm shot up and looped around Wing's broad shoulders as he began to laugh happily.

As for Wing . . . Wing smirked, and nodded to Deathscythe, Mission accepted!

_Therefore . . ._

Duo glanced around Heero's head as they kissed hard, and stared at his Gundam. 

Wing was hugging him again, but this time Duo could swear he saw some warm glowing happing in Deathscythe's eyes. The massive Gundam's large dark hands came up and cupped the back of Wing's head lightly as the two embraced.

Duo grinned into his kiss.

Heero's large hands came up behind his head, and laced themselves loosely into his hair. 

Outside, Wufei was suffering from Zechs pointing after his sister, and screaming not unlike a girl. Wufei also suffered Noin and Une trying to suppress their laughter, and Treize standing upright and tall, with his cape fluttering impressively in the wind. Wufei was also suffering from trying very hard not to look in the direction of Quatre and Trowa as the two discovered the wonderful and weird ways Trowa's body could bend. 

But the main thing Wufei suffered from was the sight of the five scientists as they stood in his direct line of sight, their grass skirts being continually blown up by the wind.

Finally, he could ask the one question that had been bugging him for the last few weird and wonderful days . . .

"HOW IN THE HELL YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS _WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU . . ._ **_AGAIN_**?!"

It really should be the end but . . . 

I suppose I should tell you what really happened after Relena fell off Deathscythe's hand. 

As much as I'd like to say that not unlike the Wicked Witch Of The East in the Wizard of OZ, Relena suddenly revealed that she had black and white stripy socks and ruby red shoes, and then she shrivelled up and faded away like a bad nightmare . . . I can't . . .

No.

It's my sad duty to inform you that, like anyone else that falls from a great height, Relena suffered some great injuries, but she didn't die . . . mostly thanks to a rather large bouncy castle that had been mistakenly sent to the New Barley Base and set up, quite luckily for Relena, just under Deathscythe. 

Relena was left bed bound for quite a few months where Dorothy and her Brother, Zechs visited a few times. During her stay at SunnyHappyDays hospital, Relena discovered a whole new side to herself she wasn't quite ready to accept, or believe.

She was a yaoi fangirl, who had similar inclinations as . . . well, let's just put it this way, she was broadening her horizons on the sexuality front.

Dorothy – a raving Lesbian, if you couldn't tell – was delighted that the object of her quite obvious affection had discovered this new side to herself, but sensibly took things as slowly as she could. 

With a sedative. 

Relena discovered that she didn't need to suppress this side of herself, and became a better person for it. She is now known for fighting for gay rights in the New Earth Government. 

Meanwhile, Quatre broke the news of his newfound love with Trowa to his sisters and to Rashid . . .

Rashid promptly fainted, but Quatre's sisters took an instant shine to Trowa and welcomed him into their family. The two now are live in partners, who by day run the immensely successful Winner Enterprises Inc. and appear as a new type of double act in Trowa's circus, and by night are the scourge of OZ, with their friends as Gundam Pilots. 

Thanks to Trowa's deep and meaningful thinking between his thoughts about Quatre and various . . . *contortionist* positions, the pilots were ready for a surprise attack from telepathic children under the age of thirteen who were being trained by OZ as a counter measure to the already super trained Gundam pilots. 

They defeated these children with little or no effort by thinking hentai, uh, I mean _happy_ thoughts. 

Zechs and Treize, still commanding OZ by day, are now front-page models for Vogue 'New OZ Man' magazine, and get paid stupid amounts of money for standing there and looking very pretty. Their agent says that they are available for anything, and all interested parties should contact them on: 0-500-OZ-RECUITMENT-TRICK 

Lady Une remains the real power behind OZ while her boss stands there, and lets his cape to blow in the wind prettily. She and Noin continue chase down the Gundam Pilots, slapping each other, taking each other's phone calls and taking it in turns to be Good OZ officer, Bad OZ officer.

It should also be mentioned, that Wufei's question was finally answered . . .

How in the hell *do* you steal five Gundam mobile suits without anyone seeing you twice, particularly the second time when the mobile suits are on a boat . . .?

Well, luckily for Wufei, Hilde Whatever-Hell-Her-Surname-Is turned up right at that point and explained all . . . her explanation ran thusly in this conveniently placed flashback . . .

"HOW IN THE HELL YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS _WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU . . ._ **_AGAIN_**?!"

Silence befell them all as Wufei bellowed across the command room. The scientists glanced at each other nervously, as Treize muttered darkly; tenderly wiping his jodhpurs down after spilling hot tea on them again. Quatre sighed and put his face in his hands, muffledly crying out, "Oh, for Allah's sake!" He glared at the scientists with a ZERO system glint to his gentle eyes, "Answer his bloody question."

The scientists glanced at each other for a moment longer, unsure as to whether or not to spill the technical beans of their seemingly superhuman ability to steal the five Gundams.

Wufei's face began to go very, very, very red as his fist began to tremble; he began tersely. "I said . . ." 

"Oh, wait!! I know! I know!!" 

The whole group swung around to look at Hilde as she suddenly stood and waved her arm like an excited schoolgirl.

"I know how you can steal five Gundam mobile suits from a ship without anyone seeing you!!"

Wufei raised an eyebrow, go on onna.

The whole gang of people focused intensely on Hilde as she sat down and pulled out some technical drawing of the Gundams and the PeaceTrillion. Her brow drew into a concentrated frown as she picked up a pencil and drew some markings and figures around the Gundams, "First . . ." she began tensely, "You wrap the Gundams up in highly protective bubble wrap . . . making sure you use industrial strength duct tape to keep it on. Then you tie many, many, *MANY* plastic, helium filled pillows onto of the bubble wrap, until they resemble giant chicken balls." She circled the diagram of Wing, and continued, "Adding another layer of bubble wrap, secured into place with more industrial strength duct tape, you then proceed to arrange the Gundams together, and wrap them in a think layer of rubber latex forming a gundamium ball . . ." She pulled the diagrams of the PeaceTrillion over and drew in the Gundam Giant Chicken Ball, "Then you simply roll the Gundam Giant Chicken Ball out of the hanger into the sea . . ." She made a dotted line, showing the Gundam Giant Chicken Ball falling from the ship into the sea, and then she drew a small raft with five stick figures and rope. "Where the Gundam Giant Chicken Ball can *FLOAT* . . . finally, you simply tie the Gundam Giant Chicken Ball to Doctor J's hook hand and have him drag it as the other scientists row away in a raft!"

She sat back and smiled happily at the others.

"Simple!"

While everyone else simply rolled their eyes and walked away, shaking their heads, the five scientists got into a huddle and asked each other, "How come we didn't think of it?"

Later that same night . . .

The torchlights danced like fireflies, as they wondered out of the New Barley Base Hanger.

"Maa, maa . . . So we made another itsy bitsy mistake, it doesn't matter right now. . ."

"You're right there, you old man. . . I'm sure they'll just treat it like a mission, and sort it out . . ." the heavy haired man shook his head, "*We* did train them, remember?"

"Of course. . ." Came the snort, the metal hand clanked quietly, "And if anything, *my* perfect solider would get it before your . . ." he sneered mockingly, "Shinigami . . ." 

"Wanna bet?" The heavy haired man growled, and pushed his face into the taller, metal-handed man, "Old man!"

"Not that this is fair, old hag, but a bet it is. . ."

"You're on!"

Heh. Heh. Heh.

And I suppose I should tell you what happened to Duo and Heero after Heero threw him against the wall and ravished Duo . . . 

. . . but it's just so much funnier if I don't . . .

Toodles! 


End file.
